Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) Support Group

Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) an ongoing pattern of disobedient, hostile, and defiant behavior toward authority figures that goes beyond the bounds of normal childhood behavior. When a child cannot seem to control his anger or frustration, even over what seems to be trivial or simple to others, the child will often react in violent or negative ways to his own...

1,201 Members

1,683 Posts

0 Online

shelliwiley3 08/19/2012

Uugghh...I'm so frustrated today. I couldn't think of a better way to deal with my frustrations today than to vent a little on here.

My 10yr old son has been diagnosed with ODD (although I disagree with the diagnosis). I belong to this group because he does exhibit many of the behaviors, but not all. Anyway...today, I'm ready to strangle him. Not literally OF COURSE. I'm just frustrated beyond words with him and I'm so angry with myself for feeling the way that I do.

My son is so wound up today and his behaviors and attitude are just over the top. Everything he knows he's NOT supposed to do, he's done today. He's aggravating his siblings...just for the pleasure of it. His tics are out of control. He's mean and rude and disrespectful. He has broken several toys, ripped apart books, and even cracked his tv today. I know part of it is his anticipation and nervousness about the start of school tomorrow. When he gets anxious or nervous, he becomes unmanageable. BUT, that never excuses the behaviors. I got so angry and frustrated with him earlier this afternoon (after he cracked the tv) that I went into his room, drug out the toy box, the book shelf, took the tv out...basically took his room down to a radio (which I debated taking also) and a bed. I don't know what else to do with him.

I'm angry with him today...but like I said, I'm also angry with myself for not knowing how to handle him...not knowing how to reach or help him. I'm his mother...I should be able to :'(

shelliwiley3 08/19/2012

Well, now add broke part of his bed to his list of mis-deeds today. He was angry with me, so he went into his room and proceeded to jump on his bed...which cracked the slats that the mattress rests on. GRRRRRR

deleted_user 08/23/2012

Hey! It's not like when you left the delivery room they handed you a book on "how to handle this child for the next 18yrs" !! Don't beat yourself up for not knowing what to do. It's always trial and error, because kids are people, and people are unique, and what works for one person doesn't work for everyone.

I can say that when you "parent emotionally" (ie. allow your voice and body language to show you are frazzled) it tends to backfire, and when you show that you are upset kids don't react the same way as they would to the same situation handled calmly. I didn't realize how large an impact it made until I watched the "supernanny" show and saw that almost every child of every age "took advantage" of their parents getting frustrated and just worked them over.

Getting on here and venting is a great way to help yourself calm down. But honestly, The most important thing you can do to get calm is: STOP judging yourself!
There is no such thing as a "perfect parent", and there isn't just "one right answer" either.

deleted_user 08/23/2012

Another thought, you mentioned Tics..typically those are a stress response. It's hard to see how much stress they can actually take on themself and "hide". If you can start implementing some stress relief coping skills for him to do himself, which will be unique to him, that might help you.
Also, if you know in advance "he's going to be stressed on Friday" and do something to head it off. (like some physical activity first chance you have on that day) you might see decreased erratic behavior. Taking him somewhere fun after the behavior is a reward for the behavior, but if you do it before it starts it's not.
Also, if you can set up a reward system for "voicing how he feels" instead of acting out, it might help. Positive reinforcement works much better than punishment. And learning to identify emotions and not just react to them is a really important life skill.

Hope that helps
Feel free to message me if you want to.

deleted_user 08/24/2012

Just28me--that is awesome advice, and I have to tell you it works. When we started implementing those techniques with my son, it took a good month or more to see the improvements. At the beginning we were unaware he had language disorders, so when we started implementing non verbal techinques along with some verbal ones we saw big improvement. We still have our days but the explosions have minimized and we are not so stressed when dealing with him. We were those emotional parents who would just yelled and scream at him, and believe me when I say it got us no where, other then more gray hair.

deleted_user 08/24/2012

Thanks Sowle!
I think you should post some of the non verbal techniques you used, great way to build on what I said!
What i thought of was:
Either an emotion chart where your child can move a magnet to their feeling. Or cards they can carry around with them and show you instead of having to verbalize. On the chart/cards name all the emotions you can think of in descriptive words on one side and a picture on the other side (drawn or an actual pic of them- ask them to make a mad face, a sad face, happy face, sleepy face, etc)
I think even if a child has no verbal issues, a chart/cards would give them a visual reminder and help immensely.

You reminded me of something else important too. When you change your techniques with parenting, it normally gets worse before it gets better so try something new for 6-8 weeks before you give up. They struggle to get the control back, that's Usually why.

deleted_user 09/14/2012

hi im also knew to this a friend advised me to a have a daughter who i am struggling with immensly she has not been diagnosed with anything yet i have had problems with her for a long while but she just seems to be getting worse ... angry ,bad tempered ,violent against others, threatens to kill herself, breaking things blaming other people, ignoring people, wetting the bed and saying she did it on purpose ,running away the list is endless its not fair on the other children and im at my wits end she has had extra help at school her behavoir is much worse at home than it is at school yet she is really good with her school work when she is nice she is lovely but things cant go on like this no more last year i went to see a doctor and they sent us to have meetings with someone from the childrens mental health team he did no good and said he was going to get in touch after his hols then never did so i felt let down by the medical profession and tried to deal with things myself which obviously havent worked as im writing on here ive just recently made an appoinment with my health visitor to have a chat with her about my situation and ask her advice would it be worth mentiong this o.d.d? as ive never heard of it before and see yourself and others are dealing with the same things i am ? :(

shelliwiley3 09/14/2012

My son was recently diagnosed with Aspergers Sundrome and they have removed the ODD diagnosis. According to our psychiatrist, Aspergers is often misdiagnosed for a long time and often ODD is what they label it. I'm not saying that ODD doesn't exist...trust me, through my journey, I have met a lot of parents whose children have it...but I have always felt that it wasn't "quite right" as far as my son goes. Yes, there are quite a few similarities. My son still has raging tantrums, breaks things, hits and throws things, swears, is aggressive, etc...but there are other reasons for it. Mentioning ODD is not necessarily a bad thing...just make sure that you see a doctor with whom you are very comfortable and have a good relationship with.

Join the Conversation