I hate how my ocd leaves me so impressionable regarding things other people say to me. For example, yesterday, the nurse practitioner who prescribes my medication told me that the medication I am on is not the best for OCD (Lexapro), but that Luvox is the Gold Standard either that or Prozac. I have been on Lexapro for over 10 years and I am worried to try anything else because the one time I tried, I had horrible depression and anxiety. Now, because she told me Lexapro is not the best, I am worried that the Lexapro will no longer work for me and I will be forced to go on one of the meds she suggested--simply because she said this. This usually happens more when it is a person of authority.
It also really bothers me that she said that she has patients in her practice where no medication helps them, that they are perpetually depressed. Because she said this, now I worry that I will also not be helped by anything one day and that I would become depressed forever.
I have been trying to do some cbt and mindfullness on myself by telling myself that nothing is 100% certain. That maybe the Lexapro will no longer work and that I will have to take another med. Or that maybe no meds will eventually work, but that the chances of that are slim and that because I have been helped in the past, I will continue to be helped.
Anyway, I hate the fact that I feel like I have no boundary around me or that I feel like a sponge who instantly absorbs something that someone else says. Even worse, I feel like this nurse wants me to be miserable. I know this thinking is sort of paranoid. But who knows...maybe I picked up on something, like jealousy?