He can be very charming and is so smart and has a big heart. He is very smart and would make a great engineer. His is a Lego fanatic and loves to build things.And then to see him exploid into this scarey, explosive little demon is very sad and I feel so at a loss as to what to do. We try to reason with him, give his options, etc. Sometimes nothing works. It is so draining and I think the teacher must be a saint to go through things with him every day of the week.

There is hope. I have a 15 year old granddaughter who has been out of control since age 3. She has been on every drug possible and therapy for years and years. Psychiatrists, therapists, doctors - we have seen them all with very little success. She behaved in school most of the time but her grades were awful. She would do OK for awhile and then something would set her off, and she would be breaking everything in the house, hitting people, running away. There was no way to predict what would start the tirade. Family activities were few and far between it wasn't worth potentially upsetting her - the whole family tiptoed around her.

All this came to a head last year - 2012 was the worst year ever. We had the police called four times. they hauled her to the emergency room once and once to a shelter. She physically assaulted her mother seriously injuring her. She punched me in the face - which was new. That was a line she had never crossed before.

We petitioned the court to have her committed and the judge agreed. She was hospitalized for 5 days at a cost of tens of thousands of dollars. They diagnosed her with ODD, mood disorder, depression. They released her with very little help.

Finally the school offered my daughter a source - it was called Circle of Care Step in program. It is a program that helps at risk mentally ill adolescents get mental health care, help with stresses at school and home. They hooked us up with a psychiatrist with a major university hospital via web cam. They started her on abilify which started to turn things around. After a period of time, they doubled her dose and things got even better.

We found another therapist (it took 6 months to actually get an appointment) who has been working with her and things are getting better and better. They added Wellbutrin to the Abilify and results have been amazing. She, for the first time, has no grade under a C. And we have had no outburst or meltdowns for five months.

She does live with me rather than her mother because she had become so violent we were concerned about her siblings.

It gets tiring and it gets frustrating. The mental health situation for adolescents in this country is sadly lacking.

One of her therapist refused to continue to see her "because she was violent". I had a psychiatrist slam the door in my face when she had an outburst IN HIS OFFICE. She broke my daughter's phone, and the psychiatrist refused to even call 911 for us. We had to borrow a phone from a stranger. I asked that doctor why he couldn't help us with a mentally ill child when he was in fact a mental health professional - he said he could not help us and slammed the door in my face. he even refused to speak with the police officer when he arrived.

So I can tell you horror stories about trying to get help. It is very hard to find. All I can say is keep plugging - you will find the beacon of hope somewhere.

I wanted to add that we had failed a claim against the psychiatrist that failed to help in this potentially violent situation. The state has indicated it is investigating the situation, but we have yet to hear anything further from them.

Stlfocus, how can I find out about that Circle Of Care program. I am tired of going to bed every night crying! I want to try everything and I haven't heard of this. I tried to google it but didn't find anything that fit your description. Thank you for your help.
Rachelini, I'm so sorry for all your going through. I am right where you are with my nine year old daughter. She is terrorizing our family. We (myself and twin daughters) live with my parents. A couple of weeks ago she actually bit my mom! A new line she crossed. Just feeling like I'm waiting around for the next "line" she is going to cross.
Praying for all you guys. Sometimes I feel like this can't be real, I must be on candid camera!!

It is a program that I believe is run through the County of Clinton or the state of Iowa, I am not sure which. The sad thing is they are constantly being threatened with closure due to budget constraints. Here is the website:

http://www.communitycircleofcare.org/clinic.asp

Maybe they can direct you to something in your state. They have been instrumental and so helpful in getting us help.

We have been in the same place you are. There is help, but it is very very hard to find. So few mental health practioners want to work with adolescents. You are pretty much left to deal on your own. I have to give so much credit to my daughter is never giving up and constantly contacting various organizations for help even after being turned down time and time again.

You have my best wishes in getting help.

I don't want to be a shill and don't know if this is appropriate for this site, but we've been working off this book.
http://www.amazon.com/Kazdin-Method-Parenting-Defiant-Child/dp/0547085826/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1365182745&sr=8-1&keywords=kazdin+method+for+parenting+the+defiant+child

It has been tremendously helpful. It has not been a cure, however; no such thing exists. It has allowed us to greatly improve our life at home. However, almost all of our son's problems stem from school work and the school environment. So we are constrained by the fact he's out of our supervision for large chunks of the day.

I think he might be a really great adult, if school doesn't destroy him. And the Kazdin book above REALLY helped in getting us to a place in our family that's pretty good.

My son with ODD is now 20 yrs old and we have been living with his moods that most of you describe. I hoped and prayed that he would learn to handle his emotions as he got older. Some days yes he is a gem, some days he argues about everything on earth. It was hard enough when his father was alive and we could at least tag team him, but now I am dealing with his outbursts by myself tho his older sister who still lives at home will deflect him at times. He started to get physical with me once since his father died, I happen to have my sandals in my hands as I was headed to bed, and before he got to me to hit me I slapped him across his face and it shocked him enough that it stopped the coming assault. Several weeks later he asked me if I was afraid of him at that time, I lied and told him NO, I would never be afraid of one of my kids. He has not attempted to be physical with me since. Truth is I am afraid if he did he would really hurt me or my daughter, he is 5'10" and very strong, I am 5'6" and my daughter 5'3", I have health problems and I am no match for him.

Now in some respects he is coming around, tho he has his bad days. I have not had him on any meds since 5th grade because to me the meds seemed to make him more angry.

It struck me as odd as in Rachel's description of her grandson, my son started making complicated things with lego when he was a toddler and still does as he is a fanatic with building things, we always thought he would end up some sort of engineer, but he dropped out of HS when his father died and has only recently gone back to get his HS degree, the likely hood of him going to college is nil as he simply lacks the respect for authority to get thru all the schooling.

All this is to say, I have made it this far, it is scary when our kids act like something from another planet. Like stated before, no meds since 5th grade, the only thing I have found that helped and he refuses to take it, was St Johns Wort for the depression, which also reduced his angry times I feel at times I would love to just kick him out of the house, but the mother in me knows he has no place to go as he does not even have a job. But, that being said, I do have to have the hope that his future is not doomed and he will get a job and move on to have some sort of normal life. It may not be the life we envisioned when he was born and showed so many signs of being so darn smart, but at this point I will be grateful for him getting a job and moving out and supporting himself in some fashion.

Some of your stories at least let me know I am not really alone.