So sorry you are going through this. My daughter has ADD and ODD so I can relate. She's great until she's told no. Everything is a fight with her and always has been. She's now 15.

A few things stand out in your post. There is no medication for ODD but for many, being on medication for ADHD can help the symptoms of ODD.

Behavioral Therapy is what is recommended for ODD and it will involve the entire family unit.

I understand the wanting to keep things peaceful but your husband has to be on the same page with you. The two of you must show a united front.

Each child is different but from what I've learned, you can't control them. They will do what they want. It is our job to guide them and enforce consequences for their decisions/ actions. You just have to find what works for them. (Of course when it comes to violent a, hurting themselves or others, intervention is a must)

For our daughter, her social life is what she wants. Bad grades = no social activities. No fun things with her friends on the weekends, no sleepovers and no electronics. Once her grades are acceptable, her privileges return.

You have to keep strong and consistent with enforcement, between the two of you. That is the most difficult but it is a must.

They will try and play you against one another, ours now knows if one says no, they better not come ask the other. We text each other often when we know she's up to making plans. To get ahead of her manipulative behavior.

Best of luck! Hope some of this is helpful.

Thank you, yes, it is helpful. Nothing really bothers her right now when I take something that she likes away, it could just be her age. We see her Nero yesterday and they added a dose to her meds. Hoping this will help. I told my husband what you had said about us working as a team and he said he knows but that sometimes it is hard when she cannot be controlled. So, we are going to start going to therapy as a family to help us learn how to help her and for her to learn new ways to vent that are not harmful.

Once again thanks!

Hi there, Just want to say that anticonvulsant meds help my son with ADHD/ODD. The anticonvulsant is Trileptal (Generic: oxcarbazepine). He takes this along with Vyvanse. Before we started the meds, his violent outbursts made me fear for the safety of his siblings. The meds help him control his behavior. The psychiatrist explains that the meds give his brain more time to consider an action before he takes it. It sounds like you have meds for your child, but I wanted to post in case someone reading needs help with violent behavior. Of course, all is not perfect and everyday is still a struggle with defiance but at least I don’t have to worry as much about violence.

There is no easy answers when a child with ODD is going to do what they want to do. Try giving a 17 yr old consequences. You can take away anything and they will find other vices, transportation, cell phone etc. We are prisoners in our own lives. You, the parent are the bad guy even when they caused their problem by not listening in the first place. How do you get an ODD 17 year old to take meds, talk to a therapist, hold a job, and tell you the truth when those things are in opposition to the symptoms. Crisis usually precipitates change and I am just praying it is not a big one. My son has destroyed my marriage and our family union because every argument creates another argument, insults, judgements, and criticism. I am at wits end and should have an Oscar for how well I hide my reality from work, friends, and family.