Hey everyone!

I am going to share my experience for those who may being going through something similar. It is also theraputic to be able to write everything down, so here we go!

I was first diagnosed with OCD at the age of 2 years old. It started with my parents noticing me obsessively pulling at the strings in the little socks they would put on my feet. I would scream bloddy murder to the point where I would choke on my own tears. They took me to a doctor and explained the situation. Many test were ran and the doctors alsomt concluded that I could be autistic since my OCD was so bad. I was later ofically diagnosed with severe OCD after many scans. As a result, I have been living with this disorder my whole life. I have gone through many different stages as well. To name a few... washing hand until the skin is raw and falling off, fear of head lice in elenemtary school that made me miss many days of class, fear of ruining the materialistic items in my life I enjoy such as ripping my favorite shirt, fear of unwanted sexual advances or thoughts, INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS and lots of them, counting, rituals in numbers of 3's, and the list goes on and on. It got so bad before I was put on medication that I missed three weeks of school and dropped 12 pounds in a week and a half because I physically could not eat anything. I could not wear anything but ratty pears of clothes that had no value to me, I could not be alone around any males due to OCD sexual thought (which eventually hindered my relationship with my father), and I could not do anything if I felt like it would result in me getting dirty or unclean. OCD was taking over my entire existence. 

It was not until I was 12 years old that my parents considered the possibility of medication. I had been to dosens of different therapists trying to get help but never considered medication. I saw my first psychiatrist at the age of 12 and was immediatly put on Prozac. I worked my way up over the years to 40 milagrams, which I stayed on for 7 years. My sophmore year of college I had a depleation in my prozac. My body had gotten so used to taking the medication that it eseentially depleated and I was left with nothing. 0 to 100. Just like that. I was going through an actual mental breakdown and almost had to drop out of school. My friends were not very understanding. They did what they thought would help but I was essentially left to my own devices. I ended up going home, going to my doctor, and getting switched to Paxil 40 miligrams. I have now been on this for almost two years. It has significanlty helped me like the prozac, but I still live with OCD's grasp around my neck everyday.

No one understands me. None of my friends could and ofent results in conflict between us. I have been hurt, lonely, confused, and made to feel ashamed. I guess I am reaching out here to try and see if anyone understands me, can talk with me, and make me feel more normal. Any comments or help would be appreciated!