Pancreatitis Support Group
Chronic pancreatitis can present as episodes of acute inflammation in a previously injured pancreas, or as chronic damage with persistent pain or malabsorption. Patients with chronic pancreatitis can present with persistent abdominal pain or steatorrhea, as well as severe nausea. Some patients with chronic pancreatitis often look very sick, while others don't appear to be...
I'm wondering if anyone feels there is a connection between being really, really upset and CP worsening. I just found out today that my sister has type 2 ovarian cancer and needs chemo. She just had a hysterectomy and after healing from that and the chemo, she also has a brain tumor.
I was dealing with it. I wrote a loving email to my mother-in-law and she chose TODAY of all days to tell me to screw off. She feels that when she had cancer 2 YEARS ago, I wasn't there for her. So she decides a few minutes after reading about my sister and also how exhausted I am down here in Fl alone, she decides this is a great time to dump me.
I've been asking her for TWO YEARS if I've offended her. If something is wrong. Writing and reaching out and calling. For TWO YEARS she says nothing. Then within minutes of reading of Missy's cancer and my complete exhaustion and pain, she just tosses out 13 YEARS of a friendship and relationship.
I'm beyond ... I don't know. The feelings are so painful, I almost can't stand them. I've been really pushing now for almost 2 weeks to be there for my sister. Today is day 9 of her hospital stay. I drive in every day (but once when CP was really horrible) 45 min each way, way a mile to her room, sit for hours, drive home. Try to do errands, cleaning, take care of her pets, etc. I'm wiped. I wish I felt numb but it just hurts so much.
I'm hoping I can stuff all this pain down inside until Missy is home and stable, then I can fly home and just fall to pieces. I need to keep it together but I have to admit I'm going dark places tonight.
Does anyone else feel that getting so upset and falling into the pit triggers bad attacks? I am barely getting back on my feet from the Tues attack and now this. The pain is getting to be too much but I HAVE to be here for my sis.
The ironic thing is Missy is my sister by choice for 42 years but we're not related officially. But I love her more than my own flesh and blood siblings. It almost seems that my MIL is jealous of me coming to help Missy. But Missy has NO ONE here. She was going to take a CAB to the hospital and board her pets for thousands of $$. Her mother, father, brother, family - all dead. Except one uncle in CT who's going tho his own issues. I HAD to be here for her. I just HAD to. And I did visit my MIL 3 times (7 hour trip one way) that summer two years ago, despite ending up in the hospital twice when I returned home with a bad CP attack. I did call her, send cards and emails. But it just wasn't enough.
I had a bad melt down tonight and called my therapist, of which I feel very ashamed. But she said the timing of my MIL telling me to screw off is no accident. She had TWO YEARS to tell me and she chooses now. Who does that?
Sorry to dump on you all. I almost hope no one reads this since I'm completely depressed. Why is it so easy for people to dispose of me? What is wrong with me? I'm like some filthy trash they can't wait to dump. Are they sensing something wrong, even EVIL, in me that I don't see? How can I fix it if no one gives me the chance to apologize and make amends? They all just dump me. Something must be wrong with me.
I was dealing with it. I wrote a loving email to my mother-in-law and she chose TODAY of all days to tell me to screw off. She feels that when she had cancer 2 YEARS ago, I wasn't there for her. So she decides a few minutes after reading about my sister and also how exhausted I am down here in Fl alone, she decides this is a great time to dump me.
I've been asking her for TWO YEARS if I've offended her. If something is wrong. Writing and reaching out and calling. For TWO YEARS she says nothing. Then within minutes of reading of Missy's cancer and my complete exhaustion and pain, she just tosses out 13 YEARS of a friendship and relationship.
I'm beyond ... I don't know. The feelings are so painful, I almost can't stand them. I've been really pushing now for almost 2 weeks to be there for my sister. Today is day 9 of her hospital stay. I drive in every day (but once when CP was really horrible) 45 min each way, way a mile to her room, sit for hours, drive home. Try to do errands, cleaning, take care of her pets, etc. I'm wiped. I wish I felt numb but it just hurts so much.
I'm hoping I can stuff all this pain down inside until Missy is home and stable, then I can fly home and just fall to pieces. I need to keep it together but I have to admit I'm going dark places tonight.
Does anyone else feel that getting so upset and falling into the pit triggers bad attacks? I am barely getting back on my feet from the Tues attack and now this. The pain is getting to be too much but I HAVE to be here for my sis.
The ironic thing is Missy is my sister by choice for 42 years but we're not related officially. But I love her more than my own flesh and blood siblings. It almost seems that my MIL is jealous of me coming to help Missy. But Missy has NO ONE here. She was going to take a CAB to the hospital and board her pets for thousands of $$. Her mother, father, brother, family - all dead. Except one uncle in CT who's going tho his own issues. I HAD to be here for her. I just HAD to. And I did visit my MIL 3 times (7 hour trip one way) that summer two years ago, despite ending up in the hospital twice when I returned home with a bad CP attack. I did call her, send cards and emails. But it just wasn't enough.
I had a bad melt down tonight and called my therapist, of which I feel very ashamed. But she said the timing of my MIL telling me to screw off is no accident. She had TWO YEARS to tell me and she chooses now. Who does that?
Sorry to dump on you all. I almost hope no one reads this since I'm completely depressed. Why is it so easy for people to dispose of me? What is wrong with me? I'm like some filthy trash they can't wait to dump. Are they sensing something wrong, even EVIL, in me that I don't see? How can I fix it if no one gives me the chance to apologize and make amends? They all just dump me. Something must be wrong with me.
I firmly believe that things happen for a reason,: good, bad and ugly. There are two things you should focus on...first yourself so you can stay healthy. The next is your sister. If you stay healthy (mentally and physically) you can assist your sister and help her.
Stay strong and do not bother yourself with mean- spirted people. They are counterproductive to living a happy life.
Good luck to you.
Bridget
I guess I tend to love people who are self involved and unstable, according to my therapist. People who will reject me. Makes me worry even more about my beloved husband (but I feel sure about my dog! haha). How do you unlearn a life time of lessons? I don't know. I'm just staying away from people in the flesh for now.
You're so right. I have to make sure my body can stay strong enough to care for my sister. She's my first priority right now. Another week and I can hopefully go home and rest and destress.
Even tho you are a stranger, you really helped me tonight. A dark, dark night. Thank you so much. Hope you are well and let me know if I can return the favor! Ta, Nibs :)
Renee
I agree completely with the others.........your ML was just waiting for a perfect time to dumb the bomb on you, and she did...well, for one thing the prob with her is HER not you...it is time to stay away from toxic people, and learn who they are....and focus on those who really do care, and realize that even sometimes those good people may not be able to be there for you always...but know they care...
and yes, focus on your self , rest, take ur meds, etc...then go to your sis when u feel u can.
remember...God has you here for a reason...I know its tuff...but while we are still alive, we will make the best of it....and yes, I personally believe that cp gets worse with stress....
my two cents
we luv you here!
Sheila
I am so sorry that you are going through all of that alone, cp is a very lonely disease as it is but to have family issues does make it 10x harder. We are always here for you hun. just try to take care of yourself during all of this and ignore your ML your sister and your own health come first. I had one just like her, a mean woman she recently passed away and i feel very bad but there is a lot of hurt from the years. your in my thoughts and prayers...hugs to you!
Thank you all so much. I'm copying this into my journal to remind me of some very important thoughts!
Sorry I haven't replied but once my sister got home, (the next day), she decided she didn't want me on her computer. I don't understand but whatever. So I just got back to MA and finally have access to a computer again.
That night was one of the top 5 worst of my life. Highlighted by the fact I was so alone in a strange city, in pain, and a caregiver. I had to put aside my issues and focus on MIssy. It was incredibly hard.
But i made it thro, thank to you all. And it's weird, in a hurtful way, but I actually feel more stable. I've decided my MIL is too hurtful and her heart is too small and stingy to have her in my life right now. I'm just very vulnerable and raw. And like Sheila said, TOXIC! I love that word for her.
So now she's reaching out but I'm done. I won't predict the future but I have to heal before I can communicate with people like her.
What sucks is that they all had a huge pow wow up there and decided this problem was ALL my fault. And then called my husband and dragged him into it. So he freaked and told them to take a hike. I'm kinda in shock but very grateful to him for sticking by me. They seemed to be pressuring him to also leave me and he said NO WAY! Kinda awesome.
So always, always, you have my thanks. I know better days are coming and promise to give back what you all have given to me. I don't want to be a drain! And I think we are here to help each other. It makes me happy to have such people to reach out to!
Love yas, NIbs