Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric disorder, more specifically, an anxiety disorder. OCD is manifested in a variety of forms, but is most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive (repetitive, distressing, intrusive) thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.
Maybe this is just me, but almost every time that I feel a compulsion, I feel like I'm a character in a movie and everyone watching in the audience is waiting with bated breath for me to do the "right" thing exactly the "right" number of times. For example, when I walk through a certain room I have to touch certain objects in a certain order. Let's say I breeze by one of those objects, stretch out my hand, and just barely miss it with my fingertips. This is the spot in the movie where everything goes into slow motion, the camera zooms in on my hand, and the music goes DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN as I don't touch what I'm supposed to touch. I just feel like every compulsion that I ignore or fail to do properly is ultimately the cause of some apocalyptic event, and that the audience watching the movie of my life shake their heads and grit their teeth every time I mess up. Am I alone here?
Sounds a lot like PTSD. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Have you had anything happen that was traumatic for you? It doesn't have to be like a war or anything, it's just something you feel that is traumatic, that has possibly happened to you a number of times. Your reaction might have been butterflies rapidly rolling around in your stomach,or nausea, and possibly, a feeling like the world has been turned on its side, and usually a feeling of ultimate panic and or feeling totally out of control. That's what I had because I was very young and suffered abuse and a lot of things happened that I had no control over, and could do nothing about. When got older, the trauma would play itself out in a myriad of ways, and one of them was kind of like like you described, except it was like, just around certain people. I felt transparent, like my insides were showing or something, and I would feel so self conscious, like I was being so carefully watched by the people I was around.
The medication they give you should help you, along with someone to talk to.
I could also be way off here about the PTSD, too, but I responded to you because I have had similar occurences, and my doc told me I had PTSD. It's important to check this out, because this thing can really cause problems in your life if you don't take care of it. Good luck and I hope you find what you're looking for.