I feel your pain! We have our first ODD dr appt on Monday.

I read a book recently that addressed ODD in teens and the physician recommended taking everything away. All of it, so that they have to ask for things as they want it. (This all assumes that there is something that they want.)

The teens in question would have to ask for underwear! If they were still defiant, they could not be in the house without having to spend four hours walking around doing nothing. They couldn't talk to anyone, they couldn't watch anything, and they couldn't eat anything. Again, this assumes that the teens wouldn't want to run away.

Mine is 5. I'm at my wits end. I did it. I took it all away. At first I noticed that he started to want to interact more. (He has to interact positively or gets away from me.) A couple of days he seemed to be better, but today was another beast.

I'm going to keep it up. He obviously can't be rewarded for fitting. Interestingly, after today's fit, I almost went straight to negotiation, and had to stop myself. Hell the little brat shouldn't have anything for behaving like that! What was I thinking?

Are we just contributing to the disease in negotiating? Or are we teaching that you can negotiate versus having a fit?

Good Luck, I just joined this group and even in reading posts... I am appreciative of your sharing ;)

Stay strong!

I know what you mean about feeling hopeless sometimes. I have a six year old with ODD, and three other kids as well, and sometimes it just feels like it is never going to get any better. When I really think about it though, I know that is not true. Our kids will get better, even if only a tiny bit at a time, because we love them enough to try and help them any way we can. You are not a failure because your son doesn't process things the right way. You are a success and an example of strength because you are sticking with him and teaching him to be the best person he can be. That's all anyone can ask of a parent. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Thanks for your responses. We are doing better, I still think it's mostly my anxiety rather than his behavior that really is the upsetting thing. We will keep doing waht we can.

My son is 10, we have been dealing with this for a while too (just wrote my intro here just a bit back) ...

It was suggested by his counselors that we use the 1-2-3 Magic approach.. though the videos are out dated, the message is a good one it may be something to look into.

I feel your pain as well ... If you ever need to talk let me know ** hugs**

I know all too well how you mothers feel. It started for my child in preschool. His behavior was getting to be more than just the typical boys will be boys and it was getting to the point where their staff could just not accommodate it anymore. So I actually had to quit my job and stay home until he went to kindergarten full-time and that in itself was the beginning of our nightmare. I swear there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't get a phone call about his behavior. Whether it was hitting name calling being disrespectful refusal to do the work etc. And mind you he was only in kindergarten for half-day. It was to the point that there was no point for him to go to school because he wasn't learning anything and I felt like he was just getting in trouble all day long so much to the schools this may believe it or not I pulled him out. He was five and he had just turned five so technically I could awaited that extra year but I didn't thinking that because he so smart the challenge would've been good for him well it backfired on me. Through the whole thing the school was awesomethey worked with me every step of the way and they did they did everything they could to help my son and they did not want me to pull him out but at the time I had no choice my ex has been and I were arguing constantly over how to deal with this we didn't agree on anything edit the time I thought this was the best thing to do. So in that year and a half that I was home there were multiple psychologist visits psychiatrist visit counseling sessions doctors appointments all on my own to try to figure out how to help this child. Everything was on my shoulders I was so full of anxiety I cried all the time couldn't sleep sometimes I would shake uncontrollably just from the stress I couldn't understand why he was being this way why was he acting like this why couldn't he just listen and be glad to make good choices. I have another child he's older and never had any of these problems I couldn't figure out how to kids from the same house with the same rules can be totally different. So in the meantime he was diagnosed with ODD and ADHD and before I pulled him out of school the superintendent pushed for the school psychologist to do in a valuation to get my child and IEP because without it they were limited to how they can help him. Once that was in place when he went back to school in first grade everything changed. So many new doors opened up for my child. He now had a positive behavior plan put in place we had regular IEP meetings to discuss his progress he had an entire support team behind him helping him succeed because ultimately that's the goal he's entitled to an education in a public school system just like everyone else. It hasn't always been easy and he still has off days but compared now to where he was in kindergarten is an immaculate improvement and he is now in third grade and doing fantastic academically and behaviorally and also socially. One thing I do want to share was my breaking point and that was in kindergarten right before I pulled him out I got a phone call he was out-of-control there was nothing they could do I had to come pick him up from the sounds of it it sounded bad. So I went there shaking the whole way just worried about what I was going to walk into it when I walked in the office I couldn't believe my eyes my son was in a conference room ripping it apart throwing things off the desk knocking the chair over hiding under the desk would not listen to reason at all it was the first time but even I couldn't calm him down. I tried my best to get him but I couldn't and he wouldn't let you touch him and all the while I'm thinking oh my God these people probably think I'm the worst parent to have a child acting like this I was crying I couldn't hold it back anymore all of the teachers felt so bad for me and they were all trying to help me they knew that this really was and how he was none of us could understand what was going on I finally got him and I carried him out of the school and it was pouring down rain outside I get them to my car I put a man and as soon as I shut the door he went to the other side open the door and ran out of the car me including the teachers it walked me out were chasing him through the parking lot because we didn't want him to get hit by car so we catch him and he loses his shoe we get them in the car I sit in the backseat with him I lock all of the doors and I just sit there bawling my eyes out The teachers were drenched and all I wanted to do was go home we had called the schools resource officer to help because not only was he the resource officer of my child's school he was also a family friend so I thought that if my son saw him it would make an impact but it didn't but the resource officer followed me home in case he tried to get out of the car and any red lights. Once I got him in the house and he looked at me and was like perfectly fine like it never happened and I just looked at him like I couldnt believe it. I sat in the middle of the floor and I cried and cried and cried it was almost like at the time he was possessed it wasn't him it when you looked at him it was like he was looking right through you like he didn't even see you. After that it was fine and that never happened again but that was my breaking point it was just constant chaos in the house and matter if we were home no matter if we went somewhere I was costly stressed out about how his behavior was going to be. Needless to say when school came around again the next year I was petrified to send him because I didn't want those phone calls to start all over again but each year they've gotten less and less and this year I've had none in fact we just had an IEP meeting today and everything is fantastic and they've even started the fades away his para professionals in the room I can finally send him to school now and not have to worry. My son is on vibe Vance 20 mg once a day and it really does work with his focus and energy levels the only side effect that I can see it sometimes it's hard for him to fall asleep but once he does he stays asleep and not having a very big appetite. But I came on this forum because I know what it's like I know how stressful it can be and I know the advice of others always helped me so I wanted to share my situation and hopes that it let someone else know you're not alone and it does get better believe it or not

Hello.. Lynette's mom, My 3 1/2 year old acts the same way. He is very violent towards mostly myself but also the rest of the family. He was diagnosed with ODD and just recently ADHD. I am also in tears every single day. At what age did you put your son on medication? I'm trying desperately to find a way to help him but there is such controversity over medicating a preschooler. I need to be proactive because school is not that far away. Any insight would be greatly appreciated