We are going through a similar situation with our 14 year old son. He was arrested this Monday after damaging our house and for being physical with his father as well has charges for uttering death threats and threatening with a deadly weapon. He has been hospitalized 4 times in the past year for suicide attempts. I have tried everything to get him into therapy however if he doesn't go volunteerily then they won't take him and he refuses. He never exhibits regret after his actions either. It is so difficult when it's your child and you want to protect them but at the same time walk around on eggshells because you are terrified of them and what they may do. I wish I had the answer to solve all of this but there doesn't seem to be much help available. My son is currently in a group home awaiting a full physiatric evaluation before his next court date on the 16th and we are able to talk to him via a phone only. It's reached an ultimate low and we feel lost. We just want him to receive help and treatment to be able to handle himself. I don't want his anger to manifest into something even worse and carry on into his adulthood where there may not be a chance for him. My heart breaks for all parents going through this.

I feel ya. That's where we were before we placed him on the ranch. Destroyed the house, death threats, charged with bodily injury with a deadly weapon. My son would not allow us to take him to counseling. I'm sure some people hear this and think to themselves " put his butt in the car and make him!"...... It's not that easy. My son is 6'4" and 260 lbs and you can't make him do anything anymore. He uses his size now to get what he wants.
We had been searching and searching for help but nothing was available. We were told last year that we would basically have to wait for him to get in trouble with the law. Well that's nice! But we did just that. As soon as he got out of juvenile detention center we placed him in a vehicle and he headed straight to the ranch for troubled teens. It wasn't easy and there were times that I didn't think he was going to make it there but he did.
Now I just sit and wait and pray....... And hope I don't get that phone call.
Everyday is a challenge. Some days I don't want to get out of bed. My heart is broken for all of us going through this. I'm searching online for books and groups to help me cope with it all. I feel better knowing that I am not alone.

I just want to say that my heart goes out to both of you. Most people do not understand what it's like to have a child with ODD, so they tend to blame the parents. I completely understand. All I can say is that at a certain point you have to make yourself the priority and try to heal your hurt and get on with your life. I know that may sound harsh, but there is only so much abuse a parent can take.

How is your son doing at the ranch? No one but a parent of these kids can or will ever understand.
I hope things are a little better for u and your family.

I'm new to this and just want to thank you all for your honesty! We've been dealing with my son (just 17 this month) for the last 3-4 years being out of control. When he was little we went through the gammet of diagnosis --ADHD, Asperger's, etc., until he broke the law back at 14 and he was diagnosed with ODD and attachment disorder. Just prior to breaking the law, social services was involved and told us that nothing could be done until he broke the law. That was after he was damaging the house, stealing from us,sabotaging things and had called the police of us because we were 'enforcing our morals on him'. For the last couple of years, we can't have him at home without constant supervision due to the above and more. I also have a 9 year old daughter that I'm protecting from his outbursts and rage. We have been paying for an 'apartment' in town (we live outside of town) that he uses as a landing zone after school and on the weekends. It's our 'teen day-care' for him. He doesn't have access to the bedroom for obvious reasons and there is no TV or land line. This has been the best option for us since both my husband and I work. We are counting down to his 18th birthday. I know that sounds horrible to most people, but then again, no one seems to understand just how hard it is. Except for here. Thanks

I just want to say if he is 1 month into a 8 month program I wouldn't expect to see much change yet - I have been talking to one of these programs and we are going to visit and they describe the stages almost like grief - Angry "I hate you, why did you send me here" - Denial "Let me come home I swear I'll be good"... and eventually on to acceptance and change... I think "Angry" can last some time -so don't get discouraged.

Is anyone willing to share the names of the programs they are using.. would be good to know who is seeing good/bad results from what programs.

I thank all of you for sharing your stories. It is true that no one knows what we are going through unless they have a child that has one or more of these conditions. We went to therapy and all I got from that is we are bad parents. My sisters think our son is just spoiled rotten, and my own mother tells me she raised 6 kids and never would have "allowed" this kind of behavior. The only hope or encouragement I see is on this site. I wish we could all sit down for coffee and share notes! Take care and keep up the good fight.