Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric disorder, more specifically, an anxiety disorder. OCD is manifested in a variety of forms, but is most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive (repetitive, distressing, intrusive) thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.
I've read and written posts about ocd when drinking regarding worrying that I cheated on my boyfriend...this ocd has now started when I have not had anything to drink.
I'll think back to when i've been at work (I work front desk at a hotel) and worry that i've tried to kiss one of my male coworkers. I don't remember doing this, but I feel like the more I imagine it to see if I could have done it or not, the more real it feels. I feel like I need to analyze every feeling, if i've ever thought any of them were attractive in any way, etc. to figure out if I would have done something unfaithful. I've tried to talk to my boyfriend about it, but he doesn't understand how I can question myself and what I remember (or don't remember, in this case) when i'm completely sober.
I don't know what to do, the guilt is really getting hard to live with. I am honestly to the point where I actually feel like I could have done something. I try to talk myself out of it - nothing's been mentioned about it to me from anyone, there are usually people wandering around so I wouldn't have done anything, besides the fact that I feel like would have confessed to him or someone right away. I haven't been confronted, and if I did do anything, I wouldn't have tried to hide it, I would have felt too guilty. I don't know how to stop doubting myself, but I feel like this is going to ruin my relationship.
Does anyone else have this problem? Any advice on how to deal with it? Should I talk to him about it and risk him being mad, or just take a chance that I could have cheated on him and somehow not remember?
I'll think back to when i've been at work (I work front desk at a hotel) and worry that i've tried to kiss one of my male coworkers. I don't remember doing this, but I feel like the more I imagine it to see if I could have done it or not, the more real it feels. I feel like I need to analyze every feeling, if i've ever thought any of them were attractive in any way, etc. to figure out if I would have done something unfaithful. I've tried to talk to my boyfriend about it, but he doesn't understand how I can question myself and what I remember (or don't remember, in this case) when i'm completely sober.
I don't know what to do, the guilt is really getting hard to live with. I am honestly to the point where I actually feel like I could have done something. I try to talk myself out of it - nothing's been mentioned about it to me from anyone, there are usually people wandering around so I wouldn't have done anything, besides the fact that I feel like would have confessed to him or someone right away. I haven't been confronted, and if I did do anything, I wouldn't have tried to hide it, I would have felt too guilty. I don't know how to stop doubting myself, but I feel like this is going to ruin my relationship.
Does anyone else have this problem? Any advice on how to deal with it? Should I talk to him about it and risk him being mad, or just take a chance that I could have cheated on him and somehow not remember?
Just try to draw a line under it, let it go and moving forward, to help you, maybe write stuff down. I know it sounds silly but when you go out, take a notebook with you and every half an hour pop into the loo and write down something like 10pm - still havent cheated! 10.30pm - still havent cheated! Its simple but it might help you..
Good luck and try to start trusting your own judgement a little bit more. You would KNOW if you cheated on your BF if you care about him!!!