Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) Support Group
Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) an ongoing pattern of disobedient, hostile, and defiant behavior toward authority figures that goes beyond the bounds of normal childhood behavior. When a child cannot seem to control his anger or frustration, even over what seems to be trivial or simple to others, the child will often react in violent or negative ways to his own...
My 10-yr-old was suspended from school yesterday because of his behaviors. He didn't even make it 2 full weeks. I was notified at the end of the day (which in and of itself angers me IMMENSELY) of the situation. I am not trying to take any accountability away from my son for his behaviors, but the school also has me upset.
My understanding is that my son went into his first class with a bad attitude and the day just went downhill. He was very angry, frustrated, upset. He was intentionally annoying and angering other students in class and in the hallways. He was deliberately distracting other students in class. In one class, when the teacher called him out on his behaviors, my son stood up and screamed, at the top of his lungs "I hate all of you. I wish everyone in this room would die." He was, of course, asked to leave the room. He was sent to his BD teachers room, for a cool down. He returned to class after about 10mins, still angry. He asked to be removed from class when he was getting angry again. His IEP states that he is to be allowed to ask to leave class if he feels that he can't control himself. His request was denied, so he stood up again...in the same class...and shouted that he was going to bring a gun to school and kill everybody that was making him mad. Well that, obviously, got him physically removed from the room permanently. He didn't want to walk out on his own, so his para picked up his things and asked him to come with her. He refused and was removed from the room. He decided to walk on his own once in the hallway. This class was the final straw...he'd behaved similarly in his earlier classes during the day.
I guess once he was in the hallway, he started kicking and punching lockers. He was asked to stop and said to the para "Fine" and then started ripping posters off the walls, papers off teacher's doors, name tags off of lockers. "Is that better?", he said to her. He was so out of control that they opted to utilize the restraint room that they have. It's basically a padded room, with a secure door. He went in willingly and shut the door. They said that he screamed, yelled, and punched the walls for several minutes before asking to come out. I was told that he was told he could come out if he was calm. They say he said he was calm, came out, and proceeded to pick up a chair and throw it towards a teacher and begin yelling at her. He managed to get ahold on a second chair and throw it also, before a teacher was able to get him back into the restraint room. My son spent the rest of the day in that room (this all happened at the end of the school day, so it was really only about 20mins that he was in there).
Their punishment was originally to give him in-school suspension for today and Tuesday. They called me later and decided they had changed it to out-of-school suspension because of the nature of his behavior.
When I picked my son up, he was calm as could be. My son will tell you exactly what happened. That is a blessing and a curse. He will tell you exactly what he did and often why he did it...he feels no remorse, doesn't understand why everybody is so upset. He told me he was mad at me when he got to school, but what pushed him over the edge? You know what did it...the fact that a teacher told him it was too late to join choir for this quarter. REALLY??
Today and last night, his behavior is near perfect. I just don't understand him.
My understanding is that my son went into his first class with a bad attitude and the day just went downhill. He was very angry, frustrated, upset. He was intentionally annoying and angering other students in class and in the hallways. He was deliberately distracting other students in class. In one class, when the teacher called him out on his behaviors, my son stood up and screamed, at the top of his lungs "I hate all of you. I wish everyone in this room would die." He was, of course, asked to leave the room. He was sent to his BD teachers room, for a cool down. He returned to class after about 10mins, still angry. He asked to be removed from class when he was getting angry again. His IEP states that he is to be allowed to ask to leave class if he feels that he can't control himself. His request was denied, so he stood up again...in the same class...and shouted that he was going to bring a gun to school and kill everybody that was making him mad. Well that, obviously, got him physically removed from the room permanently. He didn't want to walk out on his own, so his para picked up his things and asked him to come with her. He refused and was removed from the room. He decided to walk on his own once in the hallway. This class was the final straw...he'd behaved similarly in his earlier classes during the day.
I guess once he was in the hallway, he started kicking and punching lockers. He was asked to stop and said to the para "Fine" and then started ripping posters off the walls, papers off teacher's doors, name tags off of lockers. "Is that better?", he said to her. He was so out of control that they opted to utilize the restraint room that they have. It's basically a padded room, with a secure door. He went in willingly and shut the door. They said that he screamed, yelled, and punched the walls for several minutes before asking to come out. I was told that he was told he could come out if he was calm. They say he said he was calm, came out, and proceeded to pick up a chair and throw it towards a teacher and begin yelling at her. He managed to get ahold on a second chair and throw it also, before a teacher was able to get him back into the restraint room. My son spent the rest of the day in that room (this all happened at the end of the school day, so it was really only about 20mins that he was in there).
Their punishment was originally to give him in-school suspension for today and Tuesday. They called me later and decided they had changed it to out-of-school suspension because of the nature of his behavior.
When I picked my son up, he was calm as could be. My son will tell you exactly what happened. That is a blessing and a curse. He will tell you exactly what he did and often why he did it...he feels no remorse, doesn't understand why everybody is so upset. He told me he was mad at me when he got to school, but what pushed him over the edge? You know what did it...the fact that a teacher told him it was too late to join choir for this quarter. REALLY??
Today and last night, his behavior is near perfect. I just don't understand him.
So sorry you are going thru this..
Do you think being suspended is really going to help? Sounds like he is "getting his way." Our kids just can't cope when they don't get their way.
You're right-they should have phoned you before the situation escalated to such a degree. For his sake. He must have felt horrible.
Remind me, is he on any meds?
Big hugs...
He doesn't fully understand the situation. He does seem to understand the social implications, but doesn't seem to understand the suspension part of it or that what he did was 100% wrong.
Some days I think "Can we just have one easy day?"
Have begun speaking to my son about what "easy going" means.
Have been saying quietly and calmly "Son chill out".
Who knows if it makes am impact -but as you know--we try and try and try. Then we try some more..
God bless you and your boy~~
After 1960 and all the quack psychologists on the subjects of "How to Raise your Child," many good folks don't know how to nurture or to have community like we did in the past. Our children feel this alienation.
Schools are intolerant of difference. My child is different. If you give him a non fiction science book, he's wonderful but if you give him an assignment wherein he has to sit and write and write, he will writhe on the floor and beg for a zero.
There is no structure to society; there is no true and basic enjoyment-just poor quality, cheap thrills enjoyment-emptinesss. Life has lost meaning and this is why we get alienated, angry children.
The medications can help but a diagnoses needs to be clearer. The psychiatrist needs to be a pro and to be a caring and compassionate person who UNDERSTANDS the needs of the child.
If somehow the counselor and all would allow homeschooling as an option, then upon stablization, perhaps art or sports could be introduced, or even music.
Our children are no longer given joys of music, sports and anything of beauty that they can call their own---like art.
PEople of difference either act out at school and get in trouble or stay in their parent's houses in a dark room with the XBOX like my nephew.
Boys in particular are discriminated against. Their needs are not met with healthy sports. They are instead told to stay inside and they watch violent movies and horrid videos that take that young boys' mind away. They are exposed to horrid hip hop. Now don't get me wrong-the Shakespearean type rap is cool and mixing ballroom and street dancing is cool, or clean cut stomping the yard is cool, but cheap booty dancing is NOT cool.
Our young people are not fed because the organic markets are so expensive--are not fed the nutritive things they need. Families struggle to survive with meals.
All of this creates a chaotic society where jail and police--not the pastor, teacher or caring parent or sibling is the proctector. These children have nowhere to go.
I do not believe that any of this is your fault. He is responding to an ugly environment and he doesn't know what to do.
I'd say the meds and talk therapy IN COMBO WITH HORSEBACK RIDING, KARATE, CANEOING OR BASEBALL might help. Wide open spaces for him might help. Caring, firm young adult males who understand mental illness might help.
The boys and young men need consistent validation and not these jail type awful schools in America.
Because of your post today, over the weekend, I will begin a petition for reform in today's schools so that young men are NOT discriminated against.
Agape and good luck to your son,
Achala