Narcissistic and Sociopathic Abuse Survivors Community Group

This is a S.O.N.S.A. Group - Survivors of Narcissistic and Sociopathic Abuse. People who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and/or Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD) create relationships of inevitable harm. This group is for those who are recovering from such relationships.

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Devastated and Lost

Lotus1275
Lotus1275

I am at 2 months out of the relationship that lasted 3 years. the frst year I was certain he was my soul mate. I fell so in love and ignored many red flags. Bought a home and moved, for him, only.to thensoend almost 2 years in hell. Isolation from family and friends, abuse by every definition, laziness and blame, adhd, cheating, lying.. it was hell and damaging to a level that I don't really even know who I am anymore. Everything I have read about Narcissistic abuse is 100% how things have been. I have regretted leaving and had some times of wanting to contact him but I have held strong and maintained no contact . Any advice to help me through this?

SnowDeer838
SnowDeer838
My mom has NPD so I understand what you are going through.. a different scenario but still the same types of effects/abuse patterns.
What you need to do is 100% remain no contact. Do whatever you can to remain no contact... even get a PFA if you are able to. Going back to contact has the danger of putting you back to square one because it was a romantic relationship. Your abuser WILL try to come back into your life and WILL guilt trip you and try to gift you with things to try to get you back into his life. My mother does this to me. Remain strong... the longer you are no contact the more and more you will understand how abusive the behavior was. The more you understand, the more you will realize that he needs to be out and stay out of your life forever...
friendinjesus
friendinjesus
I've had both a narcissistic mother and a narc and/or psychopath romantic partner. I recommend finding some really good people to build relationships with so that you have something to compare with how the narc has treated you. Once you've experienced some real, recent, genuine love and respect from friends, you'll never dream of going back to this man. You also need to find yourself again. Trust me, you're still there inside that chaos, confusion and destruction that narcs leave in their wake. Do anything you can to discover yourself and get your hurts out. Post on forums, journal, join a support group, go into therapy, exercise, pray, take up a spiritual practice. Do something that you're good at. If you can do it for a living, that's even better. And as weak as you feel, try to help someone else in small ways. Be a friend and support to someone, do small favours, cook a meal or make a birthday cake.

For me it was almost immediately 100 times better to be alone than to be with my abuser ex, so I guess I recovered quite quickly. Well, the fact that he tried to kill me probably sped up the process and prevented me from missing him!