Narcissist Trauma Survival and Recovery Community Group
Support for those anyone who is or has been in a relationship with a narcissist. Together we are much stronger than any of us would be alone. A place for non-judgemental mutial support, advice, and comfort.
Maybe it's part of the reason people don't "believe" ... they never see it, because it isn't there unless we are, usually. I ran across the study, but not the full text. And yes, it is using college age as sample, has limited generalizability, but nonetheless ... considering my actual finances and (the amount of times) being called a gold digger and the like, holds some water for me. Although this does not address women narcissists, it would be interesting to know how they likely view their mates. Like an autocratic parent of old, my ex thought he had the "right" to punish me; that alone would have turned me off the idea of a relationship with him, had I known it early on.
"They have a problem with heterosexual women, because those are the people who might see through them, reject them and not give them the attention and adulation they feel they deserve."
http://galenet.galegroup.com/servlet/HWRC/hits?docNum=A233777735&index3=&index2=&index1=RN&tcit=0_0_0_0_0_1&locID=inspire&rlt=6&text3=&text2=&text1=A233777735&t=KW&s=11&r=d&secondary=false&o=DateDescend&n=10&l=d&c=1&bucket=healthnews
Narcissistic Men Typically Direct Their Rage at Straight Women; Self-centered, entitled men see women as gold diggers, teases, experts claim.
Consumer Health News (English). August 6, 2010 pNA.
Full Text:COPYRIGHT 2010 HealthDay
Byline: Jenifer Goodwin, HealthDay Reporter
FRIDAY, Aug. 6 (HealthDay News) -- Ever met a guy who talks only about himself, thinks he's superior to everyone and who tends to view women as little more than playthings? That man may very well have narcissistic personality disorder, a condition marked by an inflated sense of self-importance and a profound lack of empathy for others. And new research suggests the anger, hostility and short fuse that accompany a man's narcissism tend to be directed toward straight women.
"Heterosexual, narcissistic men become enraged at people who deny them gratification, whether it's social status, having a trophy partner or sexual gratification," said lead study author Scott Keiller, a clinical psychologist and assistant professor of psychology at Kent State University Tuscarawas in Ohio."The group that could gratify heterosexual men the most is heterosexual women," Keiller said. "To the extent narcissistic men would get resistance, that would make them enraged."
For the study, published online July 23 in the journal Sex Roles, Keiller and his colleagues gave 104 male undergraduates questionnaires designed to measure narcissism. Questions included: "I love to be the center of attention" or "It embarrasses me when I am the center of attention." The former is associated with narcissism, the latter with modesty and humility.
They were also asked about their attitudes toward gay men, lesbians, straight women and other straight men, including how much they ascribed to traditional -- some would say sexist -- male and female stereotypes. None of the men questioned had diagnosable narcissistic personality disorder, said Keiller. (The disorder is diagnosed when one meets five symptoms on a list that includes grandiosity, a strong sense of entitlement, and an overwhelming need for admiration, according to the American Psychiatric Association.) But narcissism is a continuum, and plenty of the young men had a pronounced tendency toward those traits, he said.
Men who scored the highest on the narcissism test were more likely to view women as conniving gold diggers, as teases who tempt men with sex and don't deliver, or as seductresses with plans to trick men and "get them under their thumb," Keiller said. "Narcissistic men hold overtly hostile, adversarial ideas about women," Keiller said. While narcissistic men also showed rancor toward gay men, their hostility toward them was no worse than that of other straight men. About the only group that escaped narcissistic men's anger were lesbians, possibly because straight men tend to eroticize them, Keiller said.
Jean Twenge, a professor of psychology at San Diego State University and author of "The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement," said the study fits with other research on narcissists.
"Narcissists don't have a problem with everyone, or with people that are different. They have a problem with people who may reject them," Twenge said. "They have a problem with heterosexual women, because those are the people who might see through them, reject them and not give them the attention and adulation they feel they deserve." The findings suggest they view their relationships with women as patriarchal rather than egalitarian, the authors said.
Men tend to have more narcissistic traits than women, possibly because girls, more than boys, are taught to be nurturing, selfless and to put others first, according to background information in the article. Likewise, men are more frequently diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder than women. Research suggests narcissistic men are also more likely to commit domestic violence because of their egocentrism and lack of empathy, although many men who commit violence are not narcissists, Keiller said.
Over time, narcissistic men do tend to get their comeuppance. Eventually, their anger and aggression turns off loved ones and employers, experts say.
"They can be charming, self-promoting and even in the face of evidence they are not great, they still think they're great," Twenge said. "But as they age, they are also more likely to fail at school, work and relationships. It's tough to be a middle-aged narcissist."
Just ask actor Mel Gibson, who's made headlines recently with aggressive verbal outbursts directed at women. According to Keiller, it's impossible to know if he's a narcissist without a full exam, but his sexist comments toward a female police officer and his latest reported tirades toward ex-partner Oksana Grigorieva would seem to indicate he fits the bill.
More information
The Cleveland Clinic has more on narcissistic personality disorder.
Record Number: A233777735
"They have a problem with heterosexual women, because those are the people who might see through them, reject them and not give them the attention and adulation they feel they deserve."
http://galenet.galegroup.com/servlet/HWRC/hits?docNum=A233777735&index3=&index2=&index1=RN&tcit=0_0_0_0_0_1&locID=inspire&rlt=6&text3=&text2=&text1=A233777735&t=KW&s=11&r=d&secondary=false&o=DateDescend&n=10&l=d&c=1&bucket=healthnews
Narcissistic Men Typically Direct Their Rage at Straight Women; Self-centered, entitled men see women as gold diggers, teases, experts claim.
Consumer Health News (English). August 6, 2010 pNA.
Full Text:COPYRIGHT 2010 HealthDay
Byline: Jenifer Goodwin, HealthDay Reporter
FRIDAY, Aug. 6 (HealthDay News) -- Ever met a guy who talks only about himself, thinks he's superior to everyone and who tends to view women as little more than playthings? That man may very well have narcissistic personality disorder, a condition marked by an inflated sense of self-importance and a profound lack of empathy for others. And new research suggests the anger, hostility and short fuse that accompany a man's narcissism tend to be directed toward straight women.
"Heterosexual, narcissistic men become enraged at people who deny them gratification, whether it's social status, having a trophy partner or sexual gratification," said lead study author Scott Keiller, a clinical psychologist and assistant professor of psychology at Kent State University Tuscarawas in Ohio."The group that could gratify heterosexual men the most is heterosexual women," Keiller said. "To the extent narcissistic men would get resistance, that would make them enraged."
For the study, published online July 23 in the journal Sex Roles, Keiller and his colleagues gave 104 male undergraduates questionnaires designed to measure narcissism. Questions included: "I love to be the center of attention" or "It embarrasses me when I am the center of attention." The former is associated with narcissism, the latter with modesty and humility.
They were also asked about their attitudes toward gay men, lesbians, straight women and other straight men, including how much they ascribed to traditional -- some would say sexist -- male and female stereotypes. None of the men questioned had diagnosable narcissistic personality disorder, said Keiller. (The disorder is diagnosed when one meets five symptoms on a list that includes grandiosity, a strong sense of entitlement, and an overwhelming need for admiration, according to the American Psychiatric Association.) But narcissism is a continuum, and plenty of the young men had a pronounced tendency toward those traits, he said.
Men who scored the highest on the narcissism test were more likely to view women as conniving gold diggers, as teases who tempt men with sex and don't deliver, or as seductresses with plans to trick men and "get them under their thumb," Keiller said. "Narcissistic men hold overtly hostile, adversarial ideas about women," Keiller said. While narcissistic men also showed rancor toward gay men, their hostility toward them was no worse than that of other straight men. About the only group that escaped narcissistic men's anger were lesbians, possibly because straight men tend to eroticize them, Keiller said.
Jean Twenge, a professor of psychology at San Diego State University and author of "The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement," said the study fits with other research on narcissists.
"Narcissists don't have a problem with everyone, or with people that are different. They have a problem with people who may reject them," Twenge said. "They have a problem with heterosexual women, because those are the people who might see through them, reject them and not give them the attention and adulation they feel they deserve." The findings suggest they view their relationships with women as patriarchal rather than egalitarian, the authors said.
Men tend to have more narcissistic traits than women, possibly because girls, more than boys, are taught to be nurturing, selfless and to put others first, according to background information in the article. Likewise, men are more frequently diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder than women. Research suggests narcissistic men are also more likely to commit domestic violence because of their egocentrism and lack of empathy, although many men who commit violence are not narcissists, Keiller said.
Over time, narcissistic men do tend to get their comeuppance. Eventually, their anger and aggression turns off loved ones and employers, experts say.
"They can be charming, self-promoting and even in the face of evidence they are not great, they still think they're great," Twenge said. "But as they age, they are also more likely to fail at school, work and relationships. It's tough to be a middle-aged narcissist."
Just ask actor Mel Gibson, who's made headlines recently with aggressive verbal outbursts directed at women. According to Keiller, it's impossible to know if he's a narcissist without a full exam, but his sexist comments toward a female police officer and his latest reported tirades toward ex-partner Oksana Grigorieva would seem to indicate he fits the bill.
More information
The Cleveland Clinic has more on narcissistic personality disorder.
Record Number: A233777735
You might be able to put a lien on their new house for the portion of marital funds he took to buy it. I would consider this one of my keeping my mouth shut and my ears open moments. Whatever gives you an edge and bargaining power.
I do not think you are entitled to a portion of his house. A legal separation, for the most part, doesn't do much of anything other than divide assets and provide for support.
If he has a pension and it is more valuable than yours, you are entitled to some of that. Definitely talk to a lawyer and take all relevant documents with you. Try to write down a time line with dates of what happened and when. If he just left you, you may be able to claim abandonment. Depends on the state you're in.
There are often Women's Law Centers or the like that can provide low cost or free legal representation. if there is a law school near you, call them and see if they can refer you. If not, google volunteer lawyers or legal aid bureau. If they can't help you, they may know a place you can call.
As lifelifenow2 said SELFISH. So fitting.
I pray everyones nightmares end in the timing that works for their personal situations and to get out with our sanity for heavens sake!! Or at least the will to repair it!!
Since I started back to work this week and N is back home sitting on his ass on his police pension feeling sorry for his pitiful self, he now is beating me down with me having affair comments. first I cannot take him around, I sure dont want a second man! And i am too damn tired from work, school and the N to have another man in any event, and third, if he is throwing 100 dollar bills at me for sex and I am saying N with a huge honking capital N, why does this idiot come up with this crap now, could he be running out of tricks up his sleeve?
I was up at 4 am, a day of work training again, then another interview for a better job 40 miles away that I was not going to pass up (the interview that is), then night class, then a classmate (female!) asked if I would stay after class in the computer lab and help her clean up her resume, sure, be happy to, nice to have a few laughs and help someone that appreciates it, and doesnt belittle me!! We lost track of time and it was 10 pm, closing, the dean comes in and we were oh golly it is almost 10 oclock!!
I drive home, N says nothing, stares at tv, then says I know you are seeing someone else. It is a living fricking freak show. I always wonder while my mind races how I can sell him as a great test subject for any psychological wack job testing! Geez!!!!!!!!!!
It really matters when you file for divorce, depending on the state you are in. In my state, the day you file for divorce, assuming you eventually get divorced, is essentially is the dividing line between what you are entitled to and obligated to, and after when you're not. That can be super important when dealing with Ns. Listen up, those still living with your Ns!!
So, the earlier comment about maybe having the mortgage debt could be true. It's not like you'd have to pay it. But if he doesn't, the lender maybe could come after anybody they have a legal claim to. And if you don't pay it, you'd have a credit ding and possibly a lawsuit. I had to pay off a number of large debts my N ran up before I filed for divorce, or suffer ruination of my credit and threats of lawsuit. There also was a large lawsuit against him before the filing date and I had to help defend that or sufffer half of the consequences financially.
Ns are unpredictable, except that most will get themselves into trouble, including financial trouble. By the time you find out, it is too late. Knowing what I know now, if I was ever going to file, I'd file as soon as possible. But by all means ask a lawyer what is more advantageous.
To make you feel better about the whole throwing money at you to perform deal, see Patricia Evan's book on Controlling People or some similar title. In it, she has a great section on how controlling people (like Ns) view others as a teddy bear they can pose and direct, as if a prop. So, understanding that takes a little of the personal insult out of it.