Narcissist Trauma Survival and Recovery Community Group
Support for those anyone who is or has been in a relationship with a narcissist. Together we are much stronger than any of us would be alone. A place for non-judgemental mutial support, advice, and comfort.
Hi everyone,
I've been dealing with an avalanche of work and haven't been on much the
past few months. But I wanted to share what I've been realizing after months
of wading around the N pool. (Ndad/Nh and Nlaws).
I have accepted too many times that I'm sensitive and overreacting to behavior
that is completely unacceptable. N's are absolutely brilliant at getting me to
question myself so I will go along with their insanity.
While I'm busy questioning myself for being crazy, too sensitive, uncaring, etc.,
they take their "get out of jail free card" and lark off ready for another adveNture.
They're done!! If I spend time thinking about how bulls#$% their behavior is
and confront them, of course I get callousness and zero remorse. Why
should they make the effort!!?? They've already established that the whole
thing is either my fault or my overreaction to something normal.
They've performed a kind of magic trick on me.....black magic that is . They've
gotten me to accept what someone else would call them out on. I've been left
wondering how I can fix, do better, help, be nicer, be more supportive, yadda,
yadda, yadda while they're off lining up more N supply and having the absolute
time of their lives.
If it's not normal, it's not normal. If it's pathological, it's pathological. If it's hurtful,
it's hurtful. All their crazy making rewrites doesn't change a thing. My life is
worth so much more than the utter waste of the N drama.
I've been dealing with an avalanche of work and haven't been on much the
past few months. But I wanted to share what I've been realizing after months
of wading around the N pool. (Ndad/Nh and Nlaws).
I have accepted too many times that I'm sensitive and overreacting to behavior
that is completely unacceptable. N's are absolutely brilliant at getting me to
question myself so I will go along with their insanity.
While I'm busy questioning myself for being crazy, too sensitive, uncaring, etc.,
they take their "get out of jail free card" and lark off ready for another adveNture.
They're done!! If I spend time thinking about how bulls#$% their behavior is
and confront them, of course I get callousness and zero remorse. Why
should they make the effort!!?? They've already established that the whole
thing is either my fault or my overreaction to something normal.
They've performed a kind of magic trick on me.....black magic that is . They've
gotten me to accept what someone else would call them out on. I've been left
wondering how I can fix, do better, help, be nicer, be more supportive, yadda,
yadda, yadda while they're off lining up more N supply and having the absolute
time of their lives.
If it's not normal, it's not normal. If it's pathological, it's pathological. If it's hurtful,
it's hurtful. All their crazy making rewrites doesn't change a thing. My life is
worth so much more than the utter waste of the N drama.
the more pathetic he seems and I can chuckle now instead of feel sad and
confused."
They change from scary to sad don't they? Seeing the N's for what they are is
the first step. It's taking care of our battered selves that is the real work (the
step I struggle with now).
Redfern, I'm so happy for you, that you got and got out. You totally inspire me.
me trapped. My Nh is like my nasty mini-me mirror. I wonder if anyone
else has the same feeling?
If I genuinely felt good about myself, I wouldn't being feeling so down, or
feeling so drained and sick. I find it hard to take care of myself, like I somehow
don't deserve it unless I've been exceedingly productive on a particular day.
But even on my most productive days, I still don't make the effort to take the
best care of myself. Either I've overdone it and I'm exhausted or I've decided
I want to "celebrate" with a yummy food treat (part of the reason that I often
feel sick)
I also find it hard to take myself seriously. I'm quick to point out the positive
in someone's else idea or plan, but again for myself, I find it hard to nurture
my fledgling projects. I can hear my Nh's voice in unison with my own
negative voice--it'll never work, you're an idiot, etc., etc., etc.
I hope everyone else has better self care habits than I do. If any of you have
found a way to change the bad habit of benign (or not so benign) self
neglect, I'd love to hear.