Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) Support Group
Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) an ongoing pattern of disobedient, hostile, and defiant behavior toward authority figures that goes beyond the bounds of normal childhood behavior. When a child cannot seem to control his anger or frustration, even over what seems to be trivial or simple to others, the child will often react in violent or negative ways to his own...
I'm in a similar boat with being a step parent and having my step son with behavioral problems. He has not been diagnosed with anything officially yet but I'm sure he has adhd and odd he fits all the "symptoms". He is five and in kindergarten this year. My husband does not want him on medication but is also not looking for ways to help him. I however am so overwhelmed by his misbehavior especially when I have a three year old girl who acts so much better than him that is unfortunately starting to pick up on some of his bad habits. I have not had adhd or anything but my husband and my stepsons mom both do. So they have experienced how hard it can be but I have no clue what I have gotten myself into. He was one when me and my husband got together and we rarely ever agree on how to handle situations. It causes arguments between me and him and I think my stepson sees that and will intentionally make it happen. He used to be a cute kid and then is progressively getting worse. I love him to death but some days I don't want to be anywhere near him because I don't know how to cope with it. I have control tendencies which does not mix well with a misbehaving child. With my husband's permission i set up a therapy appointment since he does not want to put him on medication. But for looking for things to help I'm on my own, he does not help to actually try to find things to help my stepson and the discipline at my stepsons mom's house is very lacking so he does what he wants and get away with everything. She just now is starting to step up and work with us better. I'm just so frustrated and overwhelmed and I feel bad for not liking my stepson sometimes. Like I would rather not take him places or be near him a lot of the time because I know he is not going to behave. Me and my husband have two kids together the youngest being 3 months so I have a lot going on in the house and just so stressed out seeing that I'm the main one taking care of the kids.
First tings first, I’m sensing you a hug. You sound exhausted and overwhelmed with everything going on.
Secondly, when it comes to ADHD and ever ODD, UNITY is extremely important. You and your husband must be on the same page for anything to work. If you can sit down together and sort out rules, expectations and consequences for your step-son (and all children in the home). This will make a huge impact, you could even include your step son. At 5, he should be able to tell you some basic rules (no hitting etc) and even let him pick out the consequences (as long as they’re appropriate of course for the rule). This should be done when he’s in a good mood, so he’s less defiant and in a good state of mind.
find with my son, we let him pick his consequences for his actions ahead of time. Swearing- time out for 5 mins, second offence, 10 mins etc. Just an example but you catch my drift. He’s less likely to act out.
My husband and I are always on the same page in front of B, ALWAYS even if I don’t agree with him or vice versa. We will talk about it in private and then reevaluate the situation.
If you can get his bio-Mom included in that, it would be optimal that all consequences are the same in all environments.
Either way, you’ve got this. Remember to take care of you!!!