Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) Support Group
Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) an ongoing pattern of disobedient, hostile, and defiant behavior toward authority figures that goes beyond the bounds of normal childhood behavior. When a child cannot seem to control his anger or frustration, even over what seems to be trivial or simple to others, the child will often react in violent or negative ways to his own...
I posted this in another forum as well, but thought maybe someone in this forum might also know something to do at this point. I don't even know if ODD is my daughter's issue, but I am literally at my breaking point. I cannot continue on like this--last night was just one episode in a battle that is ongoing every day. I just have so much else going on that I feel I cannot focus on because of behaviors like this. Please help if possible!
Our 13 year old daughter has been a challenging child since she was 3 years old--from meltdowns that would last for hours and end with her sobbing uncontrollably, to actual fist fights with her sister (who is about 60 pounds lighter than her). She has a unique brand of disrespect saved for me, but she is an angel in school and with other adults (AS LONG AS I'M NOT THERE).
We have been to so many therapists over the years, and I totally understand that she has a lot of anger, confusion, and problems towards me and her father for the situation. Let's be frank, their lives have sucked due to their father's behaviors and especially to my choice to remain in this situation for so long. I get that and I am trying to be stronger and in counseling for all of us (at least the kids and I) to heal and grow. The problem is I don't know how much more I can take. I am getting battered constantly (emotionally)--if it isn't him, it's her, and hers has bite now. I am terrified because about 7 months ago, I was listening to her rant at me because I didn't have the money to buy her something she decided she wanted in the store, and it occurred to me that she sounds EXACTLY like her father now.
My son won't even come home to visit except for brief visits because of her attitude--he says he is going to hurt her one day and cannot tolerate her disrespect and ignorance. I have been trying the same tactic with her that I am with her father, the remaining calm and not launching into excuses and justifications, but I am so exhausted! I cannot focus on what I need to do when I am constantly battling with someone over something. Last night she got angry because I said my niece couldn't come over for the weekend because we have plans already. This launched a two hour battle during which she shoved me, hit her sister, and berated me, my family, and anything else she could think of. I am pathetic, stupid, and she hates my whole stupid family. She then repeated that I was pathetic and screamed at me "why don't you just go cry about that you pathetic excuse of a parent".
I don't know what to do with her. I feel for her because I know life is hard right now. I also am terrified because she is becoming more like her father every day--from her actions, to her words, to the fact that she feels the world should revolve around her. As long as she gets what she wants, life is good, the minute she doesn't she is a miserable little demon. She is now also refusing to go to therapy. I take off work, take her there, and she then refuses to exit the car--we sit there arguing for a good 15 minutes before I leave. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated! I don't know how much more I can take seriously. I am embarrassed to admit that my family is so out of control, and that I am literally at my breaking point--I am so exhausted it is all I can do to get out of bed every day from the constant battle to stay calm and strong in the face of constant criticisms and screaming. Thanks guys!
Our 13 year old daughter has been a challenging child since she was 3 years old--from meltdowns that would last for hours and end with her sobbing uncontrollably, to actual fist fights with her sister (who is about 60 pounds lighter than her). She has a unique brand of disrespect saved for me, but she is an angel in school and with other adults (AS LONG AS I'M NOT THERE).
We have been to so many therapists over the years, and I totally understand that she has a lot of anger, confusion, and problems towards me and her father for the situation. Let's be frank, their lives have sucked due to their father's behaviors and especially to my choice to remain in this situation for so long. I get that and I am trying to be stronger and in counseling for all of us (at least the kids and I) to heal and grow. The problem is I don't know how much more I can take. I am getting battered constantly (emotionally)--if it isn't him, it's her, and hers has bite now. I am terrified because about 7 months ago, I was listening to her rant at me because I didn't have the money to buy her something she decided she wanted in the store, and it occurred to me that she sounds EXACTLY like her father now.
My son won't even come home to visit except for brief visits because of her attitude--he says he is going to hurt her one day and cannot tolerate her disrespect and ignorance. I have been trying the same tactic with her that I am with her father, the remaining calm and not launching into excuses and justifications, but I am so exhausted! I cannot focus on what I need to do when I am constantly battling with someone over something. Last night she got angry because I said my niece couldn't come over for the weekend because we have plans already. This launched a two hour battle during which she shoved me, hit her sister, and berated me, my family, and anything else she could think of. I am pathetic, stupid, and she hates my whole stupid family. She then repeated that I was pathetic and screamed at me "why don't you just go cry about that you pathetic excuse of a parent".
I don't know what to do with her. I feel for her because I know life is hard right now. I also am terrified because she is becoming more like her father every day--from her actions, to her words, to the fact that she feels the world should revolve around her. As long as she gets what she wants, life is good, the minute she doesn't she is a miserable little demon. She is now also refusing to go to therapy. I take off work, take her there, and she then refuses to exit the car--we sit there arguing for a good 15 minutes before I leave. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated! I don't know how much more I can take seriously. I am embarrassed to admit that my family is so out of control, and that I am literally at my breaking point--I am so exhausted it is all I can do to get out of bed every day from the constant battle to stay calm and strong in the face of constant criticisms and screaming. Thanks guys!
rockym
Forgive me if I am too forward...but may I ask why you are staying with your husband if he is so horrible? Please don't take offense to that, I understand if it is a financial thing or that you want your kids to grow up with both parents present. I am just curious. I have been dealing with my son who is ADHD as well as ODD for years, he is now 15. We made many changes in his life. He has not been violent towards me since he was 12, he is now in a school where he can function normally, this was the first year I didn't have to go to school to put out fires every other day, but he does still unload all of his stress on me and he too will say some pretty nasty stuff and call me names. I don't know how to get this to stop, but I always try to go back and talk to him about the things he says to me when he has reached his limits and I can only hope each year will get better. My husband is also ADHD and I see a lot of his not so great traits in my son. My husband has gone to counseling with us in the past and he is willing to take any information from me about how to handle our son when he gets out of sorts, which is really hard for him because they are so much alike and it is hard for him not to fall into the fight with our son. But he is willing to try, I probably would have left the marriage a few years ago if he was not willing to try. The best advice I can give you is to make sure you do something for yourself every once in a while, get your hair done, mani/pedi, see a show or have dinner with a friend. Please always try to remember that when your daughter spits out those mean things to you, she is trying to communicate with you. Try to take those moments to let her know it's okay to feel that way but try to find out what triggered the outburst, just sit with her and let he scream and yell, but really listen to what she is saying, you would be surprised what you can find out by just listening. Be prepare to hear things that deep down you know are true about you and your situation. Good luck, I hope you are able to find peace with your family.
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