I've been insecure before.....but never like this. I don't even look at myself in the mirror....and when I do..... i want to cry and just throw up everything in my stomach. And that's not a joke. I have seriously considered bulimia. I have 3 daughters though, and I teach them to be proud of how they look and that they are beautiful. I lie to their pretty little faces when I say that Mommy thinks she's beautiful....my husband knows I hate myself and he throws my lack of confidence in my face  because he has to let me and everyone else know it's not his fault that I have low self esteem. I literally had nowhere to turn in a moment of a potential mental relapse so I texted the Crisis line and they directed me here. The word the Crisis Agent used was "Brave" because I reached out for help and was honest about what I feel......I don't feel brave ....I feel scared....and ugly and lonely....and weak......weak willed, weak minded and weak spirited..I feel empty, and all the things I try to fill myself up turns out to be poison for me. From the things I eat...to the company  I keep. I don't know....I have to tell someone this is how I feel. I have to know someone sees me trying to cope and gives me some kind words and upliftment. I want to believe I can get through the obesity, mental illness, financial struggles, children, and the inability to drive. I want to believe I can be the woman I was on the way to becoming before one choice turned everything upside down. Now I'm obese, in deep debt, and trying hold a marriage together but a thread.....I'm snap worthy...and I'm really trying not to be.