Hello. I came in contact to the concept of narcissism after I was adandoned by my ex-boyfriend and then found out I was pregnant. Been a single-mom-to-be I felt hopeless, not only because of the fact that I would have to raise my child alone while dealing with his conflicting constant demands between losing my child, taking it away from me and his willingness to be there if I would not asked anything from him.  Dealing with his constant threats and intimidation. My dating live with him was no different, a lot of ambivalence and confusion.

When I found out it was a girl, I went to the psicologist for what I thought it was my inability of keeping a relationship and how could I build a less conflictive relationship and to arm me with tools so I can teach my child for her not to be another victim, only to find out what hit me. Needless to say, it has been 4 years of neverending hell, with a person that becomes more cynical, more cruel, more heatful and now using the dearest to me, my own daughter to inflict pain...Is there any hope of freedom? It feels that you are diagnosed with this terminal desease that you have to endure while you only can observe how your life, your foundation is been pulled apart.

I found myself daily looking at blogs, books, videos that help me to understand this, gain insight, and to learn how to put boundaries, to protect myself, to know how to balance "full no contact" with parenting, that sheds some hope... but that is all what I am doing, living with the anxiety of his next attack, what it would be?, how can I protect my self?, how to kill hope?, how to live missing my child?, how to endure his verbal and mental abuse when no one listens, when no one cares. Needless to say my friends cannot understand what I go through and they have actually told me if this is only a scheme from me to get back at him...my friends...

Been completely defeated and alone, you start wondering is it me the problem, am I a narcissit, am I the toxic person and then you start going in that downward spiral where you are the one who gaslights yourself...

Any thoughts, tools, advice on how to navigate life after this devastating event....