Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric disorder, more specifically, an anxiety disorder. OCD is manifested in a variety of forms, but is most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive (repetitive, distressing, intrusive) thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.
Hello. I have had this issue as far back as I can remember. I begin a relationship with someone. As long as they act completely besotted with me, worship the ground I walk on, etc, I am ok (and sometimes I become put off by so much adulation...I am not worthy of it, so it is suspect if you feel it...and move on).
However, if a love interest relates to me in a more 'normal' fashion, I begin to obsess. I start to over-think everything that is said or done. I read things into words/actions that aren't really there. I become jealous of their interactions with other women, even if it is not justified...
All that would be well and good, but I invariably question them about it. The last man was exceptionally patient with me, but he has reached the end of his rope. He finally told me that what I was doing every few weeks was not conducive to a relationship or even a friendship and that we should have as little contact as possible.
I am broken-hearted. He is probably not a good match for me, as he tends to blow hot and cold and that really triggers my obsessing more than most. However, I am curious if others do this and why? I knew full well that this practice would drive him away and yet I could not stop myself.
However, if a love interest relates to me in a more 'normal' fashion, I begin to obsess. I start to over-think everything that is said or done. I read things into words/actions that aren't really there. I become jealous of their interactions with other women, even if it is not justified...
All that would be well and good, but I invariably question them about it. The last man was exceptionally patient with me, but he has reached the end of his rope. He finally told me that what I was doing every few weeks was not conducive to a relationship or even a friendship and that we should have as little contact as possible.
I am broken-hearted. He is probably not a good match for me, as he tends to blow hot and cold and that really triggers my obsessing more than most. However, I am curious if others do this and why? I knew full well that this practice would drive him away and yet I could not stop myself.
Any tips on how to control this?
My relationship OCD is different in that my mind attacks *myself* as the culprit. Just as you question your significant other's actions, my mind thinks *I'm* the terrible one. Thoughts such as "What if I'm not *really* in love?" or "I'm going to lose him and it's going to be my fault; I'm going to ruin this somehow" ring through my mind and it's absolutely terrifying because I know that these thoughts are NOT true, but I can do nothing to try to stop them.
It sounds like you do "mental checks" like I do -- you put him through a list of things you want to be true in order to verify that the relationship is solid. No matter how times he "passes the test," your mind either starts the test over again or moves onto a different test before coming back to the original one. For me, the mental checks are on myself but still focused on the relationship.
It just comes down to making every effort to combat this damn OCD. The book mentioned earlier sounds EXCELLENT, and if you're religious, prayer does wonders I cannot even describe.
It's a constant fight when your OCD flares up. Your chest will hurt, your stomach will churn, but you've gotta keep fighting. You're gonna feel like screaming at the top of your lungs (if you haven't already) because you just wanna escape because you're so entirely sick of living life through a filter ...
Stare your obessions in the face. Stare them down and see them for what they really are.
I am on terrific meds (Citalopram and Gabapentin for PTSD management) so am able to say thanks to my OCD head when it shows up. OCD is my try-hard self that is brilliant but sucks at all other interactions. I thank that part of me which kept me alive and brought me to this place of needing help. Then I dismiss it and get on to the other parts of my brain. And go to therapy to learn the social cues I missed all those years by having untreated OCD. Learning how to function in a group baffles me, for I am either ohhh, ohhh, ohhhh with too many ideas or shut down entirely.
I think the brain is a fantastic organ. The electrical and chemical transfers, millions worth, no doubt are bound to have a frayed wire here and there. So my meds work as "pacemaker" where needed. I can "feel" life in a way I never could before, thanks to outside help working alongside my diagnoses. Listening to my overall body, breathing through mindfulness, etc. has brought much pleasure and relief.
It's more than 6 months after that episode, and I'm trying to regulate myself. I recognize now that a lot of my worries about our relationship are OC thoughts, intrusive thoughts. I definitely recommend what HeyHey1234 said--if you're having a worry, wait a couple of days before bringing it up. I used to bring something up right away, and it got us into a lot more conflicts than now. That way, if I wait a couple of days, I know that something is worth bringing up, that it really is bothering me. And same with thoughts about myself, if I still am thinking something a few days after, I pursue that thought and see if I really am slacking in some part of our relationship specifically.
These are scary thoughts because they attack us where we are most vulnerable--in our most prized and precious relationships. I recently shared with my boyfriend the nature of some of my intrusive thoughts and how I can become very anxious at a moment's notice, especially regarding our relationship, and he has been pretty good about it. As much as I hope that he respects how I deal with things, I have to remember also (and this is my biggest challenge) that he doesn't see those threats as being real, and I have to respect that, as well. So that is why, I think, waiting a couple of days before acting on a worry or obsession is really important--to see if what they, or you, are doing is something to truly worry about.
Anyways, best of luck with everything. I think with OCD it's a constant learning process of how to handle things, especially with the people you love. I've starting reading up on mindfulness and practicing meditation lately (and started battling this with the help of the book "Stop Obsession" which changed my life), and it's been really good. I recommend trying to get a handle on things, and I truly hope you can find happiness with someone who respects you and helps you even with OCD!