Thanks for all of the great help everyone! I'm going to try to write a longer response when I get home and get on the computer. I'm at work now so I can only post from my phone. Today seems to be worse. Unfelt good about not responding yesterday but today I'm feeling like I should have. Is there anything I could say? I hate that I'm like this :( I know in my head that I could have responded yesterday and he may have not said anything back and I would have been upset over that. So either way I'm upset I guess.

I could never do a Facebook rant. I would feel foolish and it would make me look bad. I have a lot of family and co workers on there and I deleted him so it would be pointless anyways. I still have some of his friends/co workers on there so I'm sure they would tell him but they would probably view me as crazy if I did that.

I don't want to do no contact but I feel like I don't have a choice. He will never change.

I'm of the belief that if we are serious about ending, no contact is the only way. Sometimes, we need some processing to be 'serious about ending'. If your done, then I'd make that firm decision. Even when you want contact, no contact. Even when you think it won't hurt, no contact. Even when you feel you are bad for not responding, no contact.

No contact = this relationship has ended.

Whatever you feel as a result, bring up for healing.

Once we know they will never change, even if they think/say/want to, it makes it easier. The best you'll get is what you've gotten, and chances are, even worse.

You're doing great! xo

Thank you Dooji, I need support like this when I start to question myself. And honestly there have been a lot of texts I've sent him throughout the course of our relationship that he didn't respond to so I shouldn't feel bad. He's the one who ended things with me so why should I respond anyways, right? I got through yesterday and will try to make it through today with no contact and just take it a day at a time. Even if I have to put my phone out in my car so it's less accessible.

These are all the answers that come from within. That's ANOTHER aspect to healing - learning to trust our innards. :-) Having confidence in our beliefs, our feelings, ideas, desires ... only we can know what's right for us and what is the right time. Believe me when I say that I am profoundly happy for you, because I believe you've reached YOU. We just need support along the way. SUPPORT IS EVERYTHING.

When you put your phone in the car, you're telling yourself, "I care about you and I will do what it takes." OWN THAT! That is great stuff! There will come a day that you won't even think about him, and hearing from him won't even effect you. *sigh* ... it's true. :-)

xo

I'm feeling less strong as the day goes on :( I know no contact is the way to go. Does it get easier?

It has to get better, it just has too. I can't imagine us feeling this way forever. i don't think it's in our nature as humans to suffer with this pain for the rest of our lives. So many people have gone NC and it's worked. So we have to have faith that all of this pain will be for something at the end. Everyone who has gone NC and stuck to it seems to be in a better place emotionally so.... it must get easier, it must.

Just want to say one thing.

About the texting, sometimes they don't respond.

That is called Invalidation.

There is a small book, about $7.00, called Nasty People by Jay Carter. It is a short, concise guide to dealing with this type of behavior.

Just look at Amazon and read the reviews.

This book is very short and basically, there is one page that tells you what to do and what not to do.

That's all you need.

Kass I think I have to try my hardest to stick with the no contact. Obviously having contact isn't working, right? Maybe if I can make it through today and I will try again tomorrow.

Feelings change all the time. Sometimes you can't imagine having contact again, sometimes you want to connect. You may connect, and they may use that against you. Remember, it's power and control for them. They don't care how you feel, they care about getting a supply. So, ARE YOU WILLING TO BE HIS SUPPLY? Because that's all we are. There are other sources of love and care. And, every step away from him is a step TOWARD creating a FULFILLED life.

YES. It DOES get easier. I PROMISE!. xo

I am not willing to be supply! I've practically made it through today and will just keep trying to make it through each day. I'm going to keep posting, journaling and try to help other people here. You ladies really got me through the day. It's really hard to get on here during the day because I use my phone and it's hard to look at that little screen, lol, it was better than texting him, right? My heart still cares for him even with all the crappy things he did but my head is telling me that I will never get over him if I'm still in contact with him. I don't want to be like this forever.

Thanks so much everyone for your help. The encouragement I get here really makes me think I can do it this time :)

You CAN do it. You ARE doing it. There will be 'head trips', maybe intense dreams as you process emotions, feeling like you don't know yourself, etc., but that's all normal stuff as you let go of a part of yourself, and discover other parts of you. Just go through it. It will smooth itself out. Daily meditation or inspiration books are great, or even a website that sends daily emails that comfort and inspire. There are many tools. Ask life to bring you what you need.

Life is so much better when we're putting all that energy into true happiness. You'll see!! XO

It does get better!! It truly, really does!

I liked what KassandraDee said earlier ... I have taken "the low road" so to speak, but I don't "think" it could ever be *quite* as low as he has done and is doing. In one way, I'd rather say what I have to say, full on and in public, than snivel like a coward behind my mother's skirt OR be someone who sneaks around, lying, to get his wife thrown in the loony bin. And so on. But in general, no I wouldn't recommend it. I think in "the old days", people would take out ads stating that they would not be responsible for debts other than their own ... that often had to do with divorce situations?

But one of the kind of cool things about NC is that you are more or less "forced" to find some new things to do, some new people to hang out with. Especially if you stay away from getting into another relationship, I think you will find yourself "perking up" after a time. It was not until getting away and "doing my own thing" that I really started to realize how downtrodden I had become, how much of the fun and happy me that had disappeared. I don't think it is as bad this time, but right now I'm sort of stressed over other stuff (because of length and manner of divorce) and I am not getting as much recreational time & activities or socializing as I would under other circumstances. Plus, my ability to concentrate improved, my efficiency and job performance did as well. When I was divorced before, I made a couple of male FRIENDS and that was all they were. But it was great, because I could talk seriously or goof off without all the negative pressures I was under in my marriage. It also makes me realize how much he has exaggerated my role in creating the problems. If others can get along with me, have fun and even do nice things for me without expectation of "payback, then what is his problem? Seriously, I think you really have to "re-find" you and maybe do some work, do the grieving, but really, NC isn't the end of the world by any means. Just the beginning of a new chapter in life and hopefully, one in which you are more active in writing the story of your life.

I've taken the low road with my ex before too. I said horrible things to him just to try to make him feel as hurt as he made me feel. It didn't help. He just used it against me. He cheated on me, treated me like crap, called me many horrible names but none of that mattered because of things I have said to him and names I had called him. And I said these things after I found him on match.com. But ohhhh his whole reason for being on match.com was because I didn't pay enough attention to him or make him feel wanted. Are you fing kidding me? And here's the great part, this last time he broke up with me is bacause I was too "smothering". Apparently nothing I do is good enough. I called him during the day I was bothering him. If I didn't I would get a why are you ignoring me text from him. It's maddening.

I'm hoping this time it works. I don't want to be miserable anymore. I already deal with depression and anxiety so things are hard without him. But with him it's even worse. My depression was getting to the point where I wouldn't even want to get out of bed. Before I could at least force myself to do it. I'm slowy getting past the depression. I haven't called off work in a couple of months. I make plans with friends and keep the plans. But I still have the bad days where it's a weekend and I have nothing planned so I stay in bed or on the couch all day :(

Take the focus off of the problem and put it on the solution. It changes your vibration, your body's chemicals, your feelings, your resonance and so, your point of attraction.

Keep your mind on what you WANT, and FEEL it. EMBODY what you WANT and hold that feeling as long as you can. When you do that, your telepathy pulls more of that to you. You are CREATING the life you want. (You've been looking at the problem long enough.)

Hugs.