Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric disorder, more specifically, an anxiety disorder. OCD is manifested in a variety of forms, but is most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive (repetitive, distressing, intrusive) thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.
Hello. I am new here. I was diagnosed with OCD about 9 years ago and have been on Lexapro for most of that time since.
My time of OCD seems to be mostly "pure O" or just the intrusive thoughts. The compulsions I perform are mostly in my mind. My OCD centers around religious blasphemy, the body, and feeling a sense of being "invaded" by someone or something I hear. I feel like this last one I mentioned is rather rare because I don't hear people talk about it too much. It's like a sense of contamination, but not in the classic sense--more so in a way of being contaminated by someone's energy or some sort of thought that gets triggered by something scary I hear.
Before I was diagnosed, there were certain compulsive behaviors I performed--particularly after one bad break up. I went to see psychics, called a psychic quite often, and read tarot cards in order to figure out went wrong in the relationship. I laid in bed obsessing and straining my brain, playing and replaying various scenarios of what could have really happened, how my ex was currently feeling, etc.
After having an abortion and going through a couple abusive relationships and bad breakups, I was diagnosed with OCD. It started out more where my body ached all the time and I felt anxious. I would get small panic attacks and even wake up from them. Depression started soon after this.
Since then, I have done well for the most part. I have had a few dips where I felt depressed and more anxious than usual. I hung in there and got through those times. Is this normal to have more rough patches? My therapist says it is.
Sometimes I think about coming off medication. But not sure how. Whenever I go through more stressful times, my anxiety seems to get worse even if I am on my medication.
I want to get pregnant, but worry about the whole medication thing.
My time of OCD seems to be mostly "pure O" or just the intrusive thoughts. The compulsions I perform are mostly in my mind. My OCD centers around religious blasphemy, the body, and feeling a sense of being "invaded" by someone or something I hear. I feel like this last one I mentioned is rather rare because I don't hear people talk about it too much. It's like a sense of contamination, but not in the classic sense--more so in a way of being contaminated by someone's energy or some sort of thought that gets triggered by something scary I hear.
Before I was diagnosed, there were certain compulsive behaviors I performed--particularly after one bad break up. I went to see psychics, called a psychic quite often, and read tarot cards in order to figure out went wrong in the relationship. I laid in bed obsessing and straining my brain, playing and replaying various scenarios of what could have really happened, how my ex was currently feeling, etc.
After having an abortion and going through a couple abusive relationships and bad breakups, I was diagnosed with OCD. It started out more where my body ached all the time and I felt anxious. I would get small panic attacks and even wake up from them. Depression started soon after this.
Since then, I have done well for the most part. I have had a few dips where I felt depressed and more anxious than usual. I hung in there and got through those times. Is this normal to have more rough patches? My therapist says it is.
Sometimes I think about coming off medication. But not sure how. Whenever I go through more stressful times, my anxiety seems to get worse even if I am on my medication.
I want to get pregnant, but worry about the whole medication thing.
Here is some info about a misnomer about OCD called "Pure O". Remember, the word "pure" means 100% so if you were Pure O you would have ZERO compulsions and only obsessions. Therefore you would NOT have OCD which has compulsions. However, after you claim to have pure O you go onto to write that "the compulsions I perform are mostly in my mind". These are known as mental compulsions. They are no different than physical ones and just as easy to treat.
Anyway, here is a quick synopsis written by our friendly shrinks "across the pond" in the UK about this so-called "pure O". Hope it helps you understand your OCD better.
"Commonly referred to as Pure O by the OCD community, Pure O is a form of OCD where people mistakenly believe that it differs from traditional OCD, in that it features no outward compulsive manifestations; instead, the anxiety-inducing obsessions take place only in the mind.
However, a person with Pure O will still have compulsions which mainly manifest as unseen mental rituals, and they will usually also engage in compulsive behaviours like seeking reassurance from loved ones, and avoidance of particular objects, places or people. They are compulsions, nonetheless, which is why the term Pure O is somewhat imprecise.
Pure O is like any other form of OCD, it will involve both obsessions and compulsions which are the problems that need addressing through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)."
U wrote this: "My OCD centers around religious blasphemy,"
This is commonly known as "Scrupulosity" and it is a well known form/type/symptom of OCD. Oh, some OCDers refer to it as "religious OCD". Like any form of OCD it can be treated by meds and ERP (exposure and response prevention).
I believe ERP is the most effective treatment for OCD although meds can help as well depending on how lucky or unlucky we are to get one or more med to help us. I also believe/know that our ability to improve can depend greatly on how good our behavior therapist is. So if you get a good one who has treated 100's of OCDers in their professional career, you should fare well. if you get a therapist who claims they can help you but just ends up talking to you (talk therapy is worthless for OCD) and just gives you "tips" on how to deal with OCD, I would walk out and never go back.
There are books and many articles written on Scrupulosity alone. It was my worst symptom, I read a lot about it, went thru ERP for it, had one med help me (clonazepam) and they helped a lot.
U wrote:
the body,
Does this mean U have issues with your appearance? Not sure what you mean by just writing "the body'? But if one has issues with their appearance they have BDD or 'Body dysmorphic disorder". Several books and many articles written on this type of OCD as well.
U wrote: "and feeling a sense of being "invaded" by someone or something I hear. I feel like this last one I mentioned is rather rare because I don't hear people talk about it too much. It's like a sense of contamination, but not in the classic sense--more so in a way of being contaminated by someone's energy or some sort of thought that gets triggered by something scary I hear."
I agree that I have read a ton of material on OCD and have never read about this particular OCD symptom but that does not mean it does not exist. I am also sure they are others who have this as we are never alone with any type of illness, mental or physical. I am sure a top OCD expert could easily figure it out and treat it.
Have U tried any other med than just Lexapro? There are so many other meds and med combos to try. Plus, ERP has helped so many OCDers and so many top OCD experts believe ERP to be the most effective treatment for OCD. To find a good therapist in your area, you can go to the IOCDFs website at ocfoundation.org and look for one in your state. If you live in a major metro area, you have a much better chance of finding a good OCD therapist than if living in a rural area.
Some posters on here have used and are using Skype for ERP/CBT sessions for not much money. That might interest you. One place that offers it is called "the center for cognitive behavior psychotherapy" in NYC and is run by a Dr. Steve Phillipson. Just google it and it should pop up.
Just some personal opinions: (1) I am guessing you already figured this out but I would skip the psychic readers as they cannot help you with your OCD and are just stealing your money. (2) Depression is a HUGE part/side effect of having OCD. Welcome to the club :). (3) Yes, having worse or slightly better moments or worse or slightly better days is a normal part of having OCD.
Again, just my opinion and not really my biz, but if I were you, I would be concentrating 100% on my OCD and not even thinking about getting prego until I was sure I improved at least 50% or more. Trying to get better, holding down a job and being a single Mom would just cause more anxiety/stress and make your OCD worse.
I also would not expect anything good to happen if you go off the lexapro unless you and your MD have a new med or meds lined up. But, again, also try to find a psychologist who specializes in ERP who has treated many OCDers. You might be amazingly surprised about the progress you make.
Good luck.
This is a link to a series of 40 articles written by an OCD expert who has been treating OCDers since 1982 and they were written over the years. I know there is one about scrupulosity and one about BDD. You might some other articles interesting to skim thru.
There is also one book I know about "scrupe" written by a Dr. Joseph Cariorcchi called 'The Doubting disease" and one book I know written about BDD by a Dr. Katharine Phillips called "The Broken Mirror". Maybe they can help you.
here is the link to those articles on various types of OCD:
http://www.wsps.info/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&id=36%3Aocd-and-related-subjects-by-frederick-penzel-phd&Itemid=64&layout=default
Thank you for clarifying "pure o."
In terms of the body, I do not mean BDD. Instead, it is something closer to being hyper aware of certain sensations. In the past, I was worried there was something wrong with my heart. Lately, it has been a preoccupation with sleep and sleeping well enough.
I think my OCD is not the worst case. For the most part, it's under control, but flares up during more stressful times, like life transitions and changes. If anything, sometimes I think it's more general anxiety because I feel overwhelmed, by body gets tight and sore, difficulty sleeping, etc. I guess it runs on a continuum into OCD somewhere. My worst enemy is low self-esteem and doubting that I can accomplish things despite my anxiety.
Unfortuantely, much of my family does not believe I need medication. My brother understands OCD, but thinks it can be over come by the power of the mind. Perhaps this is because he has struggled with physical problems his whole life, was depressed, and overcame it. He is one of the most mentally strongest people I know, if not the strongest.
I think I will check out "scupe." Thank you for the suggestion.
Glad you understand severity levels of OCD and GAD as many others do not seem to understand the value and importance of knowing these distinctions. I learned about the YBOCS (yale-brown obsessive compulsive scale) back in the early 1990's and used it as a tool to see how bad my OCD was (extreme back then) and if the therapy I was going thru was helping at all (would take that test every few years, not weekly or monthly). The MD or PHD who wrote that OCD test, wrote a more updated one and I will leave a link to that "OCD Quiz" if you are interested. Takes2-3 minutes.
You can find the YBOCS just by googling that name. It has many links.
Reading your reply about how you get concerned about certain body parts, it sounds like these are health concerns (is heart OK? can I sleep?, etc). A certain % of OCDers do seek reassurance from others that they are OK as other OCDers spend hours/day on the internet looking up illnesses to decide if they have them. Ironically, one shrink wrote that these OCDers who keep checking illnesses on the net are NOT hypochondriacs but just have another form of OCD. If that is what you have along with scrupulosity, I have seen many posts about it on here.
Some call that type of OCD 'health OCD" while I would call it OCD with health concerns.
I think it is logical that if you are obsessing over sleeping, this would cause you to not be able to fall asleep easily and stay asleep for long periods. Would not be a lot different that a germ phobe who avoids going places as they are afraid of getting germs and then getting sick. Both prevent normal behavior as most forms of OCD do.
Low self-esteem, lack of confidence, self-consciousness, self-loathing, guilt and shame are big parts of OCD (and maybe for some GADers).
U wrote: "I think my OCD is not the worst case."
Good for you. Better to be "mild" or "moderate" than have a "severe" ort extreme" case of OCD. Easier to deal with and easier to treat.
U write: Unfortuantely, much of my family does not believe I need medication.
Sorry to read that but your profile says you are 36 so I am not sure what your family has to do with anything? I am also sure no one in your family is a mental health professional who specializes in OCD so their opinions on this subject would not be of any value. Better to get the opinion(s) of a psychiatrist or psychologist.
Many OCDers have unsupportive or apathetic families.
U wrote: "My brother understands OCD, but thinks it can be over come by the power of the mind."
Well, I apologize for being so blunt but your brother is 100% incorrect and I doubt he does understand more than 1% about OCD. His logic about OCD is uneducated, antiquated, very misinformed and Neanderthal like. I am sure your brother does not have a PHD in psychology, not a MA in psychology, never treated an OCDer, not read many books on OCD or 100's of articles on OCD. So, how much can he know? Does he even have it? Call me stupid but I will stick with the opinions of the highly educated professionals who have treated 100's of OCDers over many years.
U wrote: "Perhaps this is because he has struggled with physical problems his whole life, was depressed, and overcame it."
Perhaps but this is an "apples and oranges" type of logic. Whatever his physical ailments were and what ever caused his depression, who knows but good for him for getting better. He was lucky. Many people struggle with depression and must stay on meds for the rest of their lives to feel better. They are lucky to have those meds. The old thinking about this (OCD or any psych disorder) being about mental weakness verses mental strength is moronic at best and idiotic and destructive at worst.
Mike Wallace of "60 Minutes" fame had to learn the hard way that depression was not a simple mental issue to deal with and suffered severely when he chose to go off his meds thinking he was cured. He learned he had to stay on them for good and lived into his 90's.
U wrote: "He is one of the most mentally strongest people I know, if not the strongest."
That may or may not be true but does not translate into expertise on OCD or many other subjects. I appreciate that you look up to your brother but it seems you need to break away and start thinking for yourself as your issues are YOURS and NOT his. He cannot advise you on a subject he clearly knows nothing about.
You would not go to a great plumber or very knowledgeable car mechanic for brain surgery, would you? Knowing what I know, I would NEVER consult your brother or any 'civilian" on what to do about my mental or physical health. Sorry, do not mean to insult but consulting family members about OCD just has no value to me and should not to others. We all need the best professional help we can get.
U wrote: "For the most part, it's under control, but flares up during more stressful times, like life transitions and changes."
I have seen this written a million times. Very common reaction. Because OCD is an anxiety disorder and we OCDers are anxious people, any type of change can cause us increased anxiety which naturally makes our OCD worse.
Hope one or more of those articles helps you understand your OCD better and I will try to leave a link to that OCD quiz.
PS You are lucky you live in a major city as I am sure they are many psychologists there who specialize in treating OCD.
Here is the link to that OCD quiz written by the same OCD shrink who wrote the YBOCS so many year ago;
http://psychcentral.com/ocdquiz.htm
I want to apologize again if I was too blunt or rough in my previous reply regarding your brother and his opinions. I just feel it is is important that we think for ourselves, educate ourselves on OCD thru the best professionals on OCD and get the best professional help possible.
Your score of 12 on that quiz seems to indicate you have OCD but at a milder level, something I think you already knew. You can still benefit from professional help but wish you the best in whatever choices you make.
That is okay. You were a bit blunt, but at the same time I needed to hear that. Yes, I am 36, but very close to my family. The whole thing with thinking for ourselves is important, you are right! I think part of my OCD is that I very often need to seek assurance, as you had mentioned somewhere as something that some of us have. It is difficult for me to trust my own self--I guess that is part of the doubt of OCD--so I go and seek advice from others. I hate living with ambiguity and uncertainty and I feel like things are more uncertain when I don't have answers. I feel like I always need answers, even if they are not the right ones.