Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric disorder, more specifically, an anxiety disorder. OCD is manifested in a variety of forms, but is most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive (repetitive, distressing, intrusive) thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.
Alright.. so there is this girl I've known for two years now and we've grown real close. We dated when we first met and it kind of blew up pretty bad... We ended up not being friends for a good year and now in the last year I believe we grew closer than ever
This girl constantly takes pictures with me, and always wants to do things, go to movies, haunted houses, out to eat, ect... She does have a few guy friends she likes hanging out with but I am pretty sure she enjoys hanging out with me the most. We use to be sexually active, we havent been recently... however, I haven't really been making any moves either. We kind of have a routine to go out friday and saturday and she will sleep over and cuddle with me.
This girl was struggling in school when I first met her, and things weren't looking good for her.. she was drinking alot and doing alot of things that wouldn't be considered normal. However, I've been trying to mentor her and help her with out with life. I helped her obtain a job, and she is loving it and now she constantly wants to do me favors, and buy me things. (The first year we knew each other it was me giving for her, and I believe she took everything for granted back then) Now she seems to be greatful.
Now there is a guy she did like from work, however this guy is busy with school, and it kind of went sour. She constantly tells me recently how excited she is that we are this close and she doesnt feel this comfortable with anyone else. That we can drive anywhere and keep a conversation without music. She also mentions that the guy she knows from work he always feels awkward and uncomfortable.
She also mentioned a few days ago that we should really get a place together, and she really seems determined.
Im guessing she just considers me a close friend.. because everyone we know constantly ask if we are going out, and she is always quick to say no, and it seems to frusterate her. and she'll make jokes like.. ha i bet everyone is lookin at us like aw what a cute couple...
MY ocd is making me think about these situations constantly... I just would like to hear what everyone else honestly things.
I also asked her why she feels so close to me now, she names a lot of reasons... and then i asked her what she would want in a boyfriend... and she kinda hesitated and said the same thing she mentioned to me.
Is it possible she just doesn't realize she wants to be with me and doesn't want to admit it?
Or are we truly just friends... Honestly either is fine with me... I just like to analyze everything and this is one thing I am having trouble breaking down. Thanks for your time guys!!!!
This girl constantly takes pictures with me, and always wants to do things, go to movies, haunted houses, out to eat, ect... She does have a few guy friends she likes hanging out with but I am pretty sure she enjoys hanging out with me the most. We use to be sexually active, we havent been recently... however, I haven't really been making any moves either. We kind of have a routine to go out friday and saturday and she will sleep over and cuddle with me.
This girl was struggling in school when I first met her, and things weren't looking good for her.. she was drinking alot and doing alot of things that wouldn't be considered normal. However, I've been trying to mentor her and help her with out with life. I helped her obtain a job, and she is loving it and now she constantly wants to do me favors, and buy me things. (The first year we knew each other it was me giving for her, and I believe she took everything for granted back then) Now she seems to be greatful.
Now there is a guy she did like from work, however this guy is busy with school, and it kind of went sour. She constantly tells me recently how excited she is that we are this close and she doesnt feel this comfortable with anyone else. That we can drive anywhere and keep a conversation without music. She also mentions that the guy she knows from work he always feels awkward and uncomfortable.
She also mentioned a few days ago that we should really get a place together, and she really seems determined.
Im guessing she just considers me a close friend.. because everyone we know constantly ask if we are going out, and she is always quick to say no, and it seems to frusterate her. and she'll make jokes like.. ha i bet everyone is lookin at us like aw what a cute couple...
MY ocd is making me think about these situations constantly... I just would like to hear what everyone else honestly things.
I also asked her why she feels so close to me now, she names a lot of reasons... and then i asked her what she would want in a boyfriend... and she kinda hesitated and said the same thing she mentioned to me.
Is it possible she just doesn't realize she wants to be with me and doesn't want to admit it?
Or are we truly just friends... Honestly either is fine with me... I just like to analyze everything and this is one thing I am having trouble breaking down. Thanks for your time guys!!!!
I honestly think maybe letting her go for good is the right thing to do now...
And dude.. as much as I appreciate your advice, dont ever put me down like that. I dont need you rubbing shit in my face. when I said mentor, i simply ment getting her on track.. even if I am a mess.. guiding someone is possible.. I helped her out... I am proud of that.. even if everything you said is right... who are you to take that away from me and call me out like that. No need to reply.. i dont need to hear anymore insults
I just wanted to sort of give you a female's point of view. First, to explain a little more about some things, I'd like to point out that I am close to your age, 20, and although I did not have to grow up with sexual or physical abuse, I did have to endure first neglect from my mother, then verbal abuse from my step-father.
Although that upbringing does cause many problems for me, it is NOT the stem of ALL problems, or all of my actions. With that being said, I think you need to know that there are things that are triggers. If someone says something that my step-dad used to always say, it triggers me. There are tiny, little things that can trigger memories and emotions from my upbringing...and I'd imagine it to be the same with a sexually abused person. Although you two had been sexually active before, and she was fine, maybe you did one SMALL thing that triggered her memories. Maybe you made one SMALL sound that triggered it. It's not your fault, it's not like you did it on purpose...But I DO seriously think that she needs to talk to a professional. You want to help her from that? Help her find a psychiatrist or a counselor. There are counselors that usually work through universities free of charge to students. If not there, look online for discounts and other programs that could possibly get her one for free or cheap. She needs that more than anything.
I can see how and why she would want to get away from her father, (didn't you say that she still lived with him?) That is understandable. She probably needs to do that too. However, why can't you help her find her OWN apartment or cheap place to live? I don't think that moving in together would do either of you any good at all. Have you ever had another girl that you brought around her? Have you dated anyone while you two were friends? If so, how did she act?
Now let me tell you something that you probably aren't expecting to hear coming from a female:
Females can be scheming seemingly heartless bi***es. You should remember that and always take it into account.
Here's my opinion...and yes, I will be pretty blunt:
She likes your attention. She likes your personality. She likes hanging out with you. She thinks that you are a great guy. but
1. She doesn't think that you look so good...her friends don't either.
2. She thinks that socially, you are a loser. Her friends do too.
3. She knows that she gets just as much attention and care from you no matter what she does. She has been spoiled by knowing that she gets your attention and care PLUS the attention and care from any OTHER guy she wants.
4. You're her go-to guy. She gets hurt, she runs to you. She's bored, she runs to you. She doesn't want to be alone at night, she runs to you. No one else wants to be with her, she runs to you. Not necessarily because she WANTS to be with you and only you, but because you and only you want to be with her.
Look, I don't know you or this girl...and I only know what you tell us...but from an outsider's point of view, reading your post, I gather that she does not like you in that way or think of you as a boyfriend or the person that she is going to spend the rest of her life with. You give her everything she wants, so of course she is not going to hurt your feelings purposely or just go away from you. Be her friend, that's fine....but i wouldn't recommend sleeping with her or doing anything romantic with her, because that will only leave you feeling one way, and her not feeling the same...causing you to hurt.
I recommend going out. Get some of your guy friends to go out, check out some girls. Find a new girl to look into. One that likes you too. One that likes just you, and knows that she likes you.
It's just funny how you say I give her everything She wants, and how socially she doesn't find me that acceptable.
To be honest... I've been reading up on a few things and found balance to be the key to everything. Pretty much meaning don't always be there. Don't always be that go to guy. And honestly we hang out 1-2 times a week, usually she wants it to be more, but i make up small excusing.
Anyways.. I thank you both for your answers... I think I pretty much knew some / most of this.. just needed a slap in the face/ reassurance because I always have self doubt.
Also.. please don't think I am head over heals in love with this girl. I just wanted to know where we stood as friends or what not, and I wanted a few answers... I really felt so unconfortable about the whole sex thing... I didn't know if I did something wrong or what not.. I guess you are right about the triggering something.
Here is some more information about the whole situation also. I am currently talking to a few people, a few from work, and a girl from my highschool (reconnecting with old friend) The biggest thing I am afraid of is... all this time as being a friend is about to end sooner or later. The thing I am afraid of... is me finding someone and that ending our friendship. Because how she wants to hang out, and do things with me... will end once I'm in a relationship. I just won't do it... and Im pretty sure my girl wouldn't want that either.
Sometimes I overthink it... but I get disgusted and honestly I want to slowly get rid of her as a friend and move on... and sometimes I just get these random sparks of hope... which obvisously is a 0 chance now confirming it with both of you to.
Which is fine... I am obbessed with the situation, i don't feel as if Im in love. well thanks guys once again.. ill be back in a bit im gonna go to open gym for awhile
However, after going back and reading my comment, I realized that I forgot to say something.
I do not know you or that girl. I do not know what you look like or how socially acceptable you are.... i am not trying to say bad things about you. I was only stating what I know from experience of being a female.... What I think could be going through her mind.
Sorry if i was rude.
First and foremost: This is a topic started by zilwan asking for advice... not inviting everyone to criticize and argue with ANYONE. People are going to state their opinions, and people will give advice in their own ways. If you don't agree with something that someone said, write them a private message...or start your own topic where you are inviting people to argue...because that is the last thing that zilwan was trying to do with this post.
I have more to say on this subject, but for the sake of zilwan here who started a discussion for help, I will post it somewhere else. Let's get back on HIS topic here...not on your own.