Painful Intercourse Support Group
Dyspareunia is painful sexual intercourse, due to medical or psychological causes. The term is used almost exclusively in women, although the problem may occur in men. The causes are often reversible, even when long-standing, but self-perpetuating pain is a factor after the original cause has been removed.
Hello. I'm extremely new to this type of issue and from what I've learned from studying any and all reasons for painful intercourse and the symptoms, I believe I have vaginismus. I waited till marriage to have sex and I just got married to my best friend three weeks ago. He was my best friend and then we dated for two years, were engaged for a year and now happily married but fall short of a sex life. I don't know what caused this but our wedding night I was so excited for sex. I had dreamed of the moments to come and though i had the knowledge that a lady's first time would be unpleasant i was still excited to be so intimate and close to him. Well it was so painful I cried and being someone who used to deal with major depression and self abuse in a number of ways, and someone who has gotten cramping to the point of passing out, I feel I can handle pain decently well.. So I was obviously not expecting the massive amount of pain i experienced. I did my best to grit my teeth and bare through it but nothing worked and he had to stop not even getting inside me fully. We kept trying and he has been an angel through it all but the humiliation I've felt for not being able to do this supposedly simply thing hurts so much. I make sure we have a good time in every other way we can and are as intimate as possible, but as the weeks went on I've begun to pull myself out of the intimacy and focus solely on making him feel good. I don't like being touched too intimately and when i got my period i was relieved for an excuse to be left alone. We ordered a kit that is supposed to help couples go through the process and find a breakthrough but i'm so scared if it doesn't work. I'm okay with not having sex. We finally had it a few times but never for long and it hurt like crazy and i was so glad when he was out and it was over. He doesn't complain but he expresses how excited he is for the day we can and I'll enjoy it. I hate when he says that because i don't believe i ever will and I just don't know how we'll handle it if we can't. He would never make it a big issue. He's not that kind of man, but i know inside he'll hurt as i do. Well this is my story and i hope to share a positive story soon about success. If anyones had a breakthrough i could sure use the encouragement.
Yes, this does sound like it could be vaginismus and, if so, the good news is it's very treatable. The best approach is to get counselling from someone trained in sexual issues but you can also do some self-help stuff. Sensate Focus ( http://counselling-matters.org.uk/sites/counselling-matters/files/SensateFocus.pdf ) may help, though that's not it's primary application. Take things very slow and gentle.