Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric disorder, more specifically, an anxiety disorder. OCD is manifested in a variety of forms, but is most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive (repetitive, distressing, intrusive) thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.
I have had it!!!
I am so sick of this OCD! I am so sick of this fear of schizophrenia!! It's all i think about! My life revolves around my fear of schizophrenia! I can't do anything without thinking about. I worry all the time about having it. About seeing and hearing things that aren't there,having delusions, illusions, psychotic episodes, loosing touch with reality, and whatever is part of this disorder!!!!
Like all the thoughts that i keep thinking are belonging to this disorder and can be delusions for people that have it, such as: The piece of shit government being after me, even though i know they ARE NOT! Having people watching me or having cameras in my apartment, which by the way I KNOW ISN'T TRUE... there are no fcking cameras in my apartment, besides the one i use to take pictures with and my freaking web cam on my laptop which are always off unless i am using them!!! and no one is watching me.... who would want to watch me anyways?! i am not that interesting. Oh yeah and i cant forget the thought about my son being the fcking devil. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. HE is NOT, a devil! and never will be anything close to it!!! and the thought about my food being poisoned, if it were i can tell you right now i wouldn't be eating it, but clearly IT IS NOT, and never will be so i will continue to eat! I am so fed up with my mind and these damn thoughts i have been having!!
IM SO TIRED OF IT! seriously am!!! I hate this sht. i really do! I am always asking people if i make sense, or if i have acted differently and they always tell me, ''no you're still the same, i see no change in you". WHY cant i just accept it and move on?? Why cant i just let the damn thoughts go?? THEY HAVE NO SIGNIFICANCE in my life! I have no reason to think these things! This fear has gone way out of control! I cant stand it anymore. I cant stand thinking about it anymore, or creating my own thoughts about it anymore. I really cant. I would rather die right now, than have all these illogical thoughts going through my brain freaking 24 freaking 7!!!!!!
I know why i have this fear of being schizophrenic, it is because i was sent to a freaking psych ward! they told me in the ER that they were going to help me, and there was going to be groups and therapists! Was there? ABSOLUTELY not. It only made things so much worse for me, because i was placed in there with people that i knew had really bad psychiatric problems! I had absolutely no idea what schizophrenia was or what the symptoms were, until i was sent to a psych ward!! That damn place screwed me up big time! I had never even thought about being watched or the government being after me, or my food being poisoned, or my son being a devil, or hearing or seeing things that aren't there, until i get sent there. Seriously. THEY were supposed to help me, but instead made everything so much freaking worse for me. Before going in there, i didnt really think about being crazy or anything like that much, and if i did the thoughts didn't stick with me like they do now!
AM i crazy? AM i ever going to get over this and live like a normal person again and not have to ask for constant reassurance and constantly reassure myself that i am indeed not crazy or schizophrenic? I honestly can't handle this fear anymore. I don't know what to do. I needed to get all of this out or it would just bottle up and it wouldn't be good. I'm sorry that that was long. But if someone could please give me their two cents, i would greatly appreciate it. It is now 1 am and i can not sleep because i have a psych evaluation in the morning and i am so afraid that they are going to tell me that i am indeed schizophrenic, because of the thoughts i have, even though i know the stuff isn't going to happen.
Thanks for reading. I really appreciate it. I know it was long, but if you read it then thank you.
I am so sick of this OCD! I am so sick of this fear of schizophrenia!! It's all i think about! My life revolves around my fear of schizophrenia! I can't do anything without thinking about. I worry all the time about having it. About seeing and hearing things that aren't there,having delusions, illusions, psychotic episodes, loosing touch with reality, and whatever is part of this disorder!!!!
Like all the thoughts that i keep thinking are belonging to this disorder and can be delusions for people that have it, such as: The piece of shit government being after me, even though i know they ARE NOT! Having people watching me or having cameras in my apartment, which by the way I KNOW ISN'T TRUE... there are no fcking cameras in my apartment, besides the one i use to take pictures with and my freaking web cam on my laptop which are always off unless i am using them!!! and no one is watching me.... who would want to watch me anyways?! i am not that interesting. Oh yeah and i cant forget the thought about my son being the fcking devil. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. HE is NOT, a devil! and never will be anything close to it!!! and the thought about my food being poisoned, if it were i can tell you right now i wouldn't be eating it, but clearly IT IS NOT, and never will be so i will continue to eat! I am so fed up with my mind and these damn thoughts i have been having!!
IM SO TIRED OF IT! seriously am!!! I hate this sht. i really do! I am always asking people if i make sense, or if i have acted differently and they always tell me, ''no you're still the same, i see no change in you". WHY cant i just accept it and move on?? Why cant i just let the damn thoughts go?? THEY HAVE NO SIGNIFICANCE in my life! I have no reason to think these things! This fear has gone way out of control! I cant stand it anymore. I cant stand thinking about it anymore, or creating my own thoughts about it anymore. I really cant. I would rather die right now, than have all these illogical thoughts going through my brain freaking 24 freaking 7!!!!!!
I know why i have this fear of being schizophrenic, it is because i was sent to a freaking psych ward! they told me in the ER that they were going to help me, and there was going to be groups and therapists! Was there? ABSOLUTELY not. It only made things so much worse for me, because i was placed in there with people that i knew had really bad psychiatric problems! I had absolutely no idea what schizophrenia was or what the symptoms were, until i was sent to a psych ward!! That damn place screwed me up big time! I had never even thought about being watched or the government being after me, or my food being poisoned, or my son being a devil, or hearing or seeing things that aren't there, until i get sent there. Seriously. THEY were supposed to help me, but instead made everything so much freaking worse for me. Before going in there, i didnt really think about being crazy or anything like that much, and if i did the thoughts didn't stick with me like they do now!
AM i crazy? AM i ever going to get over this and live like a normal person again and not have to ask for constant reassurance and constantly reassure myself that i am indeed not crazy or schizophrenic? I honestly can't handle this fear anymore. I don't know what to do. I needed to get all of this out or it would just bottle up and it wouldn't be good. I'm sorry that that was long. But if someone could please give me their two cents, i would greatly appreciate it. It is now 1 am and i can not sleep because i have a psych evaluation in the morning and i am so afraid that they are going to tell me that i am indeed schizophrenic, because of the thoughts i have, even though i know the stuff isn't going to happen.
Thanks for reading. I really appreciate it. I know it was long, but if you read it then thank you.
A lot of people who suffer from Obsessive compulsive Disorder have a fear of going crazy or becoming schizophrenic, this OCD is called SOCD or s-ocd, (schizophrenia ocd), look it up on google and you will see that so many people have the same fear.
I must say that this is one of the hardest things i've been through myself, it's terrifying to say the least! But in all honesty what makes you're fear of being afraid of schizophrenia any more worse than a real schizophrenics fear of "the government being after them etc". The only difference is you don't act on the fear.
The thoughts maybe scary but you just need to keep telling yourself that these are only thoughts and they can't hurt you. You WILL get over this fear of Schizophrenia! I PROMISE *hugs*!
Thank you for being there for me as well :) It means a lot.
I have been diagnosed with ocd for over 13 years but was symptomatic long before that. I have been taking luvox since my initial dx and that helps a lot...
in the past few years my ocd shifted from mainly compulsions and rituals to almost exclusively obsessive and intrusive thoughts... while this is something i continue to struggle with, i want to share what has worked for me...
when i have an intrusive thought (about driving into oncoming traffic, visualising having sex with my father, what would happen if i screamed profanities in a room full of people etc etc etc) i try not to be hard on myself. when i recognise an intrusive thought (and they are not always easy to recognise- a few months ago i was having hundreds of thoughts a day that my bf was cheating on me- which he isn't- but didn't link that with my ocd symptoms until someone else pointed out that might be the issue and NOT a legit fear)
anyhoo... when i recognise an intrusive thought, i stop, mentally. i take control- take a deep breath, whatever, and i tell myself- "that's an ocd thought" and i let it go. when it comes back (and it will, but less and less frequently with time) i just keep checking in with the rational part of my brain and- stop, take control, say to myself "thats an ocd thought" and let it go.
i have learned not to berate myself for having these thoughts- i'm not a freak, incestuous, suicidal, psychopathic... whatever words you may use to describe yourself... stop using them. take the thought- about your son being the devil, you being schizophrenic, the possibility you have aids... whatever form it may take- take those thoughts and put them in an envelope labelled "that's an ocd thought' and mail it away.
they will come back, its a chronic illness... it has to be managed, not cured, and at times will get worse and at times will get better. but i promise that this will work eventually.
sometimes the thoughts will get even "worse", even "sicker" and will be more distressing and disturbing than they were in the first place... that's your illness trying to trick you, trying to keep you in the same thought patterns you are always in. don't fall for it.
"that's an ocd thought" and send it away.
retrain your brain- i try to picture the nerve pathways actually reforming and being newly created whenever i banish an ocd thought. it's physiology- every time you banish a thought you create or reinforce a new neural pathway... a good kind. every time you ruminate or obsess or perform a ritual or check or touch you reinforce the negative pathways in your brain.
obviously, this isn't a quick fix or a definitive cure, but it is the best thing i've found so far- and has changed my life and the way i think about my illness.
keep on recognising, regaining control, labelling the thought (without judgement) and sending it away.
stay strong.
And if one has OCD and has fears of being as homo and they call it "HOCD" what do OCDers with hoardin g symtpoms call their OCD? Can't they call it "HOCD" also? get confusing, doesn;t it?
If an OCDer has germ fears (aka contamination fears) is that called "GOCD" or "COCD"? And if an OCDer has checking fears is that callled "COCD"? Wooosh! How confusing!
I think I will stick with the mental health experts and just call it all "OCD" andf then talk about what SYMPTOMS or what "O's" and "C's" people have,,,,,,much easier for very obvious reasons,,,,,,
thing was, i WAS seeing and hearing things, as i am bipolar as well.
we got the bp under control, and the fear went away for the most part, though i do still have it under extreme stress sometimes...
anyway. i don't know what your path to control over these thoughts is...but i hope you have help finding one.
much love to you,
beep.
You want to know something awful though? I wrote on my blog once that I was afraid I was becoming skitzo and that I have bad ocd, and these horrible women on a forum tracked me down, posted my FULL NAME and ADRESS on the forum with my blog post, and said that I was a "crazy B***, the next Andrea Yates and that they were going to call CPS on me. Boy that woke me up to the fact that I am NOT a danger to my kids and they would be 100 times worse off being taken away from me and put in a foster home. And don't worry I got them to remove that stuff off the internet. It still makes me mad to think about though. Anyway, I thank God that I don't actually hear voices or see things or have weird delusions...and I don't have a blog anymore.