Routine, routine, routine. Make sure he knows what is expected of him at any given moment in time. He needs to be able to anticipate what's happening next, and plan for it. Perhaps charts on the wall will help him know what's expected next Morning routine: get up at 7. Get dressed. Eat breakfast. Brush teeth. Put on coat and backpack. Wait for the bus. He can give himself stars or checks for each task he does successfully. Maybe he can earn a reward for a certain number of stars he earns.


Don't disrupt his school schedule, as in vacations in the middle of the school year, or days off just because he's not getting out the door easily. I've seen the disaster this creates at school. It might not happen the first day back from school, but I've had a recent episode with a student who tantrumed, in increasing intensity, from the moment he had to start class work till the end of the day. This was four days back from vacation. He took a tantrum break for lunch, recess, and quiet time - where he was happy as a clam. it was when he had to do work that he flipped out, because he was used to playing around for the last 10 days with his family. We couldn't let him take the bus home, so the second he heard mom was coming to pick him up (it was the end of the day) he calmed down again. Like a flip was switched. That family vacation he took disrupted his usual routine, and set his progress back.


He has to know what the rules are and has to stick to them. Consistency is key. Also has to be held accountable for his actions, in some way. If he messes up the living room by throwing things around in a tantrum, it's his job to clean it up once he's calm. Not your job (I mean you can help a little with stuff that's breakable or heavy). No playing until done. He calms down. He fixes his mess. Even if he has to sit for a long time before he's calm. He has to see logical consequences to his actions, and has to see them every time. This might not always dissuade him from tantruming next time, but he'll remember that he has to fix whatever it was he messed up. Hopefully he'll get it eventually.

Praise him for the good stuff, and a lot of it. Make sure he knows you're on his side, despite everything. Teach him how to anticipate when he's starting to melt down and establish a means for helping him calm himself down - whether it be deep breathing, singing, a squeeze toy, whatever. Teach him skills for solving problems - your sister knocked over your lego display, how can we fix this? Give him choices -you can build another one, I'll help, maybe even bigger or you can you play with cars instead. Which do you want to do? Choices are important, as often their anger is so intense it prevents them from seeing a way out of situations. You help them see the way out by providing good choices. Also, rewards for good behavior (the charting can help with this).


What is the school doing with him? It might be important to follow the same structure and methods they use in school, if it's successful there.


Get out of the house once in a while for your own sanity. Plan a date night and get a reliable sitter. Make sure whatever the sitter will be doing with the kids is something your son really enjoys, so the chances of her returning are good.


As far as the noise and the lease, I don't know. Maybe a community social worker has an answer to that. Reach out to as many people as you can.


Good luck, things will get better as your family learns how to deal with these issues. I know it's exhausting.

Thank you, such wonderful and informative advice. The school and I are working on a 504 plan. His teacher is very patient with him and I am grateful, she calls me when he is refusing to work and I encourage him, this usually helps a lot. I am wondering if I can take him diagnosis to the leasing management and explain. I live below the property manager, she is not a very nice person, and she is also very nosey. She has dogs and her apartment is constantly noisey, running, stomping, etc. She approached me and told me about my son screaming waking her up on the weekday mornings 630-7am. He does not scream everyday, but that is often his response when he is told its time to go to school.

You could try going to the management, first I'd get a copy of the lease agreement and be familiar with it. You may even have legal rights to not get kicked out if your son has a diagnosed issue. How about asking the school counselor?

You are not alone. We are dealing with the exact same thing with our 8 year old. He can be the most wonderful kid on the planet. He honestly has a heart of gold but we can tell that he is struggling. He was just diagnosed with ODD and ADHD and we are working on treatment. Stay strong. There's light at the end of the tunnel. Don't be afraid to ask for support when you need it.

It sounds like your having a rough time getting your son out the door to attend school. It may be helpful to talk to him regarding his reason/s he do not want to attend school. Also, prepare him for school the night before, developing a visual routine schedule, and having the discussion that night before of what his day will consist of may also be helpful. It may also be beneficial to inform him of what will take place in sequence (first/then).