That poem is close, but I'm not certain it is the one I was referring to. Close enough for government work, though.

I am the black sheep of my family. My brother is the perfect one.

My daughter avoided me for months.
She would not take my phone calls,would not call me.
I had to stop calling her, hoped that she would call me.

She now is calling me, comes over to see me.
She and I are very different.
She thinks that I am too emotional, she is not. She said that I was too much for her to handle. I have to be careful not to get emotional around her or else she freezes me out.

Bookworm ,,,I can identify with that ,,truly I can. My Mother was a very emotional person who would worry about everything..I use to tell her she shouldn't worry so much. Looking back and thinking about what she said (rest her soul) was due to my being an only child. She had seen so many children lost to car accidents, drinking themselves to death, or other horrid accidents that it was just natural for her to worry about her one an only daughter...Well, guess what? Now that I am her age I find myself doing the same...And, my sons have told me I worry too much!! So it goes .....Wonder if they will realize this after I'm gone?

Mine is an only child too, momtotwoson. She had many surgeries, and had /has several conditions, problems that I worry about. I ignored myself for many years, just focused on her. When she turned 20 I think everything caught up with me, and I kinda lost it emotionally. Had been holding it in for her sake, and it was like a gush of emotions came out. She freaked out. Said she just could not handle my emotions, backed away. She does not worry too much about herself-I do enough of that for her!

I had a "Buckoo Day" yesterday. Hit the jackpot I did!

One was my "expectant son" Who called me on his way home from the doctors to announce to me how he was havin a boy! Of course he was all excited. I told him how great that was and how excited I was for them both. But before I could get the words out of my mouth ... he very sarcastically said "thank you very much!" and that he couldn't talk any longer and had to go. He wanted me to be grateful for him calling me and I was. I just wish I could have been the one to say so.

Secondly, I hadn't talked to my son since his sister-in-law had committed suicide. The only reason I had gotten to talk to him that day is because he was answering the phone instead of her. It had only happened the night before.

I talked to my daughter-in-law. i had acquired her phone number quite a while ago but had never used it. I was wondering how they are were so I called it. She was noticably shocked that I had called her but was still friendly as usual.

She said the baby (she's about 9 mos now) was off her breathing tube now. I told her I didn't know she was on one! so she explained further. I told herIi was able towalk now if the invitation to come and see there home still stood. They had steps to their house and I couldn't do stairs let alone walk at that time! She said they were going out-of-town this next week but she would call me the week after.

I didn't bother to explain that I had lost 79 lbs and was walking a mile at the Club w/o aids ... Won't they be surprised!

(Sorry library's closing - continue next time!)

NDY

Continued ...
In addition to my former message (last reply) I would like to add that my personal care giver is also one of my other ED. She is on the verge of being fired by me bec she is not bothering to show up when she is supposed to. I told her this is very disrespectful towards me. Her reaction? She doesn't understand how I feel this is disrespectful and that circumstances have prevented her from coming to work.. For instance, she forgot to set her alarm clock! This is not the first time and she doesn't even bother to call to say she's not coming in.

Today I hiked up "Heart Attack Hill" walking to the library to use the computer with a picnic lunch for her and my grandaughters who were supposed to join me here. She said she was coming at 9am. The library is closing in a hour and a half.It is 1:30pm. Not only did they not show but she is not answering her phone either. I have already been here for two hours!

I know most of you are saying what is wrong with my thinking right? Why is she still here? I have to admit it I am afraid that I will never see the only 2 EGD/K that I have regular contact with. I feel she knows that and is really "pulling my chain!" I love them so much and they love me so much back bec they are only 6 & 7 yrs old. I am at my wit's end!

Please advise...


NDY

I will try and wxplain myself here, because i didn't realize there were support groups for this problem. My children(2) have been E to me several times in their lives and mine. The pain was and is unbearable. I too am E from my own parents(11) years now. Ity ended when my parents decided on their own to take my house from me agter my living there for 20 years. I did pay rent but i was not the owner. I had been thru 14 surgeries and 2 episodes of cancer and was hardly able physically to move at that time. Aman just showed up one day saying he was now the owner and i had 2 days to get out. Something happened to me mentally that day that changed me forever. The police showed up to also say i had 2 days to leave. I thought this can't be happening, surley the law could do something to either stop this or at least give me more time to move. That didn't happen. Had to rent storage space and live in a motel for awhile. This was the straw that broke the camel's back and their had been many. I could no linger have these peiple in my life and would never want them to be. I thought everything could be fixed, but it can't. No one seems to understand this kind of pain. Sorry for the long post, i could keep going but it is just too much. Estranged forever.