Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric disorder, more specifically, an anxiety disorder. OCD is manifested in a variety of forms, but is most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive (repetitive, distressing, intrusive) thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.

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Is it "ME" or the disorder?

mybeach
mybeach
I am left questioning myselfagainDo I have an disorder or am I just looking for an excuse to being a worthless person? My therapist has mentioned OCD, eating disorder, anxiety, etc. All which I think are true. Recently, I have also been reading up on Highly Sensitive Person and have found so many similarities. I even bought the workbook and have been going through some of the exercises. So, I mention this to my parents. I am 37 and an adult with my own daughter but I still want my parents support, call me crazy Anyway, my dad kind of rolls his eyes and says that it really doesnt matter what the label is but that you change your behaviors and attitude. I agree and add that it is nice to know that there is a reason for the way that I am and that its not just that I am an inherently screwed up person. There are others that have problems like mine too. My dad doesnt respond as my mom chimes in with at least she knows it then has nothing to do with how she raised me. I wanted to scream. Do they not realize that for 35 years I just thought that I wasnt the easiest person to get along with, I was no fun, I had really weird quirks and I am constantly trying to hide my anxiety and put on a smile? Now I think I find some answers and they make it seem like I should just stop obsessing, eat, and be fine. They think that once I decide to do this then all will be fine. Its my choice to be the way that I am.

Are they right? I struggle with this every day as to why I just cant get over it already. I have been struggling so much recently with trying to eat and I have lost weight again and my clothes are really lose, body fat is back to single digits, etc. But they either dont notice or care as they havent said anything. Not that I am wanting their attention, that is not why I do it, but it would be nice to know that someone cares, worries and loves me. I know it sounds really pathetic. Really, I dont want to eat, I like feeling light. At least I feel something then. I am getting tired of the fight and part of me just wants to succumb to my OCD and not try to fight the anxiety and to stop forcing myself to eat. If no one cares, then why do I? What am I fighting for?

I guess I need input are my parents right, do I jus tneed to get over this already!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know how you feel. I remember when I finally opened up to my mom about OCD behaviors, she said "well everyone gets anxiety sometimes Christina". It's hard to explain to others how you feel, sometimes they think that it's not as big as a deal as I make it seem.
Just try to remember that it's not just you, you arent making it up for attention and you arent a horrible terrible person. Believe me, I feel like I am too. But when you've had these behaviors as long as you
and me have, you have to know that you arent making it up.
deleted_user
deleted_user
it cant be just you because then it would have to all of us? you cant just snap out of this as lovely as that would be. it sounds harsh but unless the other person you are talking to about all of this is dealing with these problems themselves then it is going to be very difficult for them to understand. they can empathise with you and give you support (if you're really lucky) but they are never going to fully know how it all works.
mybeach
mybeach
thank you both for the support and reminding me that it isn't "ME" and that I'm not some attention seeking narcissist. Believe me, I woudl love to fly under my own radar and not even be so aware of myself, let alone others.

thanks again!
deleted_user
deleted_user
It is my belief that eating disorders, anxiety, OCD, etc, are all the same thing. They are just different symptoms of the same cause.

And the cause is being born with a personality that is highly intelligent, sensitive, imaginative, analytical and negative.

Do all of these sound like you?

It isn't your fault you were born with these personality traits. But it is your responsibility to learn how to modify your thoughts and behaviors so you respond in a healthier way to the feelings you have.

There is no such things as just "getting over it". OCD is a disorder that took a lifetime of bad habits to build. And it is a disorder that can take just as long to correct. But if you work at it every single day, and make the CHOICE to change, you will notice steps forward all the time.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Forgot to add that I do think environment does play a role, but ultimately personality is what decides if you are going to have anxiety issues or not. Just my thoughts, anyway.
mybeach
mybeach
Yes, they sound exactly like me... thanks for your perspective and I agree. The hardest part is knowing what needs to be changed but just not being able to change it just by knowing it. I know what is my OCD (most of the time) but I still give in to the anxiety and do behaviros to eliminate it. I know my weight is too low and I just need to eat.. oh how I wish it was so easy to just do it then... UGH!

Thanks again for the comment and the support!!! I will keep working toward making the CHOICE to change!