Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric disorder, more specifically, an anxiety disorder. OCD is manifested in a variety of forms, but is most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive (repetitive, distressing, intrusive) thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.
I am so sorry to be coming on here again for advice about what's going on with me but i'm scared and needing some advice. For the last three weeks I have not been feeling like myself and it's freaking me out. I am back on medications and i'm in the process of seeking counseling or therapy. My therapist is diagnosing me with bpd/ocd/ and ptsd. I need to know if this is me or if it's harm ocd or bpd.
A little background, 15 years ago I was watching a movie the shawshank redemption and I started getting homicidal thoughts. I've been dealing with the fear for as long as I can remember. Every since my trauma four years ago I noticed it's been worse, like I have been having thoughts like what if i'm a bad person or what if i'm a criminal and it's been even worse the last 3 weeks, i'm scared. I'm starting to think it's me as a person. I think about it non stop and it wont leave me alone. I cry about it and it's been plaguing me this long. am i this awful person or what's going on with me. I just want a normal life.
A little background, 15 years ago I was watching a movie the shawshank redemption and I started getting homicidal thoughts. I've been dealing with the fear for as long as I can remember. Every since my trauma four years ago I noticed it's been worse, like I have been having thoughts like what if i'm a bad person or what if i'm a criminal and it's been even worse the last 3 weeks, i'm scared. I'm starting to think it's me as a person. I think about it non stop and it wont leave me alone. I cry about it and it's been plaguing me this long. am i this awful person or what's going on with me. I just want a normal life.
please don't apologize for reaching out,it really does sound like you are having an awful and scary time...
reading what you are describing,and how you are feeling about it reminds me of myself about a year ago.
i would have such horrific and disturbing images in my head that i thought i must be evil....but the the thing is,i never in any way wanted to act on these things....that is what ocd does,it can just produce thoughts that go completely against your character,and convince you you are a bad person.
i have had to try many meds to find one that works ( although of late i am starting to have some harm ocd thoughts again so it may be time for an adjustment or change,or simply the need to see my therapist more often ) and work with my therapist who is very experienced in dealing with ocd to help me with this,to understand that these are just thoughts... i know that sounds so simple,and maybe is not so comforting right now,but it is true....it sounds like what you are describing is indeed ocd,although of course i cannot diagnose you.
i do hope you find the right therapist who can work on these things with you,and that you can find the right medication which will help as well.
it just pains me to hear how much this is affecting you,just know i can relate,you are not alone,and it can get better.