can totally relate with you, it is a common OCD obsession. and you think do i really feel this way about him or is it just my OCD. I think you should talk with him about it, the more the obsession is a seceret the greater power it holds. This is a hard 1 though - knowing your true feelings for someone rather than OCD anxiety. You yourself will know deep down weither u like this person or not. its not what your thinking about them, try and not get anxious about it or dont get in2 the patern of obsessing about it. when you are in a clear state of mind think about it. Dont make any mad decission based on anxiety though.

I am going through the same thing and have been for a while now. I have physically been with my bf for over a year and a half. In the beginning i had an HOCD obsession and holy cow that effed with me especially since i had a bf. But that ended after a yr (half of the obsession was when we were in an LDR the other half was when we had closed the gap).

Well I would say 6 mths after that ended this obsession started creeping in. It goes back and forth with it's intensity. I got to the point where I was convinced that I had to break up with him even tho I really did not want too. It was awful I was trying so hard not to cry while at work. All I could think about all day was that i had to break up with him. I kept him informed about all my thoughts and always have even the HOCD obsession which I could feel upset him some times. It is better to have it in the open tho, especially when they may be able to help settle you down, even tho reasurrence is a compulsion. Also sometimes talking about ocd out loud can make it seem silly.

Well recently I would say a month ago I was starting to think about what it would be like with other people. That was really getting to me. It was happening to guys at work, two diff guys. I didnt even know them tho. I never did anything everything stayed thoughts. I did tell my bf about it and it got him upset as it would totally make me upset too. For some reason when i was with him i would be fine and be like "oh yea, i want to be with you". Then when we were apart i would forget everythign about us and my mind would wander onto things that i was unsure of. It was getting so confusing. It's like i would be someone else when we were apart cuz my brain would erase the memories of us and my feelings of us. I still have trouble with that. Like when we are apart i feel like we could just end it and everything would be fine. BUT in relaity it WOULD NOT be fine!!! But that is what my brain tells me.

Ok so a couple weeks ago my bf's anxiety sky rocketed and he started talking all crazy. He moved out here for me over a yr and a half ago. Moved away from his family who are now on the other side of the country. Well he was all freaking out saying he needed his dad. Which put me into a huge panic. This happened before back in june when he visited them and i had to go out there and come back with him as he was way to anxious to leave. (he wanted me to come out and come back with him). But like last time this time it was like our relationship was at a point where this may be it, we may be over. Holy stressed out i was and he was. Without getting into crazy detail it go even more stressful with the way he was acting. I became numb and it all just felt like a nightmare like it was all fake. Obviously my brains way of protecting itself. I told him that i just wanted to wake up.

At one point everything just sunk in and i burst out crying and wouldnt stop for 20-30 mins or maybe more idk. But i was hyperventalating, my body went lymp like i didnt care anymore and i almost threw up twice. At one point we were hugging and he got up to get something and i grabbed him tighter and told him not to leave me. And for about 15 mins or more i wouldnt let go of him. Through these stressful days/wks (as it happened two wkends in a row) i realized how much i loved him and how much i really wanted to be with him and how it would feel to lose him. I really really thought he was going to leave and we would be done. I knew i couldnt go back to an LDR and i knew if he left he would never be able to come back. He would have lost his job, place to live and we woulda had to start from scratch after a yr and a half. It just would not have worked out. I would say the worst time of my life ever was happening.

We ended up going to my psychologist the next day as an emergency appt and it was basically for my bf. He found out what causes him to act like that. He has gone through a lot of bad stuff in his life and it has definitely effected him. But after that session he came out feeling much better and understanding himself much better.

I panicked again this weekend thinking it was all going to happen again since it had happened the past two weekends. it will take me a while to get over it. The only good thing i took out of it was i was able to really truly feel how special he is to me and how much i love him and how i would never ever want to lose him. BUT from all the stress my OCD decided to come in to the party. So now my ocd is turning things again and telling me that what i felt was a lie. It wasnt real and so i'm like GAHHH!

Like before this all happened every time i hear people talk about relationships and finding the right person and figuring out who you like, and you have to have a first, and all that CRAP i get so freaking anxious!!! I cant hear it all as it messes with my head. I hate bad love songs to where they talk about moving on and stuff. I have to change the channel.

My mind is so attached to the word fate that i cant stop thinking what if this isnt fate. Also this IS my first relationship. It is BOTH of our first relationships so everytimg people talking about HAVING to have a first it's like wth does that mean we cant be together??? UGh i hate it, i wish we both at least had one person before we had each other so i can at least have that to be like we CAN be together.

UGH, stupid thoughts!!!!!!

Sorry for rambaling, hope this helps you some!!!