Narcissist Trauma Survival and Recovery Community Group
Support for those anyone who is or has been in a relationship with a narcissist. Together we are much stronger than any of us would be alone. A place for non-judgemental mutial support, advice, and comfort.
Can someone please explain to me how someone with whom I felt nothing but a permanent state of anxiety around; someone who with every outing turned into the HIM show or ended in some drama; someone who bled me dry mentally, emotionally, physically and financially; someone who just 2 months ago so was so despondent he was asking me to help him end it all seems now completely carefree, caring and totally devoted to NS and they look happy (I've seen pics and heard reports - weekends away other fun outings). The honeymoon phase
seems to be permanent (almost a year). Not that I wish unhappiness on anyone, I just don't get it, and I know the behavior he displayed to me was not JUST for me. Others saw it too. People that didn't know him or anything about us would meet him and come away with a puzzled look or say that he was a handful - some would just say douchebag. I would say "he's been through a lot." Those were the early days when I made excuses. People that knew me saw how time with him changed me. I did not imagine it. I did not imagine him inviting me out and them him being on his phone the whole time or talking to others, demanding to go here or there and then throwing a fit if I'd had enough and wanted to go home or him threatening to jump out of the car, leave or call someone else. I didn't imagine the broken promises or passive aggressiveness. I didn't imagine that despite bailing him out of several financial scrapes including making good on a bad check he wrote for a down payment on a vehicle (of course his story was it was a mistake and he should have had the money - once you've taken possession of the vehicle it's a little hard to argue that to the dealer) - after helping with that against my better judgment - he continued to come to me for loans all of which I refused and told him he must be out of his mind that I was the LAST person he should be asking for more favors. Talking was no use - I had to just flat ignore him which is where we are today. 2 mos. of silence after I ignored his last request which was by the way for me to grant a reprieve of him paying me back what he owes. I said no way, he continued to ask (via text), I ignored. That was our last communication. It blows my mind that he was with his NS while all this was going on so I KNOW he hasn't changed. He hasn't had a Ah Ha moment or gone through a period of self-reflection or seen the light or metamorphosized into this great, stable, empathetic person.
I just can't believe that anyone spending a great amount of time with him (and I know how he operates - he and NS are joined at the hip) hasn't seen at least a glimmer of N behavior and once you have it's hard to just dismiss it. You may make excuses but inside you are always waiting for the next explosion or down spiral whichever comes. It's hard to look outwardly happy when all of that is going on in your head - she does though - very.
I know I shouldn't be concerning myself with them and their relationship - I'm just baffled at the apparent 360.
seems to be permanent (almost a year). Not that I wish unhappiness on anyone, I just don't get it, and I know the behavior he displayed to me was not JUST for me. Others saw it too. People that didn't know him or anything about us would meet him and come away with a puzzled look or say that he was a handful - some would just say douchebag. I would say "he's been through a lot." Those were the early days when I made excuses. People that knew me saw how time with him changed me. I did not imagine it. I did not imagine him inviting me out and them him being on his phone the whole time or talking to others, demanding to go here or there and then throwing a fit if I'd had enough and wanted to go home or him threatening to jump out of the car, leave or call someone else. I didn't imagine the broken promises or passive aggressiveness. I didn't imagine that despite bailing him out of several financial scrapes including making good on a bad check he wrote for a down payment on a vehicle (of course his story was it was a mistake and he should have had the money - once you've taken possession of the vehicle it's a little hard to argue that to the dealer) - after helping with that against my better judgment - he continued to come to me for loans all of which I refused and told him he must be out of his mind that I was the LAST person he should be asking for more favors. Talking was no use - I had to just flat ignore him which is where we are today. 2 mos. of silence after I ignored his last request which was by the way for me to grant a reprieve of him paying me back what he owes. I said no way, he continued to ask (via text), I ignored. That was our last communication. It blows my mind that he was with his NS while all this was going on so I KNOW he hasn't changed. He hasn't had a Ah Ha moment or gone through a period of self-reflection or seen the light or metamorphosized into this great, stable, empathetic person.
I just can't believe that anyone spending a great amount of time with him (and I know how he operates - he and NS are joined at the hip) hasn't seen at least a glimmer of N behavior and once you have it's hard to just dismiss it. You may make excuses but inside you are always waiting for the next explosion or down spiral whichever comes. It's hard to look outwardly happy when all of that is going on in your head - she does though - very.
I know I shouldn't be concerning myself with them and their relationship - I'm just baffled at the apparent 360.
The competitive thing, wow, sounds familiar. My ex was tripping over himself to do kind things for virtual strangers, I never understood it then it seemed insane. I was the one who loved him and did everything for him but I got the rough end of the stick or ignored. The NS clearly was the motivation, he was bored with my praise and admiration. He had a close friend who he said was like a brother to him, he worshipped that guy. Whenever we argued he'd disappear to his family's house and I guess smeared me and talked bad about me.
Crazy huh? Considering we were once nnumber one NS ??! The narcissist gets bored and needs new NS. Horrible.