Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric disorder, more specifically, an anxiety disorder. OCD is manifested in a variety of forms, but is most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive (repetitive, distressing, intrusive) thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.
I am having a hard time with my obsessions right now. I can barely concentrate on anything worthwhile, and I have an extra component of beating myself up because I cannot perform at work. I\'m getting dumped on by our support center (I\'m a computer technician) and I cannot seem to get out of my head. I am printing out a to do list and sticking to that. I\'m a loser, I\'m never going to make it in this world, I just want to die, it seems so much better right now then playing a game of survival every day.
What that means is everyday you have to work on it like a job. You have to do affirmation mental exercises, read books on how to deal with anxiety, and follow your therapy ideas. For someone who had to rid herself of a phobia all by herself at 13, I realized how much work I had to put into it to get the results.
You have no other option. Therapy and meds only make things a little easier and gives you the tools you need to overcome. I have just bought a book on OCD and already started some of the exercises. I started to cry and could feel myself resisting it because my brain was pissed that I am no longer letting this bull$&@# control me anymore.
Hope that makes sense, and helps.
Just wanted to let you know you're not alone.
I too "beat myself up" in all situations where I can't "perform" as well as I'd like to have done, &, like you seem to, I too can't get my mistakes out of my mind. To Do Lists are good - I have one (Mentally, that is). It is hard to fit into "mainstream" society with OCD...I tried to for years until I finally got diagnosed with it. You aren't a loser! And you are going to make it in this world (heck, look at it this way - you're still here! You're making it!). Death is not the answer, although I can understand where you're coming from.
I got into trouble for being late this morning for an appointment (I slept in!), & it's hours later & I was told not to dwell on it & just do better next time, but It's still in my head.
Can I encourage you if possible to not self harm as a way of dealing with your feelings of inadequacy? Please, save yourself from that. It is not worth it (said from a self harmer who is almost up to 1 year of still trying to fix the scabs obtained from such harm). I hope I can encourage you to stay strong!
Maybe try & talk to your employers seriously at work about your OCD? If necessary provide them with medical certificates or letters from any specialists you may see? Maybe you might even be able to take a fortnights holiday or something, for a break? :)
Take care!