I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I also have a son who was diagnosed with ODD. When he was 11 years old, we could no longer handle it that we were also looking at different options. I don't know what treatment you have already tried, but my understanding is that residential programs are the absolute last resort. Here are some things you can try first, if you haven't: partial hospitalization programs, inpatient programs, and therapeutic day school. My son has been in two partial hospitalization programs. He need to go inpatient at one point, but there were no beds available. And I was considering putting him into a therapeutic day school. He was completely out of control and suicidal at points. He is 13 years old now, and he has made a great turnaround, largely because his psychiatrist was able to find a drug that helped him after he had been on a series of medications, none of which helped and some that increased his violent reactions. Anyway, I'm here for you. Believe me that I will not judge because I've been there and I completely understand how depressing and isolating it is to have a child with this condition.

Thank you so much for your heartfelt and kind response. I am so glad to hear your 13 year old son has made a big turnaround. That is certainly not often the case with these behaviors. Are you able to share more about the specific medication that helped you to see a big change? We are currently trying Latuda but see little improvement. Peace to you and thanks.

My son is on Wellbutrin for his mood. He also takes Melatonin to sleep because otherwise, he would be up all night and then sleep-deprived during the day. Before this, we had tried: Ritalin, Focalin, Trileptal, Zoloft, and Risperidone. I took him to a psychiatrist at a psychiatric hospital (basically a hospital only for mental illness). I figured that the doctors there would be the best since they deal with the most serious mental illnesses on a large scale (there are hundreds of patients in the hospital at any given time). The psychiatrist suggested a genetic test to determine which medications would be likely to work for him since he had tried so many medications without any benefit. He took a swab from the inside of my son's mouth and sent it to a lab. About 6 weeks later we received a detailed report. It basically did an analysis of his genes and suggested certain medications and listed others to avoid. Interestingly, all the medications that my son had tried were on the avoid list. It also showed that he has a defect of the MTHFR gene, which means that his body does not absorb vitamin B well and he would need supplementation. This is important because low levels of Vitamin B can make your mood worse. So I give him a Vitamin B pill every day. What I have learned from all this, is that our children with ODD have a psychiatric illness and need medication. Unfortunately, getting the medication right is a long and painful process of trial and error. Some medication may work for certain patients but not others because of their genetic profile.

There is a reason these schools exist - and it is NOT because parents are lazy or unwilling to try - it is simply because some kids need more help. We are also considering a placement. We actually honestly believe that once things get really bad in a family - there might just be value in some time apart - where a kid can heal and learn the coping and self control skills they need and parents can take some time to heal and re-charge and remember that they love their child. All I can say is research carefully - visit the school - talk to parents of children that have been there. Good luck!

Jersey4ever... have you found good placement schools that are affordable. My biggest fear is that I will send him to something that is worse... maybe kids that have been exposed to drugs, etc and be an even worse influence. Right now, my son is 13 and in 8th grade and his main issue is his defiance with authority, both at school and at home.

Have we found a good school - yes - we think so - is it affordable - absolutely not! We are going to tour the Ironwood School in Maine in a few weeks. I am not sure if they actually take 12 year olds - I think they have to be a bit older. My son is 14. The cost is about $8000 a month + $3500 one time for the development of their education plan. They say the average stay is 9-12 months. So figure around $90,000 for the program. BUT - with the right doctors notes and willingness to fight - your school district might pay part - especially if you child is not functioning in public school and the part that is considered therapy might be covered by your health insurance.