Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) Support Group
Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) an ongoing pattern of disobedient, hostile, and defiant behavior toward authority figures that goes beyond the bounds of normal childhood behavior. When a child cannot seem to control his anger or frustration, even over what seems to be trivial or simple to others, the child will often react in violent or negative ways to his own...
Hi,
I am new to this group. My fianc and I are moving in together in two months. He has his kids on weekend and I have my daughter full time. Our time together as a family unit is fairly limited but we just went camping for 4 days and I am very upset with the situation I am faced with.
His son is 8 and is a difficult child in that he shows many symptoms of Asbergers and has a very hard time functioning in a social setting with other kids and adults, other then his parents. He will hit people in the head with whatever he can after a few minutes of interaction. His dad uses redirection most of the time to deal with this. He doesn't make him take ownership for the action or take anything away. Often times the two of them will do an activity alone together instead. I think this is backwards--like the son misbehaves and gets alone time with dad. Shouldn't that come as a reward?
Anyway, the son is not happy that we are moving in. He has told me for months that we are not moving in together, that I am boring, that he doesn't like me. He mostly ignores me. And. unofortunately, he is also easily ignored as he is usually in his room playing on the computer or doing lego because of his inability and disinterest in playing with anyone else.
And when we all go out to a social event my fianc spends the entire time directing his son's actions so that he does not physically abuse anyone or cause disruptions with the other children.
He was outwardly defying me but my fianc did put his foot down immediately. His son now sees that he cannot be mean to me in front of his dad so he is only doing it when we are alone and he is starting to target my 7 year old daughter, I believe because he can see that is an easy way to get back at me.
He hits, pinches, kicks, hits me on the head with things, gets up in my personal space and more worrisomely threatens things--like he will burn me if I don't do what he wants or he will throw my phone in the lake. If I try to tell him to stop he will just move onto another bad behavior or run away from me then immediately be nice to me again once his dad is with us. He also kicks me under the table and bent my finger back very hard while we were all sitting together.
I am worried about his behavior, about my relationship with his father and about the fact that he isn't diagnosed and his parents both just deal with each bout individually without seeming to realize the depth of violent and vindictive this child's behavior is.
Can anyone help me here? Has anyone been through something similar? I am pretty upset about the entire situation. I want to set rules as a family and come up with solid consequences. But how can I do that as a step parent? I don't feel like I have any control and I think he knows that.
Sorry for the long post and thanks in advance for any insight.
I am new to this group. My fianc and I are moving in together in two months. He has his kids on weekend and I have my daughter full time. Our time together as a family unit is fairly limited but we just went camping for 4 days and I am very upset with the situation I am faced with.
His son is 8 and is a difficult child in that he shows many symptoms of Asbergers and has a very hard time functioning in a social setting with other kids and adults, other then his parents. He will hit people in the head with whatever he can after a few minutes of interaction. His dad uses redirection most of the time to deal with this. He doesn't make him take ownership for the action or take anything away. Often times the two of them will do an activity alone together instead. I think this is backwards--like the son misbehaves and gets alone time with dad. Shouldn't that come as a reward?
Anyway, the son is not happy that we are moving in. He has told me for months that we are not moving in together, that I am boring, that he doesn't like me. He mostly ignores me. And. unofortunately, he is also easily ignored as he is usually in his room playing on the computer or doing lego because of his inability and disinterest in playing with anyone else.
And when we all go out to a social event my fianc spends the entire time directing his son's actions so that he does not physically abuse anyone or cause disruptions with the other children.
He was outwardly defying me but my fianc did put his foot down immediately. His son now sees that he cannot be mean to me in front of his dad so he is only doing it when we are alone and he is starting to target my 7 year old daughter, I believe because he can see that is an easy way to get back at me.
He hits, pinches, kicks, hits me on the head with things, gets up in my personal space and more worrisomely threatens things--like he will burn me if I don't do what he wants or he will throw my phone in the lake. If I try to tell him to stop he will just move onto another bad behavior or run away from me then immediately be nice to me again once his dad is with us. He also kicks me under the table and bent my finger back very hard while we were all sitting together.
I am worried about his behavior, about my relationship with his father and about the fact that he isn't diagnosed and his parents both just deal with each bout individually without seeming to realize the depth of violent and vindictive this child's behavior is.
Can anyone help me here? Has anyone been through something similar? I am pretty upset about the entire situation. I want to set rules as a family and come up with solid consequences. But how can I do that as a step parent? I don't feel like I have any control and I think he knows that.
Sorry for the long post and thanks in advance for any insight.
My son did hit, kick, spit, scream, and bite, but he has learned to control himself and refrains from physical aggression now. He does still get verbally aggressive though. He can be extremely rude and disrespectful, but we are working on that. One step at a time.