Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric disorder, more specifically, an anxiety disorder. OCD is manifested in a variety of forms, but is most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive (repetitive, distressing, intrusive) thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.

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Zombiekittie1103 07/25/2018

Hi guys. I have OCD and panic attacks and have been struggling lately. I was on medication since I was 19(am 27 now) and was doing so well I came off. My job started stressing me out and on top of that my father (who was an alcoholic) relapsed and that brought back a lot of bad memories and feelings for me. I was coping then about 2 weeks ago my obsessing and anxiety came back pretty badly and I've been struggling with horrible depersonalization which makes me feel foggy and detached from life which scares me and leads me to panic more. I feel so hopeless and scared I'll never feel normal again. I know it's a bit irrational but it feels that way and I really believe it. Some days I feel totally fine but I'll get waves of panic and some other days it'll be horrible. This job is a bad situation and I feel trapped and it snowballed into me hating where I am and dreading every day. I also feel stupid because I always find something wrong with jobs I have and jump the gun and leave. I think part of it is I don't like what I'm doing anymore but have to wait till I finish school to really change careers. I'm afraid I'll always find something wrong with everything though(who doesn’t) and I’m sure a lot of it is just not liking what I’m doing..But with this job actually have good reason to want to leave and I know I'm not crazy because everyone feels the same that I work with. Sorry for the rant. I guess I’m just trying to say I’ve been obsessing so much it triggered my general obsessions about never being able to feel better and being afraid I’m going crazy and I won’t be able to control my thoughts and I’ll fall into being crazy and obsessive and always have intrusive negative thoughts with no control. I’m scared I’ll feel that and also have that derealization feeling and feel fake and like nothing in life is real. Whenever I feel okay these thoughts come and I have to fight them off. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. I’m essentially afraid of my mind. Does anyone else feel like they’re going insane and their mind is scary lol. I’m sorry for this long message. I’m really struggling.

silverlight 07/26/2018

i'm so sorry you are struggling and suffering so badly...

i can relate.

With all of my symptoms i have often felt i was losing control and going crazy,but i assure you,you are not-and my therapist actually told me it is a common fear of those of us who live with OCD..

My OCD rages right now,and it seems like the more i try to fight off the thoughts and compulsions the worse it gets-it seems very unfair.

i too am afraid of my own mind...

i have to remind myself that it *can* get better-
Working with my pyschiatrist/therapist who is an OCD expert has helped so much-i almost always leave his office feeling a lot better after we have worked through my obsessions-

Are you currently working with a therapist?

The one obsession and compulsion i have now though seems like i will never be free of,so i can understand your fears.

i also have experienced derealization,and i know how scary it is-that though,has gone quiet for quite some time now-

i also have much fewer panic attacks....i'm not sure why-but they seem to have dissipated for some reason....

i'm so sorry,i guess i haven't offered you much hope here-i am in quite a bad place right now myself,but in the least of things,please know that you are not alone.

((((((( Hugs ))))))

Zombiekittie1103 07/29/2018

I really appreciate your response. It means so much. I’m waiting for my intake appointment to start seeing a doc again. I had been doing so well and was off meds for a good 4 months but stressors came and I think things I hadn’t dealt with from my past came up as well. I realize now that the medication was probably keeping me reacting to stressors so badly at bay. I’m now just pretty much in a constant state of discomfort with waves of panic and depression. Well, the depression and hopeless feeling kind of is lingering but gets worse sometimes. I notice when I’m as distracted as I could keep myself I’m okay. Sometimes I’m actually GOOD. On top of my brain getting back into this “not good” state of mind..I also need to work through generally coping with my stressors and my insecure/confused feelings about life. I know there are deep rooted things I have to tackle that will for sure alleviate and hopefully almost eliminate my anxiety/depression. I don’t suffer from severe compulsions...though I do have magic thinking rituals I’ll catch myself doing such as not wanting to blink when I look at something bad in fear it’ll happen to me or having to walk a certain amount of steps in a certain pattern. None of these have been so disruptive that I’ve addressed them. It’s more of me feeling so trapped in my own mind and having a loop of fear that this is the end for me and I’m never going to be able to live a Normal happy life and it’s going to just “stick” this time. I’m trying endlessly to keep positive but it’s EXHAUSTING. It feels good to know someone relates and is with me in all this. I’m so happy that your therapy is helping and I can’t wait to find the right person for me to work through everything with ❤️

silverlight 07/31/2018

i'm so glad you are going to get to see a doctor,although i'm sorry for the wait....

And yes,trying to keep positive really is exhausting isn't?

But i believe in you.

You have a lot of great insight into yourself and what you are struggling with-that is such a great start.

Have you tried journalling? Either in a notebook or on DS?

i have both a pen and paper journal and one on here,and it helps a lot to sort my thoughts-

i wish you all the very best.

Hugs.

Emory 07/31/2018

You are not alone. I'm trying to stop all compulsions and it's extremely difficult. I am trying not to seek reassurance so everything I'm obsessing about just stays in my head. I feel so alone. You are not alone. Like you I've had some success but am struggling a lot lately.

Zombiekittie1103 08/01/2018

So sorry to hear that Emory. It is easier some days than others. Tonight happens to be pretty bad for me. I tried meditating and ended up falling asleep with sleep paralysis. Just triggered obsessions about never being able to meditate properly and feeling crazy with the weird paralysis hallucinations

sweatproblems 08/20/2018

My OCD gets a lot worse right before school starts, so I have some idea of what you're going through. I would recommend finding a hobby that you do purely for your own joy. Not to get paid or to further your career or help others, but just because you love doing it. It doesn't have to be something crazy, maybe just drawing or exercising or sculpting, but somewhere you can escape to when you're particularly anxious.

I also struggle with derealization and its so terrifying. For me, when my OCD gets worse my depression also gets worse, and vice versa. I tend to color in adult coloring books that are intricate or draw when I am really anxious or depressed.

Also, one thing that my therapist taught me that was super helpful was creating an imaginary house that I could go to when I was having a panic attack. I drew it first then made it extremely detailed, right down to the number and type of steps leading up to the front door, then the color and look of the door and which side the doorknob was on. It doesn't have to be physically possible, but it just helps me to calm down.

Sorry if this doesn't help, most of it is based on my own experiences.

Please let me know if you're struggling or if you just want to talk. :)

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