I understand that my OCD (and my Generalized Anxiety Disorder) is the cause for a lot of my disturbing thoughts, but sometimes these thoughts are so strong that I can't shake them. I stay so scared a lot. I am taking meds and they are helping a lot. But, I still have to take the Ativan for panic attacks when I have them. I thought the Paxil was supposed to keep me from having to take the Ativan? I had a dream that my 2 year old son Connor woke up in the middle of the night, unlocked the dead bolt and fell down the stairs, breaking his neck. Just a little while ago, I got this absolutely dreadful feeling that I needed to check on the kids while they were playing in their room. I was so convinced that I was gonna find them dead. I am afraid to stand on the balcony holding my toddler because I am afraid that I might stumble and drop him over the side. Or I am afraid that while driving over a bridge I will get this overwhelming urge to jerk the wheel and veer over the side. I know I won't...but I fear that one day I might not be able to control this urge. These thoughts are spinning in my head and it is making me crazy. I am on the verge of tears because I am afraid I will wake up one day and both my children will be dead or that my husband will have a fatal car crash on the way to work. I need help to put a stop to these thoughts before I have a mental breakdown!!
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