So sorry to hear. I know how frustrating it can be. Have you already looked into local ABA therapy? Have you had him tested to see if maybe some of his behavior is due to a learning disability (e.g dyslexia)?

Also, What decision is it that you are now questioning?

Thank you so much for your comments. It helps so much knowing others are going through this. He was tested in Kindergarten and was diagnosed with ADHA and ODD. I was not confident in the surveys being enough to warrant medication. I subscribed to the Feingold Association and removed all dyes and additives from his food. That seemed to help a little but not alot. In third grade I saved up enough and took him to the Amen Clinics in Newport Beach. They confirmed the ADHD and ODD with the speck scans they did. They prescribed supplements and we started that. The behavior continued to escalate at school and so they put him on Intuniv. I found a local psychiatrist and she recommended that we treat the ADHD with Straterra so he was on Intuniv and Straterra and fourth grade went pretty well. We had some custody issues and the court gave him and his sister to me full time with their dad every other weekend. After awhile he seemed to be adjusting and finished off fourth grade and started fifth grade pretty well. We had a medication increase about 3 months ago and everything went side ways. He ended up threatening to burn my house down and I told his dad to come get him as I was scared for my daughter and younger son. That is the mistake I think I made by giving my son what he claimed he wanted which was to be with his dad. Since with his father it has escalated and he refuses to do any work or anything really. His father appeases him so there is no conflict in his home with his wife and two other young children. He flooded the house last night, ran away this morning and police were called. Went to the school couselor this morning as she said to bring him in and he agreed to independent study work and to go to Loma Linda for our appointment Wednesday for partial hospitalization which is 9 hours a day. He ran from my office and the police came again. His father came and took him and wants to send him to a facility in Missouri. I looked it up and its not state regulated. The only places that are cost 6K plus a month. At this point I am ready to liquidate what little I have in my retirement and send him. I dont know what else to do as he is a danger to himself and our families. Its heartbreaking and I am just trying to hold it together today and tomorrow so I can finish off tax season or my business is going to suffer too.

CK Mom I'm so sorry to hear about the trouble you are having with your son. No one understands the daily struggles except the ones who have children with these disorders. Our son has not been diagnosed yet but I am almost certain he has ODD and possibly ADHD. It doesn't sound like it gets any easier. I hope your son has come home and that you are able to get help of some kind. Have you tried therapy? Just make sure the therapist has experience in these matters. We took our son to two different family therapists who didn't tell us anything about these kind of disorders and just told us that we were bad parents or we need to discipline better! Good luck and God Bles.

WorstParents,

Thank you for your email. Your right no one understands the daily struggles unless they are going through it. The initial diagnosis for our son was through survey's completed by his teacher and then also us as the parents. There is also criteria they meet for the diagnosis. I did not feel confident in just that until I had some science behind it. The Amen Clinics cost me about 4K and unfortunately its not considered "standard care" so insurance does not cover it. For me though its what I needed before I explored medication. I think that it did not help all the conflict between his father and I so the fact that you are working together as a team is great. His father and I are working together now finally but at 10 years old there is a lot of damage to work through that has happened over the last seven years. The family conflict really intensifies the ODD for sure and he blames me for leaving his father. We have done and continue to do therapy and it has helped. She is pretty knowledgeable and I did have to make a lot of changes as a parent to him. Like I was told and use- my son requires a very special toolbox. What really helped me as a parent was the Total Transformation program as it really taught me a lot. I feel that part of the issue for us is that his father did not do it and therefore does not have the same tools. You are working together and that is wonderful. Check out the website empoweringparents.com as it has a lot of great articles and things to help. I wish you both the very best and know your not alone.