I'm sure this may be hard to hear (read) but the first thing i would tell you to say to your husband is "Kiss my ass !"

Your spouse is supposed to love you for who you are, regardless of how you look. I shot up to 475 just over two years ago and had my wife telling me that i needed to get healthy , but she NEVER got MAD at me for getting so heavy.

It sounds like you're losing weight gradually and that's great. Just make sure you're doing it for YOU and NOT HIM. It's not fair to HIM ?? Sorry, but i'm not one to sugarcoat anything, so i'm just going to say it, but your husband sounds like a selfish bastard. You should tell him thhat when you DO lose the weight that you want, you're going to leave his ass for someone who will love you for who you are.

Keep in mind that to keep weight off you need to change your current habits, not just go on some extreme diet. Also keep in mind it didn't happen overnight the weight loss. It took months/years to gain the weight, so don't expect to wake up in a few months and be skinny and happy. The standard weightloss per week is 1-2 lbs per week. That is natural sustainable loss! If you lose more than that, you are losing muscle not fat. Your body isn't meant to shed lbs overnight. Don't set unrealistic expectations for your weightloss. For every 2 lbs you want to lose, you can expect to spend 1 week on a healthy well balanced diet with regular exercise. If you do that, you will create a lifestyle you can continue the rest of your life, and you will remain slender. If you expect to loose several lbs per week for 3 months and then return to you old habits, you will Always gain the lbs back.

Weightloss and gain is a very simple equation. What you eat is either used or gained. If you don't alter your life in a sustainable way, you will always overeat and always gain weight back.

You also touched on binge eating with emotional and stress triggers. Just because you slim down doesn't mean those habits will disappear. If you don't find new ways to cope with your emotions and stress, every time your life hits a rough patch you will regain weight again.

I am a binge eater, my triggers are stress and feeling lonely/isolated. I am currently working at trying to find productive outlets for those emotions. That is the only way i can ever be naturally thin. I dont want to spend the rest of my life battling with my weight. There are people out there, naturally slender people, who deal with stress, abuse and sadness without binging. We just need to find our way back to when our body decided when we should eat and when we should stop, instead of our mind telling us we Need to eat to fill a imagined void.

thank you longhaul. your right, he is a selfish bastard. this is not new to me. but i do love him. part of me just wants to not try to lose weight just to spite him. but i can't do that. i have to lose weight for my health.

i love the southbeach diet. but the emotional triggers make it hard to stick to it. the southbeach diet is really a lifestyle change and not just a diet. i loved it. but the stress eating just made me want to eat everything i'm not supposed to.

So what I want to say is good choice to try again, I'm rootin for ya. 2nd is that your husband's feelings are his business. His frustrations about your weight are frustrations that he has to work out for himself. Make your weight loss about you. He starts complaining, let him know you aren't interested in his opinions. If he cant support you then the least he can do is keep his fuckin mouth shut. Take control of your weight and th situation!

I agree with the others, I can think of a way you can lose a massive amount of dead weight in a short time - dump him lol! Seriously, if stress is a trigger for you you do *not* need someone who is just giving you more stress. If he really cared about you he would encourage you, diet with you, get off his a** and exercise with you. .

The fact that you lost a large amount of weight and he did not notice or praise you says to me it is *not* about the weight. It is about him using the weight as a club to beat you around the head with and criticise you and make you miserable.

Are you sure you love him, and it isn't just that you are used to him, or scared of being alone, or you love what he used to be or some image in your head of how he might be? It is so much easier to stick with what is familiar sometimes even if it is hurting us.

If you want to be sure, maybe you could go away for a few days or a week, alone or with friends. Do things that make you happy, and think about things and what you want from your life. See if you feel better and are more able to stick to the diet in that situation.

And well done, it sounds like you are doing great despite your husband sabotaging you and dragging you down all the time.

"Are you sure you love him, and it isn't just that you are used to him, or scared of being alone, or you love what he used to be or some image in your head of how he might be? It is so much easier to stick with what is familiar sometimes even if it is hurting us."

For some reason this thread didn't take my whole post just part of it, grrrr

I was giving Lizzy credit for her comment, I liked it. I was trying to convey, I have gone through relationships where I got used to the guy, and ended up confusing it with loving him. This does happen.

So much for in sickness and in health. Sounds like the problem is your husband, not you. If you are separated now I'd stay that way. If not, you should. Your weight is not the issue. He's an ass and will never be satisfied with you because he's not satisfied with himself. He's insecure and a bully.

I lost 39lbs and neither my hubby and my best friend said a word. But another friend told me constantly I was losing but because the two dearest people in my world hadnt saidoneI word I thought 39lbs was nothing and not noticeable (rubbish!) so I put most of the weight back on. One day a DS friend told me that a loss of 39lbs was a big deal and I suddenly realised how incorrect my perception of losingthat weight was. Do I blame hubby? No, because he and his family have their own issues about weight and I understand how difficult it must have been for him to see me losing weight and he was putting it on. Yes, if I ditched my husband it would be easier for me to lose but then the same thing could happen with the next man. So as I love my hubby I will battle with the weight loss. I need to show him and myself that I can depend on myself and not worry about what others think. At the moment my goal is 1lb a week till Xmas which is about 30 weeks away and I reckon its doable. I don't talk about my diet or weight to hubby and just need to get on with it myself. Good luck with your journey to lose weight. Take care.

LaraineAnn, I see what you mean. But Pjreeses' husband is not just ignoring her successful weight loss, he is being actively nasty to her and making her miserable. It is one thing to just keep it shut about something, that is not good but understandable. But it's entirely another to make cruel nasty comments and drag the other person down.

thank you all for the comments and advice. some of it i didn't like, but some of it's what i need to hear. i don't plan on leaving my hubby. he is an a**. that i won't deny. we've been together through thick and thin. we both have issues. some more managable than others. i am definately going to continue with my diet plans. i have to do this for me and not him. he is a very slim size 30. he has never dealt with excess weight. in fact he has a hard time gaining weight! it has taken him almost 4 years to gain 20 lbs after quitting smoking. i'm sure in a few years the tables will turn and it will be him in my shoes. except he will have my full support and advice.

Personally I don't believe your husband didn't notice when you lost that much weight. The fact that he didn't support you and praise you speaks to his personality. He is attempting to keep you submissive and subservient, "jumping through hoops" for him. He is a classic controller. If you lost all of your excess weight, he would find something ELSE to bitch about. As the other folks said, it's not about you, it's about him!!!

If you aren't going to leave him I would at least confront him over his behaviour. Like I said, it is OK for him to keep quiet if that is the best he can manage. But making cruel comments is not on and has to stop. The rule has to be - if you can't say something kind and supportive or at least a constructive suggestion say nothing at all.

OK he is slim, that doesn't mean he is healthy. Does he exercise and eat a healthy diet? Is there any reason he couldn't exercise with you and eat a healthy diet with you?