Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric disorder, more specifically, an anxiety disorder. OCD is manifested in a variety of forms, but is most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive (repetitive, distressing, intrusive) thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.

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OK, I need to talk about my problems.

kokokitty
kokokitty
I am 23 and in the past few years I've been having OCD symptoms. My family says I am trying to self-diagnose myself by reading it on the internet. maybe I am.

I don't have health insurance and can not find any sort of a therapist for low income families.

I have these horrible intrusive thoughts that come into my head and I can't get rid of them. I keep them to myself because I don't have anyone to talk to.

I am always "daydreaming" about horrible things happening to me or family members. That I will go crazy and I will start slaughtering my family. that I will find a gun and shoot my grandparents.

I don't want to do things like that!!!!

I also have a fear that my dad is plotting to murder my little sister. Because he didn't want to have another baby. I am scared that he will kill her. Or he will kill her mom.

I'm also scared of my mom. she has bipolar disorder. I'm scared she's going to kill my grandparents for money because in their will, she is going to receive their house. I'm scared she'll kill them for the house.

but these thoughts don't make sense. Because my family loves each other. my grandparents would do anything for me.

My dad is engaged to marry my step mom. he loves my lil sister. he used to be a crack dealer and he did time in prison. he now goes to therapy and he has been sober/clean for 3 years. his drug tests have come back clean for 3 years of therapy. so he is doing good.

so why do I have these horrible thoughts about my family dying/killing each other?

I can't watch scary movies where people get killed because I constantly have the visions in my head, except it's my family.

I hate thinking these thoughts. am I going to become a serial killer?

I'm so scared I'll become one. please help. do any of you have these thoughts?
deleted_user
deleted_user
hey :)
dont worry - you are def not a serial killer. the problem with OCD is it clings onto the things that you care about the most, in other words, your family. and its making you doubt yourself- but you know, if you think logically, that you will never carry out any of the acts that you are thinking about. And thinking about them doesnt make you a bad person. Just try to trust your own judgement and remember that these thoughts are only there becuase OCD knows you would never do this stuff but its trying to convince you otherwise becuase thats what it does....try to laugh these thoughts off, and also i learnt through CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) that exposure is a good way of dealing with it. So watch the films that you avoid, open up your mind to the POSSIBILITY that you COULD end up being a serial killer....and although at first the anxiety will be really hard and unbearable, the more your brain becomes used to the idea, the more your OCD will start to shut up and get a bit bored.

I hope that makes sense. I am in no way insinuating that you are or will be a serial killer, im meerly saying that if you 'agree' with your OCD, the less it will fight back at you.

Let me know if any of that is unclear. Might be worth having a look into exposure techniques becuase Im def not a professional!!

Take care x
kokokitty
kokokitty
I just told my grandma about all my horrible thoughts. she told me to just stop thinking those things but I can't. but she didn't tell me I was crazy.. she told me that she'd try and help me find a therapist.

I feel better now
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think just about everyone with OCD has these thoughts. Have you tried reading any self-help books? If you have some guts and can face some scary stuff, they help.
deleted_user
deleted_user
the instructed thoughts sound like ocd , but i would check other disorder about paranoia like a paranoid schizophrenic, or i forget the name of it anyways its a personalty disorder in which you feel paranoid. it may just be ocd but it sounds like a little more to me.
hope it helped.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have the same things going on with me..You just have to remember that the thoughts are not reality...Thinking them isn't going to make them happen... I find for myself it helps to stay busy and not have to much down time....and when i do have the obsessive thoughts it helps to do something that i enjoy or makes me feel happy... And also remember your not crazy and there are many others out there with the same problems.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Seeing a therapist or counselor definitely helps! You should go online and find free clinics or search for your county's Behavioral Health Services. I know how these feelings are. When you're having one of these thoughts or visions, take a deep breath and bring yourself into the "here." Look at your surroundings and think..."ok, the lamp is there, my hand is in my lap, there's a show on MTV." Sometimes it tricks your brain and the thoughts just escape. You're DEFINITELY not a bad person for having these thoughts. Hang in there!
kokokitty
kokokitty
I found something called Pure Obsessive OCD which basically means I don't really have compulsions, just obsessions.

Reading about it makes sense because while I do have some compulsive tendencies, I mostly obsess and worry and get anxious and things like that.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't know about the paranoia part, that doesn't seem like a symptom of ocd so it could be something else UNLESS you have fears of being paranoid or skitzophrenic and that's what's causing it. I have had that a lot and it's like my brain was on hyper-overdrive scanning for any sign of skitzophrenia and latching on to any thought that seemed remotely paranoid and trying to push it away, which makes it worse. I didn't have paranoid thoughts that often though, even then.

The first part you said definitely sounds like ocd. I could've written part of that myself a few weeks ago. I'm doing a lot better on Inositol though, you should try it. It's just a B vitamin.

I'll just tell you what I wish someone would've told me to keep my ocd from getting severe. Don't avoid anything because of it, and don't feel like you have to do anything to make up for having a thought, or to make the thought or anxiety go away. It will only make it worse.