Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) Support Group
Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) an ongoing pattern of disobedient, hostile, and defiant behavior toward authority figures that goes beyond the bounds of normal childhood behavior. When a child cannot seem to control his anger or frustration, even over what seems to be trivial or simple to others, the child will often react in violent or negative ways to his own...
Okay, I'm not sure I even belong here, but I started reading this forum and it struck a chord. So here goes...a long story, which I will try to make shorter.
My youngest daughter was a perfect baby; I know all parents say that, but she was an angel--very rarely cried, very active and curious--in fact, that was the only complaint I could have made about her, that she was into everything--could not keep her confined in a carseat (she learned to squeeze through the buckles and would climb out), a playpen (she tore a hole in the bottom netting and climbed out), or anything else. She was very intelligent, learning things on her own just by listening to me quiz her older siblings (her brother is 5 years older, and her sister is 16 months older). She breezed through the "terrible twos" with no problems at all. Then she turned three and seemed to be possessed.
She would literally follow me through the house screaming at the top of her lungs; if I picked her up she would begin to pummel me with her fists and thrash around like a fish; if I tried to walk away from her, she would follow. Eventually she began to beat her head on the walls when she was in a rage (which would erupt for absolutely no cause), and pluck out her eyebrows. I tried talking to her babysitter (who was very close to us, she had been watching my children since my son was a baby), and she told me she never had any problems with her, she was an angel there. I was left in tears thinking I was somehow making my baby hate me. About 7 months into this, the babysitter finally broke down and told me she was being defiant to her and downright mean to the other children, and if I didn't figure something out I was going to have to find someone else to watch her. I took her to several therapists: one told me she was acting out for attention (my god, there was no way possible I could give her any more attention--the other two were already getting very little), another sent me out the door after thirty minutes of talking to ME, not observing her at all, that she had ADHD and was acting out because she didn't know how to deal with it. He wrote a prescription and that was the end of it. I went to several other doctors searching for some kind of answer, including crisis intervention, but no one could seem to help. They just kept telling me to try all these discipline strategies that were only making things worse. And the whole family was suffering because of her behaviors. We stopped going anywhere because I never knew when or what would set her off. And to discipline her only made the rages get far worse until she was hurting me or her siblings or herself.
Now, let me stop talking about her issues for a second and admit that her father (who we live with and have since she was a couple months old) was extremely physically abusive to me, and is still verbally and emotionally abusive to me, and neglectful of the children. I won't pretend that I don't acknowledge that this has impacted her negatively. The problem is I don't know what to do. Rather than getting better as she has gotten older and rather than getting easier to rationalize with, she is getting worse. She is now bigger than I am, she is extremely disrespectful to adults, but particularly to me and to her father during the rare occasion that he talks to her. She is abusive towards her sister. She found a pocket knife yesterday and I caught her trying to prick her sister with it. This then became a 45 minute battle with her to get it from her and then stop her breaking things up in the house because I took it from her.
The thing is, once she is finished with a rage (which again, anything might set her off), she then sobs like her best friend just died and apologizes and says she doesn't understand why she acts like that. (Although these times of remorse are coming less and less). I am currently looking for a new counselor for her, as she refused to go back to the last one she was seeing because she was "stupid and she hated her".
I love her to pieces, literally, but I don't know what to do. With school ending in a week, I worry about her being home all day with her sister (who even though she is older is definitely no match for her), and I don't know how much more I can take of this behavior. Does this sound like ODD, or another issue? Does anyone have ANY suggestions that might work with a child who is out of control? She is a really great person (when she wants to be); I know she is hurting and angry--she has every right to be--and I am working on my personal battle with the "devil" and keeping my kids safe and helping them heal, but in the meantime I just don't have the strength to battle on so many fronts. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!
My youngest daughter was a perfect baby; I know all parents say that, but she was an angel--very rarely cried, very active and curious--in fact, that was the only complaint I could have made about her, that she was into everything--could not keep her confined in a carseat (she learned to squeeze through the buckles and would climb out), a playpen (she tore a hole in the bottom netting and climbed out), or anything else. She was very intelligent, learning things on her own just by listening to me quiz her older siblings (her brother is 5 years older, and her sister is 16 months older). She breezed through the "terrible twos" with no problems at all. Then she turned three and seemed to be possessed.
She would literally follow me through the house screaming at the top of her lungs; if I picked her up she would begin to pummel me with her fists and thrash around like a fish; if I tried to walk away from her, she would follow. Eventually she began to beat her head on the walls when she was in a rage (which would erupt for absolutely no cause), and pluck out her eyebrows. I tried talking to her babysitter (who was very close to us, she had been watching my children since my son was a baby), and she told me she never had any problems with her, she was an angel there. I was left in tears thinking I was somehow making my baby hate me. About 7 months into this, the babysitter finally broke down and told me she was being defiant to her and downright mean to the other children, and if I didn't figure something out I was going to have to find someone else to watch her. I took her to several therapists: one told me she was acting out for attention (my god, there was no way possible I could give her any more attention--the other two were already getting very little), another sent me out the door after thirty minutes of talking to ME, not observing her at all, that she had ADHD and was acting out because she didn't know how to deal with it. He wrote a prescription and that was the end of it. I went to several other doctors searching for some kind of answer, including crisis intervention, but no one could seem to help. They just kept telling me to try all these discipline strategies that were only making things worse. And the whole family was suffering because of her behaviors. We stopped going anywhere because I never knew when or what would set her off. And to discipline her only made the rages get far worse until she was hurting me or her siblings or herself.
Now, let me stop talking about her issues for a second and admit that her father (who we live with and have since she was a couple months old) was extremely physically abusive to me, and is still verbally and emotionally abusive to me, and neglectful of the children. I won't pretend that I don't acknowledge that this has impacted her negatively. The problem is I don't know what to do. Rather than getting better as she has gotten older and rather than getting easier to rationalize with, she is getting worse. She is now bigger than I am, she is extremely disrespectful to adults, but particularly to me and to her father during the rare occasion that he talks to her. She is abusive towards her sister. She found a pocket knife yesterday and I caught her trying to prick her sister with it. This then became a 45 minute battle with her to get it from her and then stop her breaking things up in the house because I took it from her.
The thing is, once she is finished with a rage (which again, anything might set her off), she then sobs like her best friend just died and apologizes and says she doesn't understand why she acts like that. (Although these times of remorse are coming less and less). I am currently looking for a new counselor for her, as she refused to go back to the last one she was seeing because she was "stupid and she hated her".
I love her to pieces, literally, but I don't know what to do. With school ending in a week, I worry about her being home all day with her sister (who even though she is older is definitely no match for her), and I don't know how much more I can take of this behavior. Does this sound like ODD, or another issue? Does anyone have ANY suggestions that might work with a child who is out of control? She is a really great person (when she wants to be); I know she is hurting and angry--she has every right to be--and I am working on my personal battle with the "devil" and keeping my kids safe and helping them heal, but in the meantime I just don't have the strength to battle on so many fronts. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!
Join the Conversation