Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric disorder, more specifically, an anxiety disorder. OCD is manifested in a variety of forms, but is most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive (repetitive, distressing, intrusive) thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.
Well a few months ago i was watching TV. I was watching the ID channel or whatever it's called. It's a murder investigation TV channel, and i have no idea why i was watching it. I know this stuff bothers me, so i dont understand why id want to watch something like that. But to get to the point, this show called Dangerous Women came on.....and it was about a women that had paranoia schizophrenia, and she had delusions about her daughters making her ugly...and she tortured them and stuff.... because she thought they were the devil also.......Last night i was having intrusive thoughts about the show, and i was having intrusive thoughts about having delusions that my little boy was a devil!! I KNOW HE IS NOT! The thought scares the crap out of me that i would even think about that!
I was crying in the shower, reassuring myself that i am not delusional, and my son is no way a devil and is sweet little boy...and that hes just a toddler....
I'm afraid to be around him, because im afraid im going to hurt him or something. I not only think the thought, but i hear it in my mind too.... Its so distressing. I feel so numb towards him. Its sad. :(.....
Please help, am I CRAZY?!? Or is this just OCD again.
I was crying in the shower, reassuring myself that i am not delusional, and my son is no way a devil and is sweet little boy...and that hes just a toddler....
I'm afraid to be around him, because im afraid im going to hurt him or something. I not only think the thought, but i hear it in my mind too.... Its so distressing. I feel so numb towards him. Its sad. :(.....
Please help, am I CRAZY?!? Or is this just OCD again.
I pray, in the name of Jesus, that GOd will pour His love out on you and show you His security. I pray that sobriety will come to your mind and you will see things how they really are. Hang in there. We are not alone in this world. You will overcome this.
God Bless,
You have posted on this topic before. I know these thoughts can be terrifying as I have had similar ones about my little girl. What saved me was Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) with a therapist knowledgeable in the area of OCD. Are you in treatment? If not, it sounds like it is time. CBT can put an end to your suffering.
Im so sick of living like this!
Some things to tell yourself during a moment:
1. Your thoughts are just thoughts. Do not react to them as if they were actions you have indulged.
2. The fact that you are bothered by the thoughts is an indication that you truly do not have the desire to act on them.
Some of the techniques I use:
1. Repeat the exact intrusive thought, i.e., "I will XYZ" several times in your mind. You will experience discomfort, a heightened sense of panic and distress and then relief...because the thought will have lost its value. This is one of the more intense techniques, but (for me) the most useful.
2. You absolutely have to stop watching the news, reading the news, and going on the internet and watching these types of shows. A part of you seeks out this type of information to test yourself. Intrusive thoughts feed on suggestions.
Please, please feel free to message me privately. I have spent 15 year in therapy for these issues. I am certainly not a qualified professional, but I am someone who has walked in your shoes and then some. You are not alone. You are not a murderer. You have a serious disease. OCD is also known as the doubting disease meant to question everything. You WILL be ok. You WILL find stability. The key here is that OCD waxes and wanes. Most likely, it is not something you will grow out of, but with proper medication and the use of a variety of techniques you can manage it.