my hubby and i have been having a really a hard time just dealing with everything. We are in the middle of buying a house. im going to school half time i do all my classes here at home online in bed. I have pelvic neuropathy. I cannot find hardly any information on it. I do not know if it will go away my neurologist told me a few months or years. It has now been 10 months and I was just diagnosed and started treatment in June. I still have a terrible time when I have my period and I am just about to have another surgery next month because my cycles have been so long and so painful. I scream and cry and yell at my husband to just cut it out rip it out i scream. We get into so many arguments about me. I feel like I am not good enough some times for him. I used to work as an educational assistant in kinder now i can only substitute and i cannot even do that a lot. with my neuropathy i have fallen, cut myself and burned myself. i cannot be in the sun because i swell, i cannot stand or sit for long periods of time and sometimes walking is so hard my right foot will turn inwards. This is just so hard for me. I can imagine it is hard for my husband and even scary to see me in so much pain and he cannot do anything. I dont know how to talk to him about it. Im so scared of losing him. He gets mad at me because I cannot have sex all that much it hurts way to much. And I cannot clean house without it taking hours at a time i can no longer cook without hurting myself, i cannot even walk the mall. thats the worst part i have put on so much weight since the nerve block that yes helped but it doesnt help when i have my period at all. my husband yells that i need another job that i need to help out around the house and i need to do a lot more than i am now. and i wish that i could go back to work and walk in marathons and take care of my house like i used to. I miss the old me and my family keeps saying they miss the old me. I do not know how to deal with this i do not know how to work if there is so many things go on with me how can i teach little ones if i swell, turn red or cannot walk. Im just begging for help for someone to understand i feel so alone so very very alone. my husand takes his frustrations out on me. He yells and screams drinks and plays video games when he comes home from work. His family has been there for me through all of this but they are getting extremely frustrated with me. they are tired of hearing about it and I feel like im just alone I know you guys are here and i have met some very dear and close friends here but there is no one here in my town who i can talk to there are no support groups here in town. guys i dont know what to do i cannot keep trying to walk the mall or go out. i want desperatly to work i will sub in the headstart for half days so im only there for 4 hours. there is no way i can work two jobs. i dunno im rambling i know it I havent slept in forever i have my cycle. guys i just dont know how to deal with this it affects and has taken over so much i my life im fighting it so hard i try to just go on with life and do the best i can but im not doing my best to anyone else they tell me try harder and your being lazy. my next procedure is on november 11th. Then we will talk about surgery. i need to go back to counseling i know that. ever since this has happened i have dwelled deep into depression. it seems silly to buy a house when my hubby who says he wants to grow old with me just keeps getting into arguments. I cant do this guys i cant keep living my life with this pain and it gets so bad when i have my cycle i fall and i cant do anything. i hardly get out of bed. my hubby cannot understand. he refuses to go to my dr appts. the big problem is is he says he loves me and i want to believe it so badly. but im 100 pounds and im 4'8 im sorry i live 45 miles away from mexico with all the problems im not going to walmart at night. someone stalked me to my car before and a gun or mace is not going to make me feel better at all. My hubby got off a 24 hour shift yesterday morning and he had to run a lot of errands. he brought me mcdonalds last night for dinner but anything like that makes me nausous lately i cannot eat it im up all night sick when i do not take prilosec or phenergan. So last night after dinner I asked him to go with me and he yelled at me because he wanted to sit down and he was done driving for the day he wanted to drink his beer and play his game. Was I wrong to ask him to go with me I know this is all personal information and my husband and I's arguments are my own problem but have any of you guys ever run into this kind of stuff just feeling terribly alone with your pain. I just cannot keep doing this honestly i want my old life back i was so happy i was not like this constantly wanting my husband so i could feel safe. Im scared Im so young just to know that i can no longer have kids and not knowing if the neuropathy is going to get better. I dont know how to handle this I dont know how to act or what i need to be doing besides Do I need to try to make my family and hubby happy because it isnt helping and makes me feel like even more of just a failure. anyways guys im sorry im going through a lot and im scared im tired of no one here at home helping me and im not sure what to expect anymore. I know im rambling im tired and im hurting so much tonight just please if you have any advice on how to deal with neuropathy and how I can help my family understand even a smidge i would be grateful. Im just so sorry that this is so long ok im going to work on my homework or try too. night guys