Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric disorder, more specifically, an anxiety disorder. OCD is manifested in a variety of forms, but is most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive (repetitive, distressing, intrusive) thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.
I just went to California for two weeks. My fiance and I are planning on moving there and we spent some time preparing our new home. During our trip, we stayed in different motels and then a trailer, which had no running water or electricity. I had trouble sleeping the whole time. My fiance, on the other hand, slept like a baby. In the first part of the trip, my father, diagnosed as Bipolar, complained about my fiance whenever he had the chance alone. I feel like this placed a lot of stress on me. After five days, my dad left, but I still felt anxious. There was a myriad of emotions that came up for me. On several occassions I cried my eyes out. I was thinking about all of my friends and family that I will be leaving behind when I move.
During the trip, I relied on Melatonin, Xanax, and Ambien to help me sleep. I hate the fact that I did this. I don't like relying on these meds and it scares me that I take them. On several occassions, I was very forgetful and distracted. I forgot to pay the contractor the full amount due and he called us, angrily while we were about to board the plane at the airport to go home. I also left the motel key in the door overnight and walked away from my laptop in the motel lobby. I don't know if this distraction comes as a side effect from the meds or if it come from my anxiety?
Needless to say, my fiance blamed in on the "drugs" and told me I need to stop taking them.
Any one else feel really anxious when they change the setting in their life? I feel like I can only handle a certain amount of stress and them my anxiety really flares up and piles up.
During the trip, I relied on Melatonin, Xanax, and Ambien to help me sleep. I hate the fact that I did this. I don't like relying on these meds and it scares me that I take them. On several occassions, I was very forgetful and distracted. I forgot to pay the contractor the full amount due and he called us, angrily while we were about to board the plane at the airport to go home. I also left the motel key in the door overnight and walked away from my laptop in the motel lobby. I don't know if this distraction comes as a side effect from the meds or if it come from my anxiety?
Needless to say, my fiance blamed in on the "drugs" and told me I need to stop taking them.
Any one else feel really anxious when they change the setting in their life? I feel like I can only handle a certain amount of stress and them my anxiety really flares up and piles up.
Whenever my normal routine is unsettled for an extended time, my panic and anxiety rears up and sometimes becomes unbearable. I just had that problem while traveling - I was on vacation in beautiful places and it should have been the most relaxing time, but after 4 days or so I started to panic and experience a lot of derealization. It was so frustrating that I couldn't enjoy my rare time off, but there was nothing to be done about it. I, too, relied on Xanax more than I normally would.
Your mention of staying without electricity and running water makes your panic especially understandable. During this trip, my panic increased when I lost connectivity to the internet for extended periods of time (both because I lost the ability to contact those important to me, and because I use Netflix and other online sources as ways to calm down during anxious moments). It also might sound odd, but I also panicked because getting food became a very stressful and time-consuming activity. I almost skipped several meals because the anxiety of that routine was too much.
All of this to say - your anxiety is totally understandable. Your fianc might simply be concerned for your well-being, but it doesn't sound as if their input is very helpful to you. Do you see a therapist or something similar? If so, it might be worth it to have your fianc join you for one sessions so that you can discuss their feelings about your anxiety and you can express what you need of them in those kinds of situations.
I hope that you're feeling better!
I understand about how even getting food can be stressful. This happened to me when I was in Spain by myself last year and I traveled through parts of the country by car. I went with out eating too much and I lost a lot of weight. When I got home, my pants no longer fit me.
I don't realize how much I benefit from routine and the familiar until I am away from it. I wish I was not this way. There was a time when I sought new and different experiences, but it seems that this can get overwhelming rather quickly now.
With my OCD, I appear normal to people and they don't understand the inner turmoil I experience. This is why many people don't think I need medication and think I need to come off. My therapist seems to be the only one who understands.
This is tough because sometimes I don't even know whether or not I should take it. I don't think I have the worst OCD out there, but I certainly do get anxious and sometimes I think it's more GAD than OCD.