Narcissist Trauma Survival and Recovery Community Group
Support for those anyone who is or has been in a relationship with a narcissist. Together we are much stronger than any of us would be alone. A place for non-judgemental mutial support, advice, and comfort.
My belt on the car broke and I played hob getting a new one.my daughter picked one up, but it was the shorter belt. So I didn't get my work done Friday. I stayed up all night trying to get the car fixed and the car wouldn't start, either. Turns out there is another broken piece and that is actually what caused the break. I found that out 100% once I got everything put together ... the new belt disintegrated within a mile. There was a bad connection to the battery and I had helped jump start someone's car earlier in the day and must have made the connection worse.
Fortunately, it seems the broken belt only controls the power steering and A/C, so it was drivable. But it was hard to get that info, despite a shop manual and thorough web search. SO I wasn't sure if I should drive it. I was 3/4 of the way finished (and running VERY late) Saturday when the cable in the gear selector lost tension. I ended walking the rest of the route ... getting rained on. I sat in the car, trying to figure out what to do ... no tools to speak of ... I ended up falling asleep ... next thing I knew, there was a police officer talking to me but it took me a good ten minutes before I was sensible ... that nap was the first 2 hours of sleep I'd had since Thurs. night. I told him the car wouldn't start b/c it was stuck in reverse gear and the cable was loose somewhere, somehow. I called the towing company to see if maybe they had someone that could help with that ... no. So my only options were to try to fix it or get it towed and then still have to fix it (but a tow would be about $80). I went into the store whose parking lot I had been stranded in and bought a $2 screwdriver. Managed to get the center console out and found where the cable had come apart and was able to reattach it.
Toady, of course I had numerous complaints and two "quits" ... one said "poor service". It hurts to know that I keep taking things seriously ... and have to keep trying to fix my own car impromptu and without help ... and who knows how many people think I am just irresponsible and uncaring, doing things however I want? My own daughters don't have any respect for me ...
Yet, I thought about it that day and today and I realized, that I should actually be an inspiration and instead, I am ignored. I should be considered a solid investment, but I'm being written off as a failure. What I really need is to have a few days where the opposite of all these crap days happens and I have some unexpected and pertinent good fortune ... and happily, I can say I've had a few (thank you for all those who have helped me get through to today, in every way shape and form imaginable and maybe ways I don't even know!!).
Right now, I'm pretty worn out, more emotional than anything. I fell asleep at some point yesterday until earlier today. I wanted to apply for a couple jobs Friday and that obviously went out the door. The day after I spoke with my older daughter about buying her car (if she got another), he took her and got rid of the car, eliminating any opportunity for me to have a back-up and get the heck out of here ... and all I can hear are the words of my attorney telling me that oh, I'm getting to live here "rent free" hahaha ... yeah, figure in all the losses and I'll show you "rent free"! I called there today to get the TOTAL amount I owe, as I am figuring I am really, pretty much on my own and better start looking at the worst of everything.
Fortunately, it seems the broken belt only controls the power steering and A/C, so it was drivable. But it was hard to get that info, despite a shop manual and thorough web search. SO I wasn't sure if I should drive it. I was 3/4 of the way finished (and running VERY late) Saturday when the cable in the gear selector lost tension. I ended walking the rest of the route ... getting rained on. I sat in the car, trying to figure out what to do ... no tools to speak of ... I ended up falling asleep ... next thing I knew, there was a police officer talking to me but it took me a good ten minutes before I was sensible ... that nap was the first 2 hours of sleep I'd had since Thurs. night. I told him the car wouldn't start b/c it was stuck in reverse gear and the cable was loose somewhere, somehow. I called the towing company to see if maybe they had someone that could help with that ... no. So my only options were to try to fix it or get it towed and then still have to fix it (but a tow would be about $80). I went into the store whose parking lot I had been stranded in and bought a $2 screwdriver. Managed to get the center console out and found where the cable had come apart and was able to reattach it.
Toady, of course I had numerous complaints and two "quits" ... one said "poor service". It hurts to know that I keep taking things seriously ... and have to keep trying to fix my own car impromptu and without help ... and who knows how many people think I am just irresponsible and uncaring, doing things however I want? My own daughters don't have any respect for me ...
Yet, I thought about it that day and today and I realized, that I should actually be an inspiration and instead, I am ignored. I should be considered a solid investment, but I'm being written off as a failure. What I really need is to have a few days where the opposite of all these crap days happens and I have some unexpected and pertinent good fortune ... and happily, I can say I've had a few (thank you for all those who have helped me get through to today, in every way shape and form imaginable and maybe ways I don't even know!!).
Right now, I'm pretty worn out, more emotional than anything. I fell asleep at some point yesterday until earlier today. I wanted to apply for a couple jobs Friday and that obviously went out the door. The day after I spoke with my older daughter about buying her car (if she got another), he took her and got rid of the car, eliminating any opportunity for me to have a back-up and get the heck out of here ... and all I can hear are the words of my attorney telling me that oh, I'm getting to live here "rent free" hahaha ... yeah, figure in all the losses and I'll show you "rent free"! I called there today to get the TOTAL amount I owe, as I am figuring I am really, pretty much on my own and better start looking at the worst of everything.
in fact once my older son said exactly that, Mom, I talk to you that way cause I know Dad cant handle it and you will love me regardless.
You are not looking at the worst of everything, you are getting bombarded with issues from everywhere. Trust me my weekend was AWFUL WITH THE N BERATING ME and verbally abusive and it is getting worse now where I work as well, the one partner is an ass and is constantly belittling me. I sometimes think it is me, then I wake up and realize, nope, I treat them very well and i get walked on. I feel so darn stupid sometimes. Remember you are not alone, xxxxooo
until they break, and then we realize how dependent we are on them.
Is your attorney able to speed up the settlement so you can either
fix your car or get more dependable wheels?
Keep your chin up, it's so hard to stay self loving in those kinds of
situations when everyone seems to be inviting you to feel badly
about yourself. I guess we all have to be our own hero, and become
that rock solid cheerleader and friend that we all so desperately need
after being knocked down by the N and co. (they always seem to have
their own peanut gallery don't they?)
Hang in there, Hugs (( ))
until they break, and then we realize how dependent we are on them.
Is your attorney able to speed up the settlement so you can either
fix your car or get more dependable wheels?
Keep your chin up, it's so hard to stay self loving in those kinds of
situations when everyone seems to be inviting you to feel badly
about yourself. I guess we all have to be our own hero, and become
that rock solid cheerleader and friend that we all so desperately need
after being knocked down by the N and co. (they always seem to have
their own peanut gallery don't they?)
Hang in there, Hugs (( ))
until they break, and then we realize how dependent we are on them.
Is your attorney able to speed up the settlement so you can either
fix your car or get more dependable wheels?
Keep your chin up, it's so hard to stay self loving in those kinds of
situations when everyone seems to be inviting you to feel badly
about yourself. I guess we all have to be our own hero, and become
that rock solid cheerleader and friend that we all so desperately need
after being knocked down by the N and co. (they always seem to have
their own peanut gallery don't they?)
Hang in there, Hugs (( ))
until they break, and then we realize how dependent we are on them.
Is your attorney able to speed up the settlement so you can either
fix your car or get more dependable wheels?
Keep your chin up, it's so hard to stay self loving in those kinds of
situations when everyone seems to be inviting you to feel badly
about yourself. I guess we all have to be our own hero, and become
that rock solid cheerleader and friend that we all so desperately need
after being knocked down by the N and co. (they always seem to have
their own peanut gallery don't they?)
Hang in there, Hugs (( ))