Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) Support Group
Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) an ongoing pattern of disobedient, hostile, and defiant behavior toward authority figures that goes beyond the bounds of normal childhood behavior. When a child cannot seem to control his anger or frustration, even over what seems to be trivial or simple to others, the child will often react in violent or negative ways to his own...
We have 2 children, a 9 yo son and 12 yo daughter. We have no issues with our daughter. Our son has always been strong willed, but as he has grown older he has become more and more defiant, violent, aggressive and difficult. His behavior at home is extremely stressful for the whole family. I was so happy to find this online support group and have been reading some of the discussions and seeing so many similarities in what I'm reading to how my son has been behaving.
At school, my son seems to do well. No academic issues, has several good friends and I checked in with his teacher regularly - she had no problems with him. She did notice that sometimes he is easily embarrassed and self-conscious, but he does not act out aggressively at school. In fact, he is the opposite at school - he doesn't stand up for himself. I don't think he has ever been bullied by other kids, but he can be very shy and not ask for help or ask for what he needs.
Our main problems are all at home. He has not been diagnosed with ODD, but I am thinking he may have developed this over the past year. We had him evaluated last year and the results came back - no ADD, no ADHD, a little high on the anxiety scale, but they did not recommend any medication.
Lately he has been so irritable and moody. If we say anything he does not like, anything at all (something as simple as "it's time to go get ready for bed"), it can trigger a tantrum that lasts hours. He swears (and we never swear in our home and always monitored his tv, etc to not expose him to bad words) like I can't believe. He hits me, my husband and his sister, also throws things at us. He can be so violent and the look in his eyes is truly scary. He is so physically strong that I can no longer make him go to his room. I end up walking away, and sometimes he follows me and continues to attack me. I feel like I am in an abusive relationship and there is no way out.
We try taking away privileges (like screen time, since he is obsessed with minecraft) but even that does not seem to help change his behavior.
We were in family counseling for 2 years, and it seemed to help a bit, since his violent episodes are no longer daily, more like weekly now, but we eventually stopped. The therapist said he was "counseled out" and we agreed, but now we dont' know where to turn.
We have not ever used medication.
Does he sound like he has ODD to you all? Any advice for how to handle? His behavior has made our family life so difficult. My husband and I are always stressed out and disagree on how to handle things, so it is hurting us, too. I love my son very much, and he can be absolutely charming and sweet when he is in a good mood, but lately I feel like the worst mom. The guilt is awful. I want to help him and our whole family (I really worry about how this situation is effecting my daughter, too) but am at a loss. Thank you for any words of wisdom you all can offer. I am all ears.
At school, my son seems to do well. No academic issues, has several good friends and I checked in with his teacher regularly - she had no problems with him. She did notice that sometimes he is easily embarrassed and self-conscious, but he does not act out aggressively at school. In fact, he is the opposite at school - he doesn't stand up for himself. I don't think he has ever been bullied by other kids, but he can be very shy and not ask for help or ask for what he needs.
Our main problems are all at home. He has not been diagnosed with ODD, but I am thinking he may have developed this over the past year. We had him evaluated last year and the results came back - no ADD, no ADHD, a little high on the anxiety scale, but they did not recommend any medication.
Lately he has been so irritable and moody. If we say anything he does not like, anything at all (something as simple as "it's time to go get ready for bed"), it can trigger a tantrum that lasts hours. He swears (and we never swear in our home and always monitored his tv, etc to not expose him to bad words) like I can't believe. He hits me, my husband and his sister, also throws things at us. He can be so violent and the look in his eyes is truly scary. He is so physically strong that I can no longer make him go to his room. I end up walking away, and sometimes he follows me and continues to attack me. I feel like I am in an abusive relationship and there is no way out.
We try taking away privileges (like screen time, since he is obsessed with minecraft) but even that does not seem to help change his behavior.
We were in family counseling for 2 years, and it seemed to help a bit, since his violent episodes are no longer daily, more like weekly now, but we eventually stopped. The therapist said he was "counseled out" and we agreed, but now we dont' know where to turn.
We have not ever used medication.
Does he sound like he has ODD to you all? Any advice for how to handle? His behavior has made our family life so difficult. My husband and I are always stressed out and disagree on how to handle things, so it is hurting us, too. I love my son very much, and he can be absolutely charming and sweet when he is in a good mood, but lately I feel like the worst mom. The guilt is awful. I want to help him and our whole family (I really worry about how this situation is effecting my daughter, too) but am at a loss. Thank you for any words of wisdom you all can offer. I am all ears.
George0421
Have you read what the Mayo Clinic says about ODD? He could have a mild form of it. I know what you mean about feeling like the worst mom in the world; that's exactly how I feel with my kiddo! I wish I could say to you it'll get better or do this or do that but all I can do is listen and tell you you're not the worst mom; you are reaching out, you are looking for help. I don't know if you have the time or the means for counseling. We have had to do that for years. Now I've decided to also seek out my own support groups as well.
annamd16
I am so sorry for your struggles. Have you had you son fully evaluated? I think that is where I would start. Sorry, I don't have any answers for you, but an evaluation might give you some. Good luck & I hope it works out for you & your family.
superthor1022
I believe a full evaluation is in order. You need to know what exactly you are dealing with. Also, your son is NOT "counseled out"! find a new Psychologist. My (soon to be) 12 yr old son has been in counseling for nearly 3 yrs and we have seen some improvements. Very slow improvements, but at this point, we look at the very smallest things as huge milestones!
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