I'm in the same boat with my 9 year old

I feel you. I am living the same life. I have a 13 year old son and I also don't know how to cope with it. I am tired with work, tired being called to the school, tired of issues...i am sooo desperate. I hope you find your answers soon.

It is so nice to be able to say how it is and have someone who truly understands and actually believe me, this alone it's strengthening. For far does this forum reach? I'm in Swindon x

* how far

I am new here. My son is also 12. He is not officially diagnosed, but I expect one soon. He has someone amazing inside him, but the ODD often overshadows. He has been challenging for years, and puberty seems to be making it worse (after he was getting a little better). I am so tired and also scared. School started yesterday, and I almost threw up that the thought of what could happen this year. He has been getting more hostile with me at home (verbally); I really hope he doesn't pull that with a teacher, and that he can find a way to fit in with the other kids. He rarely gets invited to things, although he does have some friends, he's awkward (probably the adhd more than the ODD). I am venting now, but this is so hard and growing up isn't helping :-(

My daughter started at 12 when puberity set in also..she would scream "I just want to go home". It took a few weeks before I realized HOME was the younger version of herself. Happy, uncomplicated and could laugh. Now 14 she doesn't sleep, can't get up for school-is late constantly, or just refuses to go at all. Blames everyone else for anything that goes wrong, lies without hesitation & started getting into trouble within the last month. We were so unprepared for this kind of life. The entire household suffers & when we have had enough, saying something brings WW3 into our living room. She used to have friends but they have seen too much & most don't want to deal with it anymore. Mental illness is worse than cancer, there are no cures!

My son is 10 and I have been dealing with his ODD since he was very little, although I didn't know it at the time. He has been in therapy since 1st grade and it is helpful, unless he chooses to not let it be helpful. Maybe that's an avenue that can be tried. I am also in the school constantly and speak with his teacher daily about behavior. I am looking into Brain Balance right now also which is actually what led me here. I have heard great things about it, but want to be more sure before I invest in it. My son also has an adjustment disorder, anxiety and depression. He is taking Zoloft and I cannot even begin to explain the difference it has made in the way he feels. Medication was my absolute last resort and for us it has been amazing and helped us transform life at home. He is still really struggling at school. I know he has a few things going on and this may not help everyone, but I thought I would throw it out there. For the younger kids play therapy is a very good option I think.

One thing I noticed that helps my 11 yr old son is when we have fun together, playing a board game or going for a bike ride, whatever, smiling and laughing together it makes us all feel better and his behavior improves. Hugs are great too. It gives us something happy to look back on and if you can take some photos of each other really smiling those photos are helpful to look at when you are having a rough day.

My daughter is 11 and she struggles with ODD, as well. I've turned to reading information online (whether it's even helpful or not) to help my husband and I get through day to day life. We're currently considering treatment options for her. Right now we're looking at therapeutic boarding schools and wilderness therapy programs. It's really difficult to think about sending her away but it's really come to that.
Blogs that I've found helpful are sites like:
http://blogs.ashevilleacademy.com/
http://understandingteenagers.com.au/blog/you-cant-make-me/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/promoting-empathy-your-teen/201608/how-reengage-your-defiant-teenager

From evening I've have read and I think I've by now read everything Google has to offer, I've read case studies as well as they all come to the same conclusions that a child with ODD will not respond to regular parenting and an ODD specific parenting course is needed. This course is called PMT Parent Management Training. Has anyone else looked into this?

When I read through Wikipedia (yeah, I know, not good to use on a research paper. But a good place to start on where to search) I found program names that may be different from what you are searching for.
"Programs
The theory behind PMT has been "repeatedly validated", and many programs have met the "gold-standard criteria for well-established interventions".[1] All of the established programs teach better parenting skills and emphasize that the parent-child relationship is "bidirectional".[1]

Specific treatment programs that can be broadly characterized as PMT include Parent–child interaction therapy (PCIT),[1] the Incredible Years parent training (IYPT),[2] Positive parenting program (Triple P),[1] and Parent management training – Oregon model (PMTO).[11] PCIT, IYPT, Triple P and Helping the non-compliant child (HNC) are among the most frequently used PMTs;[1] according to Menting et al (2013), IYPT "is considered a 'blueprint' for violence prevention".[2]

The per family cost of group parent training programs to bring an average child into a non-clinical range of behavioral disruption was estimated in 2013 to be US$2,500, which according to the authors of a Cochrane review was "modest when compared with the long-term health, social, educational and legal costs associated with childhood conduct problems".[4]" https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parent_management_training.

When I look at Psychology today, I was able to find several therapists in my area for PCIT. I might try one of these myself!

I have been researching ways to help my 7 year old and came across this blog. I ordered everything she recommends. Gonna give it a try when it all comes in. Read her whole story with her son Camden.

http://www.thefamilythathealstogether.com/pandas-syndrome-how-we-healed-it/