Hello,

I'm new to the group, and newly diagnosed. Though what I now understand to be OCD began when I was a young teen, it has taken 13-14 years for me to reach a point where I knew I could no longer bear it alone. Though I've been diagnosed, my therapy sessions don't begin for another week and scheduling/summer leave issues have pushed an appointment with one of the center's psychiatrists back to the end of September. I've never been keen on the idea of medication, but am at the point that I will do or take just about anything to make this better. While having a surprising name for the "face" of my thought process has been liberating in its own way, the pain of it all is crushing. After a certifiably horrific experience with a psychiatrist at a Mental Health Department, I feel even more lost and unsure of how to manage it all.

I work 50+ hours a week at a high-volume, high-stress law firm, which I balance with being a graduate student. I am fortunate to have a wonderful family and group of friends for support, and have a long-term partner who often becomes the focus of my more destructive thought processes (and thus often hurts more than helps, despite his love for me). I should feel thankful for the solid people around me, but I feel increasingly alone. With the exception of a very low point midway through college, I have always managed to be functional, but that functionality feels increasingly out of reach (and just in time for a very high-stakes exam, the death of my grandfather, and the doubling of work stressors, of course). I have developed many coping mechanisms on my own over the years, but have never been good at quieting my mind enough for peace (the few times I have achieved it, it's instantly brought me to tears - I'm a definite crier).

I'm thinking of using guided meditation to try and calm what are currently raging seas, but have no idea where to start. I wondered if anyone here used such things, and had any recommendations for websites, or CDs/digital purchases that have worked well for you. I'm also constantly crying at work (discreetly) in response to my thoughts, and taking the 5-10 minute bathroom stall breather is becoming harder as the office workforce grows. Does anyone have any tips for calming down that are discreet enough for the workplace? I would appreciate any and all advice or thoughts. I'm grateful to have found that a community like this exists.