Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric disorder, more specifically, an anxiety disorder. OCD is manifested in a variety of forms, but is most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive (repetitive, distressing, intrusive) thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.
ok, brief intro. I have suffered from OCD in high school, didn't know what it was, went to a mental hospital and got "cured" off my rituals. I don't get bothered that much with ritualistic thoughts but lately they have returned big time and work has triggered it.
Well, actually my brother just died and it seems I haven't been the same since. Then I get back to work and I just want to get caught up. Then suddenly my boss calls a bunch of us into his office and throws a hissy fit about stuff he shouldn't have. There are other things he wigs out about and there are little mistakes I have made, of course, but since then I am so afraid of making mistakes, getting fired, and then not being able to get another job, pay my bills, lose my house, and die. I call that a grand cascading fear thing I do. Work seems to be the only thing that triggers it. I don't seem to have problems anywhere else in my life. Since then lately I have lost some sleep and am not myself.
I went back to an OCD support group and got the book by Jonathan Greyson "Freedom From Obsessive Compulsive Disorder" looking for any relief to my problems. The first thing it tells me is to change I need to accept uncertainty and I can't control everything. That hit a nerve. That's exactly what I've wanted to do to keep my job. Because so much in my job is haphazard and done kinda like throwing mud against a wall hoping it will stick, it drives me nuts. Actually it's more like the fake Star Trek game of Fizbin http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Fizzbin
When I read that you have to accept things you can't control, I have to admit there was a part of me that didn't want to believe that. I also made use of some of his chart where you track your obsessions and some techniques to counter the OCD message.
I dunno if anybody else can relate to that type of obsession based on work?
Well, actually my brother just died and it seems I haven't been the same since. Then I get back to work and I just want to get caught up. Then suddenly my boss calls a bunch of us into his office and throws a hissy fit about stuff he shouldn't have. There are other things he wigs out about and there are little mistakes I have made, of course, but since then I am so afraid of making mistakes, getting fired, and then not being able to get another job, pay my bills, lose my house, and die. I call that a grand cascading fear thing I do. Work seems to be the only thing that triggers it. I don't seem to have problems anywhere else in my life. Since then lately I have lost some sleep and am not myself.
I went back to an OCD support group and got the book by Jonathan Greyson "Freedom From Obsessive Compulsive Disorder" looking for any relief to my problems. The first thing it tells me is to change I need to accept uncertainty and I can't control everything. That hit a nerve. That's exactly what I've wanted to do to keep my job. Because so much in my job is haphazard and done kinda like throwing mud against a wall hoping it will stick, it drives me nuts. Actually it's more like the fake Star Trek game of Fizbin http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Fizzbin
When I read that you have to accept things you can't control, I have to admit there was a part of me that didn't want to believe that. I also made use of some of his chart where you track your obsessions and some techniques to counter the OCD message.
I dunno if anybody else can relate to that type of obsession based on work?
It sounds like you are in a really sensitive place right now. I am so sorry to hear that your brother died. I hope you are giving yourself the space you need to grieve about it and be easy on yourself. I can imagine how other things could be overwhelming considering what happened. Your boss needs to be sensitive to what has happened. Perhaps your boss has his own stress and is taking it out on others. Try not to take it too personally. After all, it sounds like you were not the only one he has a problem with.
I got that book too and am reading through it. I think that accepting uncertainty is the key to overcoming OCD. This is at the heart of the problem, I think. It is such a challenge for us, but I also found the thought to be really liberating at the same time. I felt sort of relieved by it.