Narcissistic and Sociopathic Abuse Survivors Community Group
This is a S.O.N.S.A. Group - Survivors of Narcissistic and Sociopathic Abuse. People who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and/or Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD) create relationships of inevitable harm. This group is for those who are recovering from such relationships.
New here! It has been a real struggle..About a year and a half of abuse and bullying and I am happy to connect with others. Just wanted to get started with articles that I found (with the help of a very smart, very wise person) that helped me from drowning in the abuse. When I was informed of what I was suffering from (other a very long and hard to believe list of abuse tactics), it was like being enlightened! haha! He was a Narcissist-- and I am not crazy. Whew. :-) Just a little note, I am not a therapist. I hope these articles contain something that can help you.
Read and enjoy :)
http://psychcentral.com/lib/recovery-from-codependency/
http://stoprelationshipabuse.org/educated/avoiding-victim-blaming/
https://afternarcissisticabuse.wordpress.com/2014/10/31/hope-after-narcissistic-abuse/
http://divorcedmoms.com/articles/a-5-step-guide-for-recovering-from-narcissistic-abuse
HUGE CONGRATS for No Contact!!!!!!!!!! It's a sign that you are stronger than you know and that you are doing what is right for YOU. :-)))
The abuse (which during my time here I won't ever compare to any one elses') that I have endured has been so intense, for so long and I have been so greatly affected by it, that I feel as if emotionally I have been shoved/forced into fast-forwarding the healing process. I feel that, perhaps, my heart and mind were tired of drowning; that I finally reached a point that despite how much I felt weighed down by the suffering that I have had enough. Enough is enough. Even though I have had some help it took the time that it took for me to get to where I am and I still have work to do. :-)
I do not live and have not lived with my abuser (so my hat's off to you and your strength), so I can not say that my experience is a close enough relationship to compare but I will be more than happy to do my best. :-) You are suffering, sometimes really struggling and you need as much help as you can get. YOU deserve help. You deserve to heal. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be **free** from the influence of such a self-centered and cruel person. You are a thinking, feeling, feeling human being and you deserve to be loved and to be respected. And, for as long as I am here in the group, or in others, or on my Twitter account, I will be reaffirming this to every other abuse victim. Because it is absolutely true. :-) Just because a cruel, twisted, and plotting individual tried to tear you down to get you where HE wanted doesn't mean they are right-- or true. :-) Quite the opposite.
My advice is read up on those articles I posted, they have helped me gain clarity and insight (we all know that Narcissists just adore muddying the waters with THEIR pollution.), so definitely check them out. :-) Look up more articles. They were like... therapy before therapy. It was like having a helping hand, a friend. I went on and on about the issue to people that didn't know what I was really going through and didn't know how to help (and while I kept trying to fight the Narc/Flying Monkey Circus) that my progress was a snail's pace, so that brings me to:
-Circle yourself with REAL and SINCERE people. People who see YOUR worth. People who listen, hold your hand, hug you, and do NOT tell you that you are crazy; someone who is NOT assisting "your" Narcissist.
-Talk to a therapist. I found a local therapist that charges a fair amount (like $65 per session). You might be surprised what you can find out there.
- Don't romanticize him. Don't keep ruminating about the good times (remember, this was NOT a normal, healthy, mutual relationship). And most definitely, do NOT "fill in the blanks" and fantasize. I do that normally and I had to break myself out of that habit with "my" Narcissist. Fantasize and you will continue his reign in your life, his control. Fantasize and you will make yourself forget the bad times, the harm, the fear and frustration. Fantasize and you will create a present and future that doesn't exist. You don't have to hate and despise him, that will only eat at you. But from my experience so far it is this: we are broken; addicts. We need professional help. Remember your Narcissist relies on your normal, healthy behaviors and the behaviors that HE tried to instill in order to remain in control.
- Keep focusing on YOU, your life, your real and true friends and family members, your healing but don't let it be every second of every day. Fill your life with good, happiness, beauty. That is hard, believe me! :-) That is why when you combine it with everything else above, plus what a therapist can offer you, you start to get back on your feet and moving forward with your life. I still have to tell myself often that this is MY life. The Narcissist and his Circus does NOT belong. They do not have a place in my life. They do NOT have a huge portion of my pie, a place in my future. You were YOU before the Narcissist, and you, your real and true friends/family, and therapist will help you become a much better, more resilient YOU after "your" Narcissist.
-Total mind and body health. Pray/Meditate/chant/etc. Work out. Eat right. Clean and organize your home, your calendar, your life. This is YOUR life.
-Allow yourself bad days. Don't let a stumble and skinned knee stop you in your tracks. This is your life. We are allowed to make mistakes. We were abused, and that is a fact.
-Acceptance. (I wont go on about forgiveness, but if that is a very important theme for your life or faith, then talk with that with your therapist). Accepting things makes a world of a difference. It is like we make these events "be" historical events, a reference point. Like a book on a shelf instead of a floodgate. In not just accepting the wrongs that were done to me, I also learned to find--and accept--the positive. Hard to find, I understand, but worth looking for it. I found out who my real friends were. I accept with my head held up high that, "YES, I suffered domestic violence." It happened. The Narcissist and his Flying Circus will obviously want you to not feel that way, but it is part of their sad mind games. We are stronger than that. We are getting above and beyond their sandbox games. I accept that I am NOT a Narcissist, he was. I was NOT the one who betrayed and plotted, they did. Lotus........... what "your" Narcissist did to you was NOT your fault. You are not him. You are better than that. You are not a plotter. You are special, and beautiful, and desirable, and wonderful. :-)
Again, CONGRATS on NO contact!!!! Keep up the good work! Instead, go "Stover." ;-)