hi, i have been suffering with the same thoughts for over ten years.Remember because we fear this thoughts , shows we care too much to act it out. These are mere thoughts ,not really who we are. It's like if i tell you think of a white bear ,and then suddenly i say don't think about it ,automatically we can't stop thinking of the white bear .I always think if i really wanted to harm someone ,i would have done a long time ago.

xbrando7, I bet just writing this freaks you out.... Anxiety has many different faces and will manifest in so many different ways. Fear is like a snow ball; the longer it rolls the bigger it gets. I have been absolutely where you are, probably worse! The shame and guilt was killing me, and I had very little hope. It wasnt until I really began seeking God and putting my trust in Jesus Christ that I began to see a difference. I began to read the Bible and believe what it says about me rather than what my thoughts say about me, and just for your info, the thoughts you have are not fantasy or want to thoughts. They are insecure checking thoughts. Your mind will keep checking for dangers until the anxiety is felt no more. This is the human body trying to equal things out chemically. Anyway, The Lord gave me a boldness to confront my fear. Remember, the more you run from something the bigger it gets. You need to start believing the truth about who you are despite the insecure thoughts you have. People who committ crimes of this sort do not sit around and fret about it; they fantasize about it. So, the fact that you are spilling your guts about this is because you will never do it. Just a fear, manifested by anxiety.
I have been through everything you have described, went through it for 5 yrs. 5 terrible yrs! But my Lord and savior JEsus Christ pulled me out of the pit and saved my soul. I dont know what you believe, but this is all I know. There were many days I wanted to end it, but It seemed like everyday something was encouraging me to go on, and fight. I have never had to take medication, even though there were times when I thought that was the only hope. I still have a bag of lexapro in my dresser drawer that I have never opened. It is a reminder of just how far I have come with the help of my Savior. Anyway, If you need to talk Please shoot me an email. sheldongates@hotmail.com. I would love to help in anyway possible. I am praying for you, and I know prayers are answered. God loves you and has a plan for your life. His plan is not fear and anxiety, but clarity and freedom in Christ.

You have a serious problem that Zoloft is incapable of resolving -- you need professional help from someone far more specifically trained than your GP. YOU CAN BE HELPED AND CAN FEEL PROGRESS QUICKLY. The tools -- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Exposure Response Prevention -- yield wonderful results in helping people MANAGE (not cure) their OCD. The tools enable you to deal with your intrusive thoughts -- to understand that they are the voice of your OCD and not your own thoughtful voice -- and recapture normalcy in your life. Start at www.ocdchicago.org where you will find articles, personal stories, expert (trained professional) opinions and it is all FREE and DOWNLOADABLE. You can learn what you need to learn before finding a therapist and what your loved ones need to learn, as well, since the right type of help is often counter-intuitive. By the way, I am not annit-medication but I believe that it is a supplement to professional training and not primary. Many treatment providers achieve success with no medications but I do not know of much success with drugs-only recovery -- anxiety suppression for a while, yes, but long term, no. Start reading and get professional help

Xbrando, Just try to calm down and know that the OCD thoughts are NOT what you want, they frighten you because hurting your family is the last thing you want. I am 51 and have suffered with OCD since childhood, it is an awful afflication. I use to hate to go grocery shopping becasue when I saw children, I would get thoughts that I was strangling them. I agree you need to get therapy & medicine if your doctors reccommend it. I also strongly agree with sgates. Today is the day of your salvation. You must be born-again to enter Heaven. If you have a bible read Romans 10, and please don't hesitate to write me, mike :) :)

Agman, great advice! CBT and EFT can greatly help this thinking disorder. I agree; medication is absolutely a last resort.
God Bless to all

Awesome MIke!
He's right you have got to calm down and see it for what it is. Its nothing more than fear and a smoke screen.

Thank you all for your support today guys. I know some of you were wondering, I am a Christian, and I do spend a great deal of prayer on this, though I've had trouble reading the Bible lately. I know the Zoloft alone isn't going to do much good. I just had to get something before my psych appointment, as I was really going crazy. The Zoloft kinda makes me feel up and down, like sometimes I can control it and come back to reality, but other times I have to wander through the anxiety and obsessive wilderness anyway. I am going to see a counselor though, probably this Friday or earlier, and I also have a psychiatrist's appointment. Thanks for the support.