Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric disorder, more specifically, an anxiety disorder. OCD is manifested in a variety of forms, but is most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive (repetitive, distressing, intrusive) thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.
Hello, this last month of September has been very difficult. My OCD has been really bad. I'm frustrated and my anxiety has been very high. I've felt very stressed of late. On top of it, one of my family's cats Spice who's an outdoor/indoor cat got killed by coyotes, early morning September 18th. It was heartbreaking for me and my family and very unexpected. Me and my family have a memorial stone for her and are going to a private, goodbye, remembrance time this weekend. I miss Spice so much, she was in my family's life for 11 going on 12 years. She was a very comforting and loving pet.
I have been more obsessive-compulsive of late. I feel I'm out of control. My toilet Obsession,Compulsions (straining, arguing with the Ocd and noises I make) are getting worse,each time an hour or so. It's totally crazy! I know it is hurtful, painful and abusive to my physical and internal body. Even my doctors have told me how damaging this ritual is. I know, I must stop this. I truly hate this ritual.It is a very addictive, aggravating obsession/compulsion. The excessive toilet paper use also has been very bad of late. It again is hurtful to my physical body and is wasteful.
The excessive handwashing, soap use is getting more excessive of late. It dries my hands and wastes soap and water. With the excessive toothbrushing, I still am somewhat obsessive about it, feel I don't have a sense of time. When I take showers, I lose track of time. I have to wash myself with soap two or three times instead of just once. It not only dries my skin but also wastes water. When it comes to baths and shaving, I take long baths and shave twice instead of just once. Sometimes, I accidently cut myself. I know it dries my skin and makes my skin feel itchy and sore, I use oatmeal lotion and Sarna lotion which helps relieve the itch and takes care of the dry skin.
When using shampoo and conditioner, I obsess and have to use large amounts when washing my hair. After using the toilet, when I leave the bathroom, I have a compulsion to say to myself quietly that my bladder is empty, when I already know that is. It's a really annoying habit, and I want to quit doing it.
Lastly, I started having religious OCD thoughts, which my psychologist calls Scrupolosity. They talk about Heaven, God and Jesus, then Satan and Hell. My OCD says things like I'm going to hell because I have OCD or something about getting forced to be there by Satan. Then something about praying to God and still not getting to go to heaven, like it will never be enough praying
and I'll never be forgiven. Then there's thoughts about forced to have sex with Jesus, God or Satan, which I would never ever do. These thoughts completly frighten me and I have had a couple nightmares as well. The point is I know there not real.
Then there was one last thing that happened this last Tuesday, that I had scrupulous thoughts about. I go to an Art Therapy class at a community mental health center. I have this guy friend in my Art Therapy Class, his name is Greg. I've known him since late Autttumn or last Winter. We have been very good friends and there's also feelings of affection and more than friendship. We are both on the shy side and have not dated each other. This last tuesday, September 4th. I saw him in class and he was acting quite strange toward me. He hardly smiled or looked my way. After class, we usually leave class together. This time he walked past me and into the hallway quickly and dissappeared. I went to the lobby, there was no sign of him, I looked up and down the hallway, he wasn't there. I went downstairs to the lst floor to wait for my ride home. He never showed up. When, I left there was no sign of him anywhere. I thought he might of been the bathroom. I have no idea why he dissappeared so quickly. I thought he might of been feeling depressed. I thought he hates me, because the previous time, when we talked; I told him that I was worried about him. It took him by surprise. He said, you were worried about me? I said yes and that I guess, because I care about you. I thought he might not have many people who care about him. The religious thought that God was punishing me for making the mistake of saying that I was worried and care about him. I feel sad, my heart feels that it's breaking. I don't understand, it hurts to lose both his friendship and affection. He was a wonderful artist and gentleman. I know that it sounds like I'm a basketcase, I have alot problems, I'm sorry.
As far as medication, I've been on 75 mg of Zoloft, then 100 mg of Zoloft. I saw the psychiatrist yesterday and he's having me on 125mg then moving up to 150 mg. I'm on 0.5 mg of Lorazepam for anxiety. He says next time if I'm still having high anxiety that he was thinking of giving me an anti-anxiety med in the valium category. Also, he was thinking of having me go to a psych hospital day program, to get my symptoms under control.
If there's one positive thing that happaned, we adopted a new kitten for our other cat Whisper. Whisper was quite depressed by Spice's death. The new kitten, she's a brown torbie with golden yellow eyes named Sapphire. She's helped make Whisper feel better and more playful and happy. She has brought so much joy and laughter since we adopted her on October 2nd. I am hoping that upping my meds will help with the obsesssions, compulsions and high anxiety. I hope the rest of October will be better for me. Happy Auttumn!
Take Care,
Silkroad
I have been more obsessive-compulsive of late. I feel I'm out of control. My toilet Obsession,Compulsions (straining, arguing with the Ocd and noises I make) are getting worse,each time an hour or so. It's totally crazy! I know it is hurtful, painful and abusive to my physical and internal body. Even my doctors have told me how damaging this ritual is. I know, I must stop this. I truly hate this ritual.It is a very addictive, aggravating obsession/compulsion. The excessive toilet paper use also has been very bad of late. It again is hurtful to my physical body and is wasteful.
The excessive handwashing, soap use is getting more excessive of late. It dries my hands and wastes soap and water. With the excessive toothbrushing, I still am somewhat obsessive about it, feel I don't have a sense of time. When I take showers, I lose track of time. I have to wash myself with soap two or three times instead of just once. It not only dries my skin but also wastes water. When it comes to baths and shaving, I take long baths and shave twice instead of just once. Sometimes, I accidently cut myself. I know it dries my skin and makes my skin feel itchy and sore, I use oatmeal lotion and Sarna lotion which helps relieve the itch and takes care of the dry skin.
When using shampoo and conditioner, I obsess and have to use large amounts when washing my hair. After using the toilet, when I leave the bathroom, I have a compulsion to say to myself quietly that my bladder is empty, when I already know that is. It's a really annoying habit, and I want to quit doing it.
Lastly, I started having religious OCD thoughts, which my psychologist calls Scrupolosity. They talk about Heaven, God and Jesus, then Satan and Hell. My OCD says things like I'm going to hell because I have OCD or something about getting forced to be there by Satan. Then something about praying to God and still not getting to go to heaven, like it will never be enough praying
and I'll never be forgiven. Then there's thoughts about forced to have sex with Jesus, God or Satan, which I would never ever do. These thoughts completly frighten me and I have had a couple nightmares as well. The point is I know there not real.
Then there was one last thing that happened this last Tuesday, that I had scrupulous thoughts about. I go to an Art Therapy class at a community mental health center. I have this guy friend in my Art Therapy Class, his name is Greg. I've known him since late Autttumn or last Winter. We have been very good friends and there's also feelings of affection and more than friendship. We are both on the shy side and have not dated each other. This last tuesday, September 4th. I saw him in class and he was acting quite strange toward me. He hardly smiled or looked my way. After class, we usually leave class together. This time he walked past me and into the hallway quickly and dissappeared. I went to the lobby, there was no sign of him, I looked up and down the hallway, he wasn't there. I went downstairs to the lst floor to wait for my ride home. He never showed up. When, I left there was no sign of him anywhere. I thought he might of been the bathroom. I have no idea why he dissappeared so quickly. I thought he might of been feeling depressed. I thought he hates me, because the previous time, when we talked; I told him that I was worried about him. It took him by surprise. He said, you were worried about me? I said yes and that I guess, because I care about you. I thought he might not have many people who care about him. The religious thought that God was punishing me for making the mistake of saying that I was worried and care about him. I feel sad, my heart feels that it's breaking. I don't understand, it hurts to lose both his friendship and affection. He was a wonderful artist and gentleman. I know that it sounds like I'm a basketcase, I have alot problems, I'm sorry.
As far as medication, I've been on 75 mg of Zoloft, then 100 mg of Zoloft. I saw the psychiatrist yesterday and he's having me on 125mg then moving up to 150 mg. I'm on 0.5 mg of Lorazepam for anxiety. He says next time if I'm still having high anxiety that he was thinking of giving me an anti-anxiety med in the valium category. Also, he was thinking of having me go to a psych hospital day program, to get my symptoms under control.
If there's one positive thing that happaned, we adopted a new kitten for our other cat Whisper. Whisper was quite depressed by Spice's death. The new kitten, she's a brown torbie with golden yellow eyes named Sapphire. She's helped make Whisper feel better and more playful and happy. She has brought so much joy and laughter since we adopted her on October 2nd. I am hoping that upping my meds will help with the obsesssions, compulsions and high anxiety. I hope the rest of October will be better for me. Happy Auttumn!
Take Care,
Silkroad
On religious thoughts and intrusive thoughts: "The point is I know they are not real." AWESOME. You are exactly right. Good luck with Greg. He seems cool, but I highly doubt that God is punishing you for telling him that you care. Why would a loving God want you to hold back from someone you care about? Things will work out.
Hang in there and have fun with the new kitten!